


Something in You

by Empress_Ren_97



Category: Kylo Ren - Fandom
Genre: Adult Content, Blood, Dominant Kylo Ren, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Choking (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Masturbation, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Scares, Protective Kylo Ren, Submissive Kylo Ren, Unplanned Pregnancy, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:00:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 45,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25230523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empress_Ren_97/pseuds/Empress_Ren_97
Summary: (Still in Progress)Xena is a struggling mechanic on the TIE base of Star Destroyer, after meeting the mysterious Kylo Ren she is captivated and pulled into his dark presence. Over time Xena's life rapidly changes with Kylo Ren. After a shift of change and shocking discoveries Kylo has to make a painful descion to destroy Xena or rebel for the better good.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 5





	1. Trainee

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fan fic as a coping mechanism during quaratine and I went back and forth on deciding if I should post it. Ther has been alot going on so I did put put some emotions reflecting on what is going on in my personal life in this fan fic. I haven't wrote like this in a while so my writing skills are a bit dusty.  
> Hopefully it goes well...

Lost in a train of thought until bang

"Oi" a voice shouted "you rookies need to be more cautious" the sound brought me back to where I was located on TIE port four smaller more private than the other three ports on Star Destroyer. The voice sounded familiar coming closer, until it matched to who it belonged to "how are we doing today kiddo?" it was Angie my trainer I perked up once I saw her "I'm doing good" I replied with a sheepish smile "that's good to hear" Angie was about my height, 5 foot 7 muscular with a short crop of peppered hair around her mid 40s. Friendly, strong motherly. "Listen today we are going to do something new, we are going to work on Commander's silencer TIE" she said pointing into the direction, seeing it being tucked in the far edge of the port toward the exit gate. "Don't you think that's too complex?" The machinery was the same as the other TIEs but with different computers, navigation systems and pistols.

"Nah" Angie was rocking on her heels "You're a smart kid, besides you have about one and half months worth of knowledge in that noggin of yours" her arm was wrapped around me as we walked together to the Commander's TIE. "I know you can do this" she said giving me a pat on the back

Commander's TIE was larger than the rest of the fighters,built completely different, all black with a red geometrical shield. The pistols pointing outwards in elongated arms.

Angie stepped away from me until I heard a hissing sound as the hatch door opened a small metal ramp whirred outward.

"Have you ever met Commander?" Angie asked me as we stepped inside nodding my head no

"I've never met Commander" I said quietly I've heard of him never saw him. It was dark even though the overhead lights were on. Looking towards the back there were only one passenger seat however it looked to be a non official seat. It seemed small not very well implaced the straps looks thin not safety approved. behind that was a minimal cargo space with storage compartments against the wall. Towards the front was the cockpit glowing red from the shield.

"I will say one thing if you do see him you must obey him and his orders. Just hope he doesn't speak with you alone since it never ends well. We lost some good team members" Angie looked at me. Her eyes read fear but there was a subtle smile on her face to calm the energy. We started off on the command board overlooking any exposed wires and defaults. Angie went onto the floor lying on her back pulling out a manual screwdriver from her tool belt and began unscrewing.

"Xena I want to show you this" she called out

I went down next to her looking at the control panel. The wires were different colors and widths. One was slightly teared with micro wires exposed.

"Put these two wires to together" Angie's demonstrated what I should do as

I took them into my fingers pinching them back a small spark ejected and a shock ran through my arm.

"Ow" I flinched pulling my hand back

"You, alright" Angie asked

"Yeah" I replied, she passed me a piece of electrical tape wrapping it around the wires.

"Now tuck them in" she mentioned

Tucking them in neatly pushing the nest of wire back in

"Very neat work, here" she passed me the covering and screwdriver as I placed it back on.

"Good work kid."

Getting up towards the middle section

I noticed Angie was looking around.

"And I will say one thing he has a temper" back on the Commander subject. Angie pointed at the metal framed walls. That's when I saw the dents, metal punched out. Looking upward a long streak on the roof ripped open from what.

"Why?" I asked my arms crossed leaning against a wall

"Well, he doesn't like losing his battles, sore loser if you put it. He hates it when someone doesn't get his way however he'll play mind tricks on you. He can be a total jackass, immature. He thinks he's the one running the ship please us hard workers are doing everything" Angie let out a small laugh as I followed.

"Anyways let's get these patched up" she left the aircraft looking for new frames as I inspected the dents some were bigger than fists. Looking upwards seeing the streak had metal melted on the edges.

"Here we are" Angie placed some metal frames against the wall pulling a electric screwdriver out of her tool belt unscrewing the bolts, hearing them plink on the floor as she worked quickly. Helping to hold up the metal frames so Angie can readjust and rescrew the wall in.

"What about the ceiling" looking back up Angie let out a loud sigh

"Fuck sakes Kylo"

_Kylo?_

"You know what I'll get this fixed and you can go" Angie hands where on her hip staring at the ceiling

"You sure, shouldn't this be something I should do" I wanted to help

"It's alright, go." She pulled on her walking talkie calling for backup and supplies

"Alright, see you tomorrow" I said leaving the fighter heading to my bunk

The next afternoon Angie and I were replacing the oil and fuel in the fighters, learning how to properly charge the ion engines without injuring myself. Looking down my hands were dirty and greasy with a sting from an unknown cut.

"I'm going to go wash up," I told her, leaving for the cleaning stations. Turning on the warm water placing my hands underneath scrubbing my hands then drying them with a clean work towel. The port gates opened as four stormtroopers marched through, their radios loud as they were crowding around a dark cloaked hooded figure that was much taller than them. Everyone on port froze silent, the troops and the figure moved towards Angie in a formal fashion, stopping in front of Angie. The cloaked figure were speaking together but I couldn't hear them. Workers stood their position not daring to move. After so much time the figure and Angie moved towards the Commander's TIE and my view was being blocked, moving outward on the edge of the runway to see better. _What were they saying?_ I thought, they entered the TIE as I stood there motionless. It felt like forever when they finally stepped out still having a conversation. There was a laugh coming from Angie even though it looked to be a nervous laugh. She went back to speaking, as the cloaked figured turned in my direction, the black helmet shooting in my gaze as if death was looking straight at me. _Wait, were they talking about me?_ My heart dropped, the figure turned back to Angie raising his hand that was gloved as he left marching back down the runway. Moving out of their way behind a wheeled transport as quickly as possible, his gaze still on me as he left through the gates silent. The rest of the day Angie was quiet, her peppy self wasn't there. I didn't question what happened to her. What did he say? That night it was hard to sleep, tossing turning my eyes closed only then to snap awake. Finally drifting to sleep an hour before work, Nova, my roommate tugging me to wake up almost making me swear at her. That morning on the port I didn't see Angie. I sat by the toolbar looking at my pad learning the anatomy of the aircrafts the language of the parts and where Angie is. She never had been late and if she was she'd send me a notice. Looking over I could see Nova and her trainer working on a smaller TIE. She was laughing happily knowing why her trainer, Nicolas is young with a boyish face. I couldn't sit here all day, going over to an worker that was male tan with dark hair in his 30s

"Excuse me?" I asked

"Can I help you miss" he sounded as if he didn't want to be bothered

"I was just wondering about Angie she's my trainer"

"Angie?" there was confusion on his face "No haven't heard of her but maybe she'll come in this afternoon"

The way he spoke was odd; he obviously was here long enough to know her.

"Oh, okay" I let out a sigh of confusion

I went back to the toolbar until it was time for lunch hour but I was too tired to eat as I decided to rest. Walking in the main corridor I was almost to the steps of the bunkers when I was stopped by two troopers

"Halt" one said a male voice

"You're coming with us" as he proceeded to take my arm

"Fuck, what now" I thought

Following them back to the gates of the port, the gates clanked opened seprating, being completely empty given the lunch hour as the troopers walked through the runway when he was standing there. The stormroopers pushed me stopping me about 4 feet in front of what I presume was the Commander.

"You're excused" his voice was dark low synthetically filtered making me shudder

The troopers marched away hearing the gates closed.

"You" his voice was sharp I looked up at him his helmet was black with chrome increments the blue lights of the ports reflected.  
"Were you the one assisting my aircraft " he spoke slowly

"Y-Yes sir" my mouth felt dry my mind was jumbled we began walking toward his aircraft. His boots hitting the ground echoing.

Commander opened his fighter stepping onto the ramp, I kept my distance from him crossing my arms against my chest. He looked around silence going over to the cockpit sitting in the pilot seat buckling in. I wasn't gathering what was going on, the sound of switches being flipped on as the aircraft began vibrating that's when I got a clue. Scrambling to the only passenger seat buckling the thin straps as the aircraft was positioned for take off as the exit gate opened to then shooting into the vacancy. The G-forces knocked me back, my stomach swirling. There was more silence except for the beeps and a soft hum, the sound of unbuckling broke through Commander got up and walked back towards me.

What the hell does he want

There was a pain in my head not sharp but more of a dull tension straining as if my brain was being squeezes.

"Where's Angie?" I spat out tears forming in my eyes from the pain

"She's been dismissed" he murmured "I didn't appreciate the vocabulary she used about me saying how I was...immature"

Commander stepped away, his back facing me.

"Saying false words about me to a trainee she's the one that is immature"

"Angie is not immature she is very professional more professional than you are" I was trembling with anger

Commander turned around on his heel and a heavy pressure held me down, suffocating me as he paced towards me. How was he doing this? His helmet in front of my face too close I can hear his breathing, pulling my head back against the headrest.

"Don't talk back to me" the pressure continued, unbearable

Stepping away from me the pressure released snapping back panting a cold sweat forming on my brow. Commander sat in his pilot seat buckling himself in again. We began moving back to base in silence.

"Asshole" I thought in my head

Upon landing Commander stood up it was still, and quiet until slam crunch crack.  
Commander went towards the exit opening the hatch. The light of base flooded in

"I want this fixed by tomorrow morning, and you will get no help"  
he stepped off onto the ramp.  
"I'll see how much of smart kid you are" the words were mocking

Left alone, getting out of the seat walking to the cockpit seeing the damage. The control panel was busted. Too complex picking up broken metal, plastic, another material I can't figure out.

I stared at the board for 3 hours with nothing done my mind overwhelmed. Grabbing tools that I think I need and supplies rebuilding and replacing. This goes here and that goes no... wait this goes here it fits but wrong. I was so tired I climbed onto the Commander's seat. It was comfortable, too comfortable I dozed off until crash. My eyes flying open not knowing what time it was but time was ticking. I noticed it was the end of the day as workers were leaving base and my work was incomplete. I spent the next hours trying to make amends until I said fuck it.

I grabbed some tape and just stuck it onto the board writing fuck you on a post it leaving it.

Stumbling out of the the craft,back to the bunks, I stepped in seeing Nova was getting ready for work tying up her sandy blonde hair in a bun stepping into her dark jumpsuit

"Don't talk to me I've been working over time" I said rudely

I didn't mean to sound rude but I was just so tired... and hungry.

The second my head hit the pillow I fell into a deep sleep. Waking up my eyes slowly opening when I saw feet on the ground not Nova's but black boots. My eyes trailed up and I saw the dark mask staring at me

"You're incomplete" the dark synthetic voice filled my head

I snapped awake breathless...


	2. Quiet the Imagination

Disclaimer this chapter contains explicit mature content)

The cafeteria was busy, and loud during dinner Nova and I were sitting away in a corner. My fork prodded and poked the food I was starving but my hunger wasn't fully there afraid that Kylo would barge in with blasters killing everyone knowing my work is incomplete. Nova babbled about her day with Nicolas. I wasn't paying attention as I continued prodding. Just nodding my way through she was talking about how they did a test flight, Nicolas allowing Nova to sit in the pilot seat and taking some control of the gears. At least her trainer isn't killed, and then some asshole takes you out into space to then damage their craft leaving you there helpless.

After dinner walking back to the bunks Nova stopped  
"This is so last minute of me but, um, I was going to study at Nicolas place tonight" she told me  
"Oh yeah sure it's no problem I was going to call in for the day" sure 'studying' probably isn't going to involve the anatomy of the aircraft.  
Nova practically skipped away her sandy blonde hair bobbing as I headed down the metal steps to my bunk. I swear I saw him standing in the narrow passageway hard to see as a cloud of steam arose. I blinked and he was gone.

Couple of days went by, Angie hasn't been replaced. I was stuck doing things on my own, a total fuck up. The basic skills were easy but other things not so much. Remembering the 5 step rule Angie taught me on day one

1.Safety (being uniformed in proper work gear, and being cautious)

2.Professionalism (no half ass work, these are flying weapons)

3\. Organization (supplies, tools, must be kept in secure places for quick grabs)

4.Fast Pace (doesn't mean rushing)

5.Sanitize (clean spills, closes open wirings, and clear work areas) 

Not on the list don't die

It was hard without her.   
Accidentally screwing in the wrong bolts, not knowing where parts go. One fighter was completely destroyed because of my fault. No one was injured but the fighter had to be replaced completely.  
Was Angie wrong about me, that I was smart, organized, a good worker, what if I made so many mistakes that she had to fix them for me.   
I've been such a screw up my job changed to being a engineer messenger, delivering notes for the head engineers for supplies, parts, and scraps. Giving off new design ideas to improve the crafts and worst of all cleaning after people. 

The port had been quiet, no attacks, no missions in the past days. It was the end of the work day I was mopping up some spilled oil. A worker didn't tighten the cap tight enough on the fuel tanks. How did I go from something great to being a custodian messenger pigeon.   
Fuck you Kylo Ren

Sensing something behind me I turned around seeing the commander standing there. Tall dark broody, terrifying,I froze, gripping the mop in my hands.  
There was a pressure in my head similar to the one weeks back. Kylo stepped over to me his body large standing over me  
"I'm not of afraid of you" I gritted my teeth  
Placing his gloved hand on my face the pressure tensing  
"Is that so,everytime I'm around, you want to jump out of your skin" Kylo's synthetic voice filled my head as he let out a small laugh. There was a delay in the filter that I can separate a second voice.  
"There's something else I sense but it isn't coming from your head."   
My face felt warm as my annoyance grew  
Kylo stepped away "I want you to fly with me" he said  
"No," I said sharply, going back cleaning up the mess. "I'm not going to fly with you because the last time I had to clean up your mess"  
"Fair" he cocked his head "you're now realizing how such a horrible worker you are as if I didn't read Angie's mind"  
Wait he's telepathic?  
Anger boiled in me shut up  
He let out a chuckle coming back to me, his helmet against my ear.  
"And they say I'm the one with a temper" he pulled out a piece of paper it was the note I left on the dashboard   
"Such respect" stepping away from me going towards his craft.  
"Well at least I don't kill people when I have a temper" gripping the mop just in case for an attack "I just end up cleaning up their childish acts"  
"Such a fiesty thing" the mop flew out of my hand into Kylo's. As he snapped it with his fist.  
"Fly with me, you don't get a choice Xena". There was something in his voice but I couldn't figure it out  
I rolled my eyes letting out a sigh leaving the puddled of spill.

Entering the craft I was prepared this time heading to the back.  
"Upfront," Kylo commanded I looked around confused   
"There's no place to sit" I mentioned  
"Sit in my lap" he replied  
"Isn't that considered harassment" folding my arms my brows furrowed together annoyed   
"As if it's something you never dreamed of" he was in my mind "nasty thoughts quite the imagination"  
My body tightened, 

no no I'm not...no!

"Isn't that considered personal invasion?" I asked now he is really pushing it.  
"Please" Kylo moved towards his seat sitting down preparing for takeoff.  
Following his order sitting in his lap feeling the warmth and size of his body, looking out the red shield.   
Kylo buckled in as he started the engines pressing a yellow button to open the launch gates positioning the craft for take off shooting outward into space. The G-force knocking my back into Kylo's chest as I heard him chuckle. What is he thinking now? The jump only last a couple of seconds stopping in the middle of open space approximately a miles from base. The TIE was quiet, white noise filling in the silence. Keeping my gaze foward. 

Is he going to have sex with me or is he going to eject me out into space?

"Possibly" Kylo spoke making me jolt,  
Possibly what jerk  
before I knew it we were moving again picking up speed seeing the speedometer numbers rising.   
"Now time for some fun" Commander said  
Kylo's hands wrapped around the joysticks, his feet on the pedals feeling his legs shift. Moving at a high speed taking dips and turns. Going upside down in loops and twists. I was getting motion sickness wanting for this torture to end. 

....

Landing back Kylo laughed "Your fun to play with" I can tell he was teasing me.  
"I'm not your pet" i was annoyed my stomach churning as I fumbled with the buckle loosening myself free stumbling off to exit.  
"I'll see about that" Kylo stepped off the air craft as I was on the rim of the ramp. I saw him go over to the bucket of spilt oil.  
Don't do it, please don't ... just like that, kicking it over as the gloopy oil spilled out  
"Looks like you have a job to do, get back to work"   
Standing there heated 

Jackass

"Oh and watch your language around me" I went over to the spill seeing his caped flowed as he left the port the gates closing. I let out a sigh searching for a new mop and cleaning supplies  
...

"Fuck, fuck, fuck" my body shivered "shit" I breathed out Commander was on my mind and my hands down my pants. How can I have feelings for someone who obviously killed a good friend, a mentor of mine leaving me helpless to wanting his dick down my throat.

For the past week I had a nasty thought. Thinking back to the night we were together knowing he was teasing me. Working around his TIE the urge continued to grow.  
The ship docks were sparse as it was the end of the work day. Whenever he was around my body tightened not in fear but anticipation my body arousing at the thought of him. This would be dangerous as the port is guarded but not so crowded after work hours. 

Should I do this, no don't my head kept looking at the overhead time 10 more minutes and it's shut down. Finally the last crew members left as I was left behind. Standing in front of his aircraft my stomach in knots, pushing down on the latch it as it made a loud hissing sound hoping no one heard. Entering the darkness with only the light of the port flooding casting a red glow. Closing the hatch down it was cold with a scent of metallic and leather. Walking towards the cockpit seeing the buttons and switches remembering him abandoning me to replace them. My fingers sweeping over the leather pilot seat my mind going back to when I sat in his lap the warmth underneath my legs. Taking in a deep breath placing my bag down and pulling down my pants sitting bare on the leather seat it was cold. The seat was concaved to his body and I sat comfortably this wasn't my first time here but it felt new. Reaching down to my bag opening it pulling out a glass dildo with a purple heart on the end. Not only that but also a little vibrator putting it on the edge of the seat. Placing my legs over the arm rests careful not to bump into the joys sticks and adjusting my self wetting my fingers with my spit circling my clit. Lifting my shirt up revealing my breast the sensitive nipples budding against the cold but I was feeling so hot. There isnt much time reaching for the dildo holding it against my opening pushing through moaning pulling it out and repeating. Finding my vibrator, turing it on placing it against the hood of my clit as I continued pumping myself with an image of him. His gloved hands on my body his synthetic voice calling me pet names. Imaging what he looked like underneath he could be hideous old dry but his masked self is so sexy. Trying to keep my cries quiet echoing in the empty shell only to then scream his name as my body shooked and spasmed. Squirting all over the leather seats making a mess. Breathless drained as I sat there still toying with myself regaining my head. Sitting up moving my legs and reaching back into my bag for a towel and wipes cleaning the area and myself. That was intense. After a while I knew I should leave gathering my things and getting dressed I left the fighter.

....

Swiflty walking through the corridor, the lights buzzing thankfully empty rushing back to my bunk. That's when I saw him, my body tightened again. He was walking hurriedly, his dark cape flowing behind him,his boots hitting the ground hard sensing he was angry underneath his garb. I looked down trying to pass him only to have him grip my arm forcefully and push me against a wall, my bag dropping to the floor.   
"Why were you in my fighter" he yelled I still wasn't used to his temperament.  
"I...I was inspecting it Commander" I stammered heart racing no time to think "a worker mentioned..."  
"LIAR, you were fucking yourself"  
Fuck he heard my thoughts... my thoughts ended when Kylo went to my bag crouching down.  
No...he opened it looking his head snapping back to me he came back over his hand slapping me across the face stinging. His body pushed me against the wall as his helmet was against my head his hands around my neck  
I could hear him chuckling "you filthy whore invisioning me fucking you"   
"No sir those aren't mine,... I must've grab the wrong bag" my throat was dry   
"LIAR" he yelled  
Before I knew it I was being pulled by him, my feet not being able to keep up. Kylo picked up my bag as I stumbled behind him, his grip hard on my forearm knowing it would leave a mark. We entered the empty port throwing me down in front of his fighter.  
"Open it" he commanded  
"Yes commander" opening the hatch as we both entered.  
I stood in the entry way as Kylo investigated knowing this is my last day alive. He stood over his pilot seat.  
"Come here" Kylo commanded using his two fingers to gesture approachin him without hesitation I followed  
"Is this where you fucked yourself?" He asked pointing  
I didn't want to look at him, I was embarrassed ashamed   
"Answer me" his voice was surprisingly calm  
I didn't say anything   
"ANSWER ME" he yelled, his patience running low  
"Yes" tears were forming   
Kylo sat in his seat his large body taking most of the space  
"Please don't kill me" I said quietly as a tear rolled down I pushed his limits  
I can hear him huff   
"Why would I kill you when I want to punish you. As if I didn't know you planned this for days, my image in your thoughts. Touching yourself before you slept"   
my face fell red burning, get out of my thoughts  
"Don't be ashamed I admire it"   
His hand was on his crotch rubbing himself slightly   
"Why don't I make your fantasy become a reality" he looked up at me it was hard to see his helmet camouflaged in the darkness  
Is he serious I became aroused again  
"Will you take off your helmet?" I asked  
"No, you fucked yourself to this didn't you"  
"Yes" I said  
...  
Unbuttoning his black trousers pulling out his cock he was human it was pink hard the head throbbing. Getting on my knees feeling the rough metal floor under my knees holding his cock in my hand stroking it. Looking up, he was looking at me, his fingers on my jaw, placing my lips around his cock his head falling backwards. I could taste his pre cum pushing more so his length could fit in my mouth sucking. I could hear him his breath jagged,his hands on the back of my head. My jaw getting sore pulling away my mouth going towards his balls sucking on one  
"Fuck, you're such a slut" Kylo let out a little laugh looking up at him  
"Get up" he commanded "undress"  
I did what he asked uncomfortable being bare around him, taking off my shirt and pants.  
"Sit on my lap whore your back facing me" he ordered   
"Yes commander" I replied  
Sitting on his lap feeling his cock against my back   
His gloved hands going over my body   
Pinching my sensitive nipples letting out a sharp sign, my legs parting as his gloved hands dipped in between.  
"Sit on my cock"   
Adjusting myself, his cock sliding into my opening as I let out a moan he was warm and big.  
"Fuck me like how you fucked yourself"  
Moving my hips, my body slamming into his, his hands on my waist, my fingers on my clit.  
Holding back my cries  
"Scream if you have to" and so I did the fighter being filled with my cries and screams  
I can feel something vibrating when I realized Kylo was holding my vibrator against my clit   
"Shit" I cried out   
Kylos grunts mixed with mine, his hand on my throat, squeezing , cutting off blood flow.  
"I'm...going to cum..."  
"Do it slut"  
Letting out a loud cry I came hard squirting throbbing making a mess.   
"Get up" Kylo bit out  
I stood up wobbling  
"On your knees"   
I followed his instruction this time more painful as the metal dug in my skin  
Kylo took his cock in his hands jerking himself quickly his breaths rapid within a loud groan became  
Cuming his load onto my chest and mouth.  
"Filthy whore" he chuckled fixing himself  
"Clean up this mess"  
Kylo stood up leaving the fighter but before he did  
"Mention any of this and you will be killed"   
Kylos stepped out closing the hatch  
I sat there amazed and tired with no energy to move.  
I just fucked Kylo Ren....


	3. Girl Talk

Sitting on my bed in the small metal bunk located in the belly of the ship. Nova and I were ready for bed as it was a long day on base. I hesitated as the thought but felt it was okay to tell her what Kylo and I did two weeks back in his TIE. Besides he was nowhere located on the ship he was called out to join battle on a planet light years away from Star Destroyer. He couldn't hear my thoughts here if he is light years away could he?   
Nova was busy writing in her journal on her lap her blonde hair hung over her head shaggy while the small busted overhead light flickered. Down here everything is aged and broken. This was Nova's nightly routine of hers to document her life where she hopes, one day will be published. Sure she was only 19 turning 20 in a few weeks but she had been through so much. Losing her planet, home, and family.

"Have you ever met Commander?" I asked holding my pillow in my arms biting the dead skin on my lips  
Nova didn't look up   
"No" she answered "I've seen him roaming around, never met him." she continued writing hearing the scratch of her pen against the paper.  
"What are your opinions on him?" I spoke in a soft tone afraid the neighbors will hear.  
Putting her pen down and looking up   
"Truthfully I heard he's kind of a dick. The way he treats us, the little to no respect. I didn't choose to be here, I am thankful and privileged that I am here better where I was but I feel it's life or death working under him." Nova went back to writing  
"Oh" crap if Kylo heard that she could be killed like Angie  
"Can I tell you something?" I held onto the pillow tighter  
"Sure" Nova moved her journal out of the way ontop the small file cabinet readjusting herself, I took in a deep breath looking up at the ceiling.   
"I met Commander Ren" looking back down at Nova her eyes went wide   
"What did he say or do to you?" she asked with concernment on her face  
"Well first he inspected his TIE to see the work I did and then we had a test flight."   
"Oh, but did he threaten you or anything?"   
"No, not really," I paused trying to recap figuring out the words I want to to use "he was mean though and then I saw him"   
Nova looked scared "Like without the helmet" she was pointing at her head  
"No...we kinda had" I was gesturing what I was going to say but Nova didn't get it  
"Had what Xena" Nova's eyebrows were raised "he isn't going to execute you, is he?" her face was concerned I shook my head no  
"No, um we had sex" I said quietly into the pillow my cheeks burning red in embarrassment   
Nova's jaw dropped "wait, what, when?" She said loudly  
"Shhhhh" I tried to quiet her "It wasn't romantic more of just a need we did it a few weeks back in his fighter on the port after work hours"   
Nova looked at me her face changed she began laughing   
"You're lying your just making up a scenario"   
"No we did" I said almost too loud the neighbors could hear. Nova noticed I wasn't joking and became serious  
"How was it, was he big, average did he take off his helmet" she had a huge smile on her face  
"Still didn't take off his helmet but he was above average I guess and it was good, intense."  
"Was it your first time, you know?" Nova was chewing on the tip of her pen smiling  
"No" I shook my head "definitely not the first time"  
"Holy shit, so I guess you're Kylo's personal whore now" Nova giggled  
"I doubt it besides it's probably a one and done thing" placing the pillow down getting under the cover laying on my back looking up at the rusted ceiling  
"I hope it isn't" I thought   
...

The following day fighter pilots and Kylo Ren arrived back. Many were injured and some were killed. A couple TIE fighters were damaged,Mechanics swarmed around fixing and savaging what they could; loud shouting and banging echoed through the port hurting my ears. Kylo's TIE was in perfect condition as if it had laser proof material on the exterior. The shell didn't even have a scratch or dent. Memories flooded back into my mind from that night feeling a fluttering sensation. 

Walking through the corridors with my data pad in hand I was ordered to go to the head engineer quarters to show them what needs to be done to improve the air crafts and what parts needed to be ordered. Some parts were written in a language I couldn't comprehend. That was when I bumped into him, losing grip and dropping the pad as it slid on the black tiles a few feet away from me.   
He didn't say anything however it felt more purposeful than accidental. I looked at him and he looked at me, his mask hidden by his hood only seeing the reflection of the silver and his dark stare. It felt cold terrifying.  
"Dickhead" I thought in my head thinking of the worst to come but nothing happened.

Around afternoon sitting in the common lounge with Nova, other crew members and some fighters during break conversing about what happened during battle. Being sucked into the stories, a lady in a dark grey uniform her dark brown hair in tight low bun recongnizing she was an elite worker. Her heels clacked as she came to me handing me a note no introduction or name given. Looking down at the note it was typed not handwritten with an address to a section of the ship I wasn't too familiar with; no name was put down only a time. I looked at it confused but figured it was nothing, maybe someone needed me to send off a package or deliver a note of supplies.

....

Glancing at the note and then a map on my data pad in my other hand making my way to where I am supposed to go. The map kept shifting rerouting and losing signal. Many turns and miles not realizing how big the ship was or if I am going the correct way. Looking at every section door marker to make sure I wasn't going in the wrong direction every stairwell if I needed to go up or down. 

Walking through this maze I also noticed the workers were different. They seemed to be more stern, their uniforms darker similar to the lady's a bit more professional higher class. I also noticed more stormtroopers present higher security. Some elited gave me hard glances as if I didn't belong probably didn't as my oiled stained uniform wasn't primed and proper like theirs. I am a low class worker living in the metal bunks of the ship cleaning up after people. While they are the elite heads of the ship they hardly do any work. Trying to keep focus on where I needed to go.  
"Excuse me" I asked one worker who turned sharply a man tall with blonde hair cut and styled in a military fashion. He looked rough as if he may have been through many battles. His face scared seeing the raised streak.  
"How may I help you miss?" His eyes were beady cold   
"I'm looking for this address?" I asked kindly showing him the paper.  
Snatching the paper from my fingers he read it in his leather gloved hands  
"Seems to me you're in deep trouble miss" he peered at my badge "Xena"  
"What?" I looked at him concerned but no answer   
"Come with me" was all that he replied 

Followed behind him we walked until we stopped in front of a large door he pushed on the dial buttons   
"Commander your guest is here" the man left me alone in front of the doors. They opened only to be pulled in by an invisible force slamming me against a wall of machines.

....

Falling hard to the floor oxygen knocked out of my lungs my head throbbing. Before I could gain strength I was being pulled up by the same force crushing my windpipe.   
"What did I tell you about our secret" the familiar synthetic voice filled the room sensing he was angry.   
Commander came behind a wall staring hard at me is robed body tensed as the pressure grew, I couldn't scream but inside my mind was a blood curling scream. Stepping closer to me, his helmet pressed against my head cold and hard. Hearing his breathing.  
"Ple-" I strained fighting the force  
"That Nova girl, hmmm should I" his voice loud daunting against my ear  
I was losing oxygen the room becoming a haze my eyelid fighting to keep open my face hurting  
"No.. p-please" I choked out   
The force broke falling down hard gasping lungs full of air coughing   
"Please"I gasped tears forming my mouth dry and stale "please don't kill her" I begged "kill me instead"  
How did he hear us?  
He let out a dark laugh "Stupid, you thought I couldn't hear you but that's all I could hear, your little girl talk"   
He stood over me his boot stepping onto my hand letingt out a sharp cry.  
"And that word you called me in the corridor earlier today, where are your manners" placing more pressure on my hand feeling it pulsing  
"I'm sorry Commander" tears rolled down my cheeks fearing for my life "it won't happen again" I sobbed  
Letting go of my hand sitting up taking it into my other hand and rubbing it feeling thw circulation rushing back in.  
"I'm not going to let you go so easily" he squatted down in front of me his index finger on my chin feeling the soft leather  
"If you're going to kill me, do it but not Nova please" anger burned in me  
He huffed "I'm not going to kill you, you're my pet or what did she say" he paused for a second thinking, his head turning slightly to the side  
"My personal whore" he mentioned "mmm, I like that word" his voice became sinister.  
Standing up as I looked at him  
"Why don't I punish that mouth of yours whore" the way his words came out, my mouth began to water but I was still tense with fear.  
Unbuttoning his trouser my stomach tightened. Pulling out his cock I stared as he stroked it his breathing becoming broken a small moan escaped.  
"How bad do you want this?" His strokes became faster as his cock continued to grow.  
"Bad" my heart was leaping blood rushing making me aroused almost dizzy his gloved hand on my jaw line as I looked at him. His thumb pressed on my tongue hard tasting the sweet leather  
"Beg for it" he growled  
"Please sir" I replied softly   
"Not good enough"   
"Commander, I want your cock in my mouth" I replied  
"That's a good slut" his voice was dark sultry "Wider" he growled opening my jaw more placing the tip of his cock on my lips. Feeling his warmth taking him into my mouthsucking. My head bobbing in a rhythmic motion to then have his hand hold my head taking his entire length making me gag, tears forming from the corner of my eye.  
"Good girl" he purred "take me entirely"  
He released his group on my head taking a deep breath as he looked down, seeing my messy face.   
"Mmm such a delight" he moaned  
"Show me your tits" he commanded  
"Yes Commander" unbuttoning my shirt showing him my bare breasts, his hand gliding over them cupping massaging them. His Fingers pinching my nipples as they became hard and tender.  
"Continue" he bit out  
"Yes sir" re-positioning myself taking him in my mouth until I heard him cuss under his breath his seed going down my throat as I swallowed his load.  
"Such a good whore" his hand on my jawline lifting my head up as he looked. I invisoned the man behind the mask was smiling with pleasure please of my punishment "you may leave when you are ready".  
Kylo moved away going over to a black chair tucked in the corner of the room now realizing it was small private lounge area. His mask was still on me wondering my next move.

I wasn't ready to leave my clit was begging to be touched sure I can run off now and go back to my bunk but I didn't. Reaching into my work pants feeling how wet I became. Toying with myself as Kylo watched noticing he was getting turned on again. Both of us masturbated at a distance if felt odd but so right it almost felt he was touching me. Within minutes I orgasmed quickly my body jerking as I whimpered quietly.   
"Nasty whore" Kylo said after being so silent he fixed himself before leaving the room.   
I sat there alone with my back against the machines breathless my head dizzy comprehending what just happened. Taking some time to recuperate.   
Buttoning up my shirt, fixing and braiding up my hair gathering getting up and walking out the sliding door. Seeing there were a few elite workers staring at me proceeded back to their work.


	4. Mind Control

Two weeks passed since the last time Kylo and I had our encounter. I didn't mention our last meeting to Nova even though she was curious if we were still a thing but I did it for safety. Nova is like a little sister to me and she is here for a home temporarily. I don't want to put her life at risk.   
Whenever Kylo popped into my head my body wanted him. I couldn't tell if he was mind controlling me or if it were my own thoughts. He probably has my room wired there could be spies floating around so it's best to keep my mouth shut. 

Nova was out working late studying, as she now wanted become a pilot fighter. The room was to myself for a couple of hours and Nova respect privacy and knows to knock before entering. My body was begging to be touched all day sitting on the small twin bed the light flickering. Only wearing a thin material oversized nightshirt, my hands wandered to my breast soft sensitive my nipples budding a bit too hard they became painful. Rubbing them in between my fingers, my eyes closed. Lifting the shirt up my whole body naked as my hands trailed down wishing it was Kylo's but not him with his gloved over robed self. I envisioned it was his bare hands trying to think what he could look like underneath. What he sounded like without the filter.  
My fingers dipped into my wet folds circling my clit placing my vibrator in my opening as it buzzed hitting the right spot.  
Keeping my noises quiet, turning over placing myself on the firm pillow bunching it up as I began humping it. The movement hitting my clit as the vibrator kept buzzing. My hands on my breast cupping them toying my nipples as my rhythm moved quicker. The small framed bed squeaking knowing I should be more quiet but fuck I was so into it. Laying on my back down removing the vibrator grabbing my glass dildo to finish as I started pumping the vibrator now on the hood of my clit. So fucking close. My body is hot sweating hair sticking to my forehead. I kept pumping until I released spasming, grunting and cumming all over my sheets. My fingera went inside of me as I felt my warmth. Fuck.  
....

[Kylo’s POV]

Xena's thoughts swarmed my head, so fucking loud. I needed to be alone as I kept myself in my quarters most of the day. Deciding to take a shower undressing myself as I caught her voice once again.   
"Shut up" I growled aloud but this thought was different. She was thinking of something. Thinking of me, go figure. Stepping into the shower the warm water on my back in my hair going down my chest. Thoughts still connected. Xena was now naked I tried cutting her out, her hands on her body. Still thinking of me wanting to touch her. Ignore it I told myself  
But I couldn't my cock was growing hard taking it into my hands. Remembering how her lips felt on my tip, how she looked sucking me. Wanting her in the shower with me so I can fuck her body against the tiles. Wanting to hear her cries as I pound into her. My hand rhythm became faster as Xena moved into another position on her pillow. Dirty slut.  
Now my thoughts changed wanting her to ride me like that night in the fighter. She was so fucking wet and tight. Her thoughts changed again. She was cumming my body ready to cum as I let out a low growl releasing into my hand.  
I needed her like she needed me.

....

[Xena’s POV]

Today was an off day as I completed my forty hours plus overtime, not wanting to be in the small cramped room. Nova was busy again studying, she was going to be in more classes today. I felt lonely since we hardly see each other on base and in the bunks. Also this guy bamed Flick who has been wandering around me lately. He was just a bit taller than me 5'10, reddish hair and blue eyes figure he is around my age 20 maybe 21. He's friendly, almost too friendly that I know he is trying to flirt with me. I went into the common lounge for a cup of coffee. Flick was there chatting with other male crew members  
Crap I thought to myself.  
He spotted me and smiled at me. I waved back knowing he isn't who I want.  
I didn't want to sit there for long afraid Flick would come towards me to talk to me. Don't be such a dick I thought to myself. So I decided to stay for a bit.  
Flick finished talking coming over to me   
Run now

"Hey" he called out,   
Too late, I could see his face clearly. He had acne scars and a bit of facial hair growing in poorly.  
"Hey" I replied giving him a small smile awkwardly   
"So is today your off day" his voice cracked   
"Yeah it is I'm just taking time for myself" I took another sip of coffee that was really bitter for my tasting  
"Cool, I'm on break but when my shift ends I was wondering if you want to hang out?" he asked   
"Sure, but my schedule can change" I felt uneasy   
"No biggie" he explained  
"Listen um I have to go I meeting up with a friend" making up an excuse to leave  
"Oh yeah sure" he said

I decided to take a walk around even though stormtroopers were heavily gaurding today. While wandering in the dark gray corridors I saw Kylo heavily uniformed as usual, he was speaking with a general. Walking past him I felt his eyes were on me. Deciding to toy with him changing directions walking back the other way, passing him again. Kylo wasn't talking to that general anymore but he followed behind me.   
Grabbing my arm, not forcefully this time pulling me into a small room with more machines. I recognized them they were monitors to keep the section of the ship's temperature and oxygen regulated.

"What" I bit out folding my arms annoyed

"Xena" Kylo said hearing him say my name this time felt different.

"I want to spend time with you tonight" his synthesizer filled the room "unless you have plans with that Flick kid" he sounded nervous a whole new demeanor was in his voice.

Rolling my eyes knowing he's in my head again  
"I don't want to spend time with him" I murmered "and I don't want to spend time with you if I have to keep seeing you in your stupid helmet" I said  
The room was silent except the beeps of the monitors. Kylo's body hovered over me like some form of shadow figure. He stepped back, his hands moved upward to his charcoal gray helmet pushing on a button as it hissed opened. The helmet looked as if it was about to come apart in pieces but stayed intact pulling it off. My mouth became dry as I braced my self for such creature but then my eyes widened. 

Kylo pulled off his helmet revealing a perfect pale with pink undertone face. His face is round angular complemented by dark wavy shoulder length hair. He wasn't some old bald wrinkled up thing like I imagined.  
Dropping his helmet as it made a loud thud upon hitting the ground, I matched his eyes they were dark almost deep brown, his lips equally full. Kylo was young, older than me but seems to be in his late 20’s or early 30’s. Stepping into the light seeing small beauty marks that speckled his face I reached out to his face as he pulled away but then seeing no harm feeling it was okay for me to touch him. My fingers touched his skin, his face was soft and warm.   
He looked into my eyes for a while I became lost in his, in the light Incould see they were a touch lighter. He pushed me back against the wall thankfully not the monitors. his lips crashing down on mine kissing me passionately with a little force his hand on my neck and lower back. 

"STOP" he growled pushing away  
"Did I do something wrong?" Gasping  
"No" he was thinking "just your thoughts"  
"I'm sorry" I apologized even I didn't know why  
"Meet me by my quarters in 5 hrs" he exclaimed "there will be a stormtrooper waiting mid point to show you where I want you to meet meet me"  
"Yes Ky-" Kylo gave me a look knowing that isn't how he wants me to address him "Yes Commander"

....

I wasn't sure if this was a date, or if he is going to use me like a living sex doll beside the droid ones doesn't have a realistic touch. I took a shower not exactly hot more of lukewarm,finding something nice to wear but not too nice. Nova was back, as I was getting dressed  
"How was class?" I asked her struggling to get a shirt over my head  
"Good learned some physics and safety precautions" she replied  
"When are going to actually fly?"   
"Well book work first then test flights" she looked at me for a while "then I would be a certified pilot..." she was still looking at me "are you going somewhere?" She asked her face confused  
"Yeah" crap she's onto me  
"Is it with Kylo?" She sat there grinnig  
"No" I lied   
"Oh well maybe we can do something together, I've been really busy and I felt we haven't spent much time together" she suggested  
"I just want to spend the night alone" I felt bad we haven't done anything in awhile   
"Oh" Nova shrugged her shoulders "you are just getting all dressed up and..."  
"It's nothing Nova" the guilt continued "just don't worry about it"  
"Oh okay" she sounded defeated "well have fun and be safe"  
"I will," I said as I left.  
...

I made it towards Kylo's section of the ship. The trek was tiresome as I didn't have much struggle navigating my ways this time. A stormtrooper titled FN-0034 was waiting for me halfway helping me the rest of the way. Stopping me in a unfamiliar corridor  
"I don't think this is correct" I said  
The trooper looked at me   
"This is where commander said to go, just make a left and you will see the doors"  
Turning back to the trooper I figured he may be right, I continued the corridor turning to the left , finding black double doors like the ones a few weeks back.  
There was a code pad but I wasn't given an access code. I tried thinking of a combination until the doors just beeped opened.  
Entering the foyer that lead out to a large living space with high ceilings all white with black and grey motiff. Floor to ceiling windows overlooking the vast abyss of space, the center of the room decorated minimally in middle of the room was sunken in black sitting couch with a firepit in the center. I stepped through overtaking the space and luxury. Better than the small rusty shoebox I was living in.   
Kylo stepped out behind a wall he wasn't wearing his over the top uniform, just a long sleeved black shirt and trousers.  
"What you don't like me in this form your thoughts says otherwise" Kylo made a small smile  
"So now you're going to be friendly with me?"I asked confused  
"No" he replied  
He walked over to the sitting area, I followed him, keeping distance just in case he wanted to throw me against a wall. He stepped down sitting on the rounded couch turning on the firepit the glass glowing blue. Sitting across from him I couldn't help but wonder how more attractive he was in this form his body was well sculpted against the material his waves making some of his face. Odd how he's supposed to be this scary commanding individual when really he seemed tame and quiet.   
"Why did you invite me here?" My tone was serious  
"What do you see in me that others don't?" he asked his eyes squinting at me.  
I was confused by the question   
"I have over hundreds of voices in my head and you seem to be the only one lusting over me" he looked at me hard "don't I scare you"  
"Yes" my mouth felt dry my mind figuring out what to say "Yes I did, when I first met you but now no" my body became hot thinking it must be from the pit.  
"When your were fucking yourself in my fighter you didn't think of any potential harm?" His questions were hard to answer   
"Um,I did" I became nervous this was a trap he led me into a trap  
A smile formed on his face sinister dark my stomach tensed in fear   
"And when I told you not to say a word you told" his demeanor changed to dark his eyes not leaving me   
I sat in silence scared, my eyes watering is he doing something to me or...  
"But you didn't say anything the second time we met trying to protect your friend Nova"   
"No I didn't"my voice broke "and yes I was" please don't kill her  
Kylo stood up slowly coming over me, his index finger wiping away a fallen tear. His lips against my ear as he let out a low laugh   
"You're scared now aren't you"   
His lips trailed to my neck kissing me  
"Kylo" I mumbled   
His hands going under my shirt feeling my breasts his soft hands cupping them gliding over my raised nipples  
"Ah" I moaned  
"Not here" he growled.


	5. Protection

Entering into Kylo's bedroom the lights weren't on it was dark as the walls were painted charcol gray. Just like the living room it had floor to ceiling windows there was a set of chairs and a small round table sitting in the left corner by the windows. A large bed was in the middle of the room against the left wall with black sheets neatly made. On the other opposite wall a large panel screen. While underneath was another long fireplace stretching most of the wall. It was pretty much empty. Kylo flipped on a switch turning on the fireplace as the glass rocks went aglow, a flame ingnigted lighting the room in a blue glow just like the one in the living room. Funny I thought it would be red. Kylo was quiet, he probably thought I envisioned it being ransacked because of his temper. He stepped into the middle of the room pulling off his shirt his face was one thing but his body is another he was built, muscular, the blue lighting hitting his pale chest. He took out his hand wanting me to take it into mine. I went over to him taking his hand looking up at his dark eyes as he slowly dropped my hand placing it on his waist.  
"I won't play nicely with you" he tucked my hair back behind my ears "I know you want someone to dominate you" his fingers caressed my cheek he pressed his lips looking at me studying my face.  
He pushed me down on the bed yanking my ankles, pulling me to the edge of the bed. His hands on the band of my waist yanking them down until my sex was exposed. Without hesitation he dropped to his knees, his mouth against my slit, his warm breath and mouth grazing. His tongue breaking through licking upward towards my clit.   
My back arched taking my shirt off mangling it off of me. Kylo grunted and his finger slipped in me as I let out a sharp cry. Freeing from my shirt my breasts exposed the room formed an ominous blue glow. Looking down seeing Commander feasting on me my hand in his thick hair. He let go, standing up, his lips falling onto mine as I tasted myself, his lips trailing down my neck towards my breasts. His mouth closing on a nipple my head swirling, feeling dizzy from the rush, the weight of his body on me warm hard sensually. Kylo stood up again. It was my turn. I kissed him, his hands on my back going to his neck down his chest until I reached the buckle of his pants. Strugling to unbutton him with it feeling his erection unzipping him until his cock broke free. Taking it into my hand I stroked it Kylo let out a cut off gasp. Tilting my head down taking him in my mouth.  
"Fuck" he let out my head bobbing pushing my self. His hand wrapped in my hair. Cupping his balls in my hands   
"Keep..going...slut" I kept going pulling away my mouth dripping of drool and tears  
"Such a beautiful sight" his hands cupped my face as I looked up at him pleased  
His hands fell on my hip rotating me on my knees pushing me up on the bed. Smacking my ass firmily letting out a yelp  
Kylo pulled me up holding against my throat "You like that don't you" his voice deep intoxicating my ear  
"Yes sir" his fingers fell on my clit as he toyed with it letting go of my neck pinching my nipple.  
He pushed me down on my bed smacking me on my ass again.  
Feeling his weight move until his cock was positioned at my opening, slowly pushing in until he thrusted his whole length   
"Ah" I moaned been so long since I felt his size  
He pulled out pushing in again this time not stopping. My head against the bed eyes closed until I felt something on my clit, be was using his force to toy with my clit. Fuck his master mind.  
The room was filled with our cries and groans. The sound of our bodies colliding with each other. Kylo pulled out as I sheepishly turned over on my back my hand on his neck  
"I'm not done with you" his face red sweaty his hair in loose waves   
He slipped back in me this time his cock hitting my g spot his lips on my neck my nails dug in his back scratching him as he let out a groan of pleasure   
"Oh fuck, I'm going to cum" crying out as he continued  
"Cum whore," he growled "you've been such a good girl for me"   
Right on command I came jerking squirting making a mess on the bed Kylo pulled out pulling me up positioning himself   
"Suck whore" he commanded  
My lips wrapping around his cock as I sucked my hands moving behind my mouth movement  
His breathing staggered as he let out a broken cry, his seed filling my mouth swallowing his load. I looked up at him as he stroked my hair.  
"That's a good girl" he smiled at me he was pleased.

Laying in his bed the sheets partially covering my body looking out the dark seeing the stars slowly drift twinkly red and blue. Kylo's arm hung over me holding me, put bodies pressed together. I turned over seeing Kylo was still awake.  
"I want to make a promise" he said "I promise I'll protect you, not just you but anyone you love" he told I was confused does he hate me still   
"Why" I thought in my head signaling him telepathically   
"Because there's a sense of hope" he said  
I stared into Kylo's eyes they were dark but tame I'm still confused why does he have these mood swings these shifts.  
Brushing back his dark locks there was something deeper. I saw a kind man that was lost.  
"I'm never letting anything bad happen to you I promise" Kylo hugged me my leg going over his hip feeling he was still hard.  
There was small smile on his face   
"More" I whimpered he rolled his eyes getting into position.

Morning came even though there wasn't a sun to proclaim the start of the day. Facing Kylo see him sleeping peacefully, his pale skin with a little redness on the cheeks his hair covering his eyes as I brushed them away his nose crinkled a bit. Adorable. Swinging my legs off the bed feeling like jello getting up to go the bathroom to take a shower. Staring at the metal panel figuring out which button to push or nob to turn. The water droplet symbol stood out for water, as the nobs were to control temperature. There were settings for different flows and showers. After being slightly frustrated I finally manage to start the shower warm the head over flowing with water not breaking up or squeaking like the ones in the bunks. The soaps were exorbitant filled with oils, extracts, scents from plants. Kylo stepped in the shower awhile later his body taking most of the space there was a beep as water rained down from the ceiling. His arm wrapped around me  
"I advise you to take the day off" his voice was deeper   
"Yesterday was my off day" told him  
"Do you want to explain the love marks on your neck" he planted a kiss on my neck  
Right those   
"Fine" I told him  
Kylo held me the sound of the water calmed me I don't want this to end.


	6. Moon Phase

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning Period Oral Sex

Nova was writing in her journal when I returned back, my head was still in a daze. The metal frame door cracked open when I entered the bunk not even stepping a foot in yet  
"Traitor" Nova grumbled not looking up at me  
"Well good afternoon to you too" I replied  
"You were with him again" she said now looking up her eyes cold  
"Nov, really" I let out a sigh, slumping down on my bed  
"I thought you liked him or me being with him" I mentioned  
She let out a sigh "Xen it's just" she huffed "I feel he shouldnt be someone you should be with" she folder her arms together  
"What?" I was confused "you bug me to know if we are still a thing"  
"I do but I feel he's putting you in a trap, you lie to me when you are going to be with him" Nova's tone was sour  
I can tell she wasn't happy we haven't done anything for a while and me lying to her I was going to be out with no explanation when I was going to return I knew she was upset with me.  
"Nov, I'm sorry" I apologized "I didn't want to put you in harm's way" I tried to explain   
"I'm in love and he told me he will protect me and anyone I love"  
Nova's mood shifted as she became angry  
"Xena are you on drugs" she yelled "he is setting you up for a trap, he is trying to lure in how can you fall in love with a man in a mask"  
"I saw him without the mask and he is beautiful I saw something in him Nov he is just misunderstood" I argued   
"XENA" she shouted "he is seducing you into something evil he has a power that is destructive no one on this ship likes him or wants to approach him. He is plotting something evil, he is using you Xena".  
I sat there as my ears burned clenching my jaw tight   
"So what, I can't be in love" I gritted "oh but you can" I became angry tears started forming I didn't mean to say that  
Nova looked at me with burning anger   
"You know what forget it, fine whatever" she snapped as I contained myself  
"Nova I'm sorry, I didn't mean it" I tried apologise  
"No it's fine go ahead get yourself and I killed" she stormed out of the room as I sat there feeling like an ass  
....

One week later

A note flew out of my locker picking it up seeing what it could be. It was a small white business card with no message just an address with a time posted. The same kind I received a while back, I rolled my eyes. I know who it's from.   
"What now?" I sighed slamming the metal door heading to base.   
The morning on base was chaotic. New trainees came in struggling making a mess. I was helping tightening the bolts on an engine when Flick kept bugging me to have lunch with him. I told him I was busy during lunch hour. He looked disappointed and slumped away. Nova was on the other side of base chatting with Nicolas, after our arguement last week we fell off a bit it felt odd to live with each other and seeing each other. I tried to apologize but nothing. Lunch hour came grabbing my supplies and putting then back in my locker knowing that I have to be somewhere.   
Walking at a decent pace through the corridors busy with droids and stormtroopers keeping my gaze forward trying to not provoke anyone. It took half of the hour to get to where the location was messaged, seeing Kylo with a general the same one I saw a few weeks back, he was in full uniform, his helmet on, not minding him the general stepped away as their conversation ended.  
"You" he called out I rolled my eyes  
"Yes Commander" my arms crossed over not knowing if he is playful or serious today  
"I need to speak to you" his synthetic voice deep and intimidating but not really  
"Okay" shrugging my shoulders  
"Not here" his hand gripped on my bicep pulling me as we walked hurriedly to a room.   
"What's with you pulling my arm" I huffed  
The room we were in was a meeting room all white except for a large black table and cushioned seating chairs.  
Kylo let go of my arm sitting into one of the seats  
"Please,take a seat" his hand gesturing to me to do so. I sat down as Kylo pulled off his helmet placing it on the table brushing away loose hair  
"What did I do now?" My arms folded my bludy slouched slightly swiveling the chair with my foot  
"Nothing" he stared at me his eyes seemed a bit lighter under the overhead lights  
"Then why did you-" I was becoming annoyed  
"Can I just talk to you?" He mummbled he took in a deep breath "There's this celebration coming up in about two weeks, happens once a year and I would love for you to join me" he told me   
"You want me to come to a party...with you" I stopped fidgeting sitting up  
"Yes" he nodded "except it is only open for generals and elite workers, not bottom belly workers"  
"So Nova can't be invited?" I questioned him even though Nova would be furious if I go.  
"Unfortunately no" his hand rested on his helmet the room was silent  
"So why me?" I asked   
"Why not" there was a smile on his face as his eyes looked at me he was being playful my body became tensed knowing what he wants to here  
"Yes, I will go" I mumbled  
"Excellent" Kylo perked up "but you will need a dress there is a heavy dress code and your scraps of clothing won't do" he let out a snort as I looked down at my stained clothes "I will set an appointment for dimensions with a stylist"   
I chewed on my lip, Kylo stood up stepping towards me his large body hoverinv  
"I can already invision you my pet" he gave me a small kiss making me want him he pulled back  
"Control yourself please you are still on work hours"   
I let out a groan 

....

Two days have passed Kylo ordered me to go to a designer for dimensions and view options of dresses. Ridiculous no one going to be able make a dress on time the celebration was in two weeks. Plus they have to be booked up with other Elites requests.  
Locating the fashion department, I waited for the designer in the main lobby. After a few minutes the designer came out behind a door she was a middle aged woman, petite tanned skin her hair long light gray even though it was tinted. A few lines and wrinkles stretched on her face as it was made up with eye liner and rouge lipstick. Her heels clicked on the tiles as she approached me.

"Xena correct" there wasn't a formal introduction she had a thick accent.  
"Yes ma'am" I replied  
"I'm Oja" she lent her hand out to shake it as I shook her hand   
"Commander Ren sent you?" She asked  
"Yes"  
"Hmm" she put her fingers to her face thinking "you are a bottom worker and he told me you are attending the Celebration correct."  
"Yes" I became anxious "is there a problem?" My brows furrowed  
"Of course not" she let out a small laugh "Commander told me he invited you because he wanted to incorporate a bottom worker" she looked at me timidly "follow me I will take you to my studio.  
Walking behind the door she just came out of as we entered a room complete black with minimal lighting there was a pedestal in the center of the studio facing a three panel mirror. There were some racks off to the side nothing else I could see.   
"I need you to undress into your undergarments if that is all right" she instructed  
"Yes that is fine" I started undressing but felt uneasy my body was cramping bloating another cycle coming.  
Standing in the middle of the room my feet cold from the floors as she took a measuring tape wrapping it around my waist, bust, arms,butt, and hips  
"Hm" Oja let out, I felt concerned   
"Is there something wrong?" I asked  
"No" she looked at me her brown eyes dark penetrating "your measurements are a bit bigger than the other women I work for a lot of muscle,strong girl built to fight" she mentioned   
Okay never heard that before I didn't know if I should take it as a compliment or an insult. Putting on my clothes again as Oja put the tape measure away she came back shortly as I stumble puting my pants back on.  
"I have some ideas in mind, Commander spoke with me describing you" Oja went over to a desk that wasn't visible before but as my eyes adjust I saw it was tucked by. a corner. Oja picked up a file handing it to me. I opened it seeing sketches of dress designs of long formal gowns. One was a dark navy blue with long sleeves it looked to old for me no didn't like that, another one red strapless with a deep plunge hell no. There was a gold and the last a white one but I felt it was going to be too out of place compared to the dark color scheme. God Kylo you just want me to be seen, I didn't want to be the center of attention. Then there was a final piece a black gown floor length flowy thin straps and a leg slit yes that's the one it would make a statement but not too loud.   
"This is the one" pulling out the sheet handing it to Oja "I like this dress"  
"Ah good choice" Oja took the file back "I will be seeing you in a few days again for sizing" she told me as she escorted me out back to the lobby.

....

My body really was kicking my ass during work, Nova was out test flying with a few pre certified fliers. Trainees were fucking up again as their trainers were trying to not to lose their patience. Flick thankfully was moved to a different department so I wasn't going go get bothered today. Sitting on the side taking a small break I observed a trainee going to close to Kylo's TIE fighter he looked young, younger than Nova probably 16 or 17 years old, I don't think his trainer was watching him but he managed to to open Ky's fighter.  
"Shouldn't do that if I were you" I said to myself as a cramp contracted I winced chugging water down from my canteen.  
Sure enough the trainer of the kid came and yelled at him to get out I just sat there laughing idiot

My cramps became more severe as I was feeling a headache and waves of nausea creep up. Getting up to head back to my bunk to take meds and rest when Kylo barged through the gates with stormtroopers and a general by his side, he called out to the kid his dark uniform flowing. Dramatic ass  
"Oh boy here we go, showtime" I moved out of the way to get a view but I didn't feel like sitting much longer so I left exiting into a side door trailing through a smaller passageway, exiting out to the main corridor. It was empty since it was work hours.  
I didn't make it far until Kylo pulled me on my arm. What was him and the arm pulling. He wasn't wearing his helmet as he cradled it in his left arm.  
"What did you do to the kid?" I asked curiously   
"I just spoke to him gave him a warning" his voice was deep today   
"Why are you being nice all of a sudden?" There was something different he hadn't been in his mood swings lately   
"Nice?" He looked at me confused, taking a while to think "He's new he needed a warning" he looked away as his eyes snapped back "didn't I give you a warning when I caught you" my face went red looking down  
"Was it with Angie or when I was..." I looked up at him knowing what I was thinking  
"That time" he pressed his lip "most definitely" his face was blank as if he is he was reading me  
"Yeah but you still punished me" I halved smiled at him  
Another pain ripped through me, my head getting heavier bringing me back to what I planned. Kylo's head moved a little looking down away from my face his eyes shifted to concernment.   
"You are on your moon phase isn't that what they call it" his gloved hand went to my stomach pressing lightly   
"Yeah, so, I was just leaving to lie down" I explained shrugging my shoulders  
"May I come with you" wait Kylo wants to be apart of this womanly stuff  
"Sure, Nova is still training" I explained   
Traveling down to the bunks steamed bellowed as I took Kylo's hand showing where my room was.  
Pushing open the metal door showing him the dim metal room.  
"Nice place" Kylo said sarcastically   
Shut up  
I sat on the bed ready to lay down when Kylo just stood there he did take off a few layers of his uniform to be comfortable. His fingers brushing the trinkets some stolen others found from previous travels hung on the walls. Looking at the flyers pinned on the board  
"What are you thinking?" I wish I can get in his head at times  
A grin formed on his face "I want to taste you" he said softly  
"You're joking" I stared at him like he was insane of course he was but this is pushing it. Particialy laying down my arms supporting me upward  
Kylo got on his knees his hand on my boots pulling them off   
"No I am not" his hands trailed up on my waistband pulling then as he stripped me  
" fucking gross asshole" I groaned, I heard him laugh   
"I bet this will make you feel so much better" his lips skimmed up my bare legs. I didn't want to look at him, his face buried in my mess. But I did his warm full lips touch my folds and my hand in his dark hair. His tongue swirling, putting my legs on his shoulders giving him more. Unbuttoning my shirt, exposing my breasts they weren't tender and painful cupping them. Kylo placed an ungloved finger inside me arching upward hitting my g-spot. Humming against me feeling the vibration of his mouth as he lapped up my juices  
"F-Fuck Kylo" gasping my head falling back  
My hips buckling hearing Kylo spit continuing the assault, his fingers strummed against my clit continuing the flicks of his tongue, his hand on my belly. Warm comforting soothing the pain, my moans were quiet as I sank further in pleasure. He groaned as he nipped me placing more fingers inside of me making me more close.  
His fingers movements became faster hearing his breath, my nub getting harder and harder  
Until I orgasmed twitching shaking   
"Fuck"my scream muffled by his large hand collapsing on the bed  
Kylo pulled back his mouth lined with my blood his fingers bloodied as he he took them into his mouth it was sensual seeing him doing it finding a towel and water from a jug he cleaned himself and me  
"Did that make you feel better"   
"Yes" I said breathlessly but there was a focal expression of shock.  
"Shit,Nova's coming" he was alarmed as I try to gather myself,I rummaged for a large shirt and putting my panties back on. Nova knocked on the door   
Kylo's face was still a shocked expression, it was funny to look at him he quickly stumbled to put on his mask and gear back on quickly.  
"Come in" I called out  
Nova came in she stopped scared  
"I was just having a word with Xena" Kylo's synthetic voice broke through.. Kylo exited the room knowing he was all red underneath from embarrassment   
Nova stared at me blankly, her light brown eyes wide I started laughing to break tension as she followed along we both needed rest as we collapsed on our beds.  
"Do you still hate me?" I asked staring at the the ceiling   
"Xen, I never hated you" she replied "I'm sorry sis"  
"I'm sorry too, Nov"


	7. Rumor

"I'm going to need to do some touch ups and a little more detail" Oja explained pressing her lips together making her thin wrinkles crease. Glacing at my reflection in the three way mirror standing on the pedestal in the center of the dressing room. The dress was stunning even though it was incomplete pins stuck out holding the fabric together. I looked frumpy, my hair in a messy bun, loose curls hanging. No support on my breasts and I looked tired or was it the lighting making my eyes look sunken in. The celebration is less than a week away until then I need self care, sleep, and a break from work.   
"I suggested you should have a hair stylist and a makeup artist, they will assist you on the day of but you will need to come early" she told me as stepped down feing the pin against my skin  
"Where will I meet them?" I asked  
"Here is fine but you may go to another room." Oja looked at the dress pondering more  
"Let's get you changed I have work to do" 

I haven't seen Kylo in a couple of days probably busy with the generals however his TIE wasn't on port. Nova is still busy dealing with training flights and hanging around Nicolas; it's been very lonesome in the last few days. Needing to fill my canteen I went to the break room and it wasn't busy as there were two male mechanics speaking loudly standing by a counter. They didn't see me as I quickly walked through going over to the water tank to fill my metal canteen. I was overhearing their conversation.  
"I heard there this big party a-uh celebration going on a couple of nights from now, being hosted by the elite workers" one male worker said I recognized the voice but not the name  
"Man fuck them why are they having a Celebration when we are working triple the amount of work with no breaks or vacations" the other voice was higher   
"Who knows, all I know Commander Ren is apart of it, that asshole you saw what he did to that kid last week"  
"I know poor guy is traumatized now" the second male's voice's tone sounded angry "you know what, fuck the elites let's have a gathering of our own right here just the bottom workers"  
"Man that sounds like a good idea"  
They continued discussing about a party,I was so into it I didn't realize my canteen was filled with water spilling into the sink making noise. Stopping the water taking sips I stood back hearing more  
"Listen man off topic but" the second male spoke softly almost a whisper but audible  
"there's this rumor going around that Commander Ren has been sleeping with a worker here"  
"No way" the first male gasped "must be a complete dumb bitch sleeping with that guy"  
"Maybe she needs extra money you know we hardly get paid"  
"Fucking scamp" he coughed "why would someone have sex with someone if you can't see their face"  
"A bitch wanting money" they both started laughing loudly as I felt queasy leaving out the back door  
My heart racing, okay calm down no names were mentioned but the description was narrow. Did someone tell, was someone snooping around or are they making up guesses.  
Work was strenuous, heavy lifting and imbing, so many requests to turn in going back and forth. My body was sore crashing on my bed immediately falling asleep, my dreams vivid and odd.  
....

Breakfast came as Nova and I were in the cafeteria. She talked about her training and mentioned how a gathering is official on the same night of the Elite celebration.   
"So are you going to come?" Nova asked "I know there isn't much time but I was thinking about my dress and oh we can match or coordinate in some way"   
"Sorry I'm not going to be available that night" I mumbled looking down at the tray  
Nova looked at me tucking her hair behind her ear   
"You're going to be with Kylo aren't you" she became stern  
"No, I'm not invited I'm a bottom worker I just don't like big parties Nov" I poked around my food my leg bouncing  
"Is something wrong?" Nova asked with concernment   
I took a deep breath thinking about the rumor  
"It's nothing, listen if I do change my mind I will go" maybe I can wiggle away from Kylo.

....

Sitting in the makeup chair, too firm and boxy I was uncomfortable fidgeting around,the black robe that covered me making me hot and annoyed. Pel the hairstylist, a man in his late thirties eccentric Oja mentioned he would be my hairstylist. Combing my hair, separating sections twisting and turning my neck to see what he needed to do.   
"I love your curls we should keep them but enhance them" he advised   
I didn't understand what he was saying so I just sat there quiet wondering when this would be over.  
Pel spritz some product onto my hair taking out conditioner massaging through my strands. At least today wasn't as bad as yesterday. I was exfoliated, plucked, rubbed down with oils, more plucking, shaved and rubbed down again. I take showers, brush my teeth and comb my hair but I guess it wasn't enough for these upperclassmen. Sure it was relaxing but jeez. I felt Pels comb section off some hair as he began braiding close to my scalp my roots were becoming sore. Beauty is pain I told myself. Pel finished braiding my butt getting numb, I saw him pick up a can of spray as he sprayed it all over. It wasn't normal hairspray, there was glitter in the formula. Pel turned the chair around continuing by now I would be highly flammable.   
"Perfect" he exclaimed "Jen will be arriving shortly"  
I sat there annoyed knowing Kylo is up to this probably laughing at me being miserable. "I want you to join me" I mocked him in my head  
The door opened and a lady walked in her shoes clicking against the tiles Jen I presumed.  
There was a case in her hand as she placed on the vanity opening it pulling out compartments and drawers.  
Jen came around looking at me studying my face her blank canvas. She stepped back to the vanity, coming back around with a pad and bottle of liquid pouring onto the pad. She placed on my face it was cold the scent not pleasant I want this torture over. She finished wiping my face down going back to her case.  
"Eyes closed" she said, closing my eyes and feeling brushes on my kids tickling me. Another cold liquid was placed on my eyes. I can tell she was drawing something.   
"Do not open" there were brushes and liquids with odd scents, I didn't like but it felt soothing.   
"Open" opening my eyes as they adjusted, Jen had a tube in her hands lifting my chin up applying what was in the tube on my lips. She looked at me and smiled.  
"Perfect" I wanted to see what i looked like but she didn't turn me around  
"Oja would like to see you now"   
Getting up from the chair my legs stiff as I walked barefoot on the cool grounds. Into another room the studio where Oja was. The dress was hanging on a hanger on the racks. I stepped on the hexagonal pedestal in the middle of the room. Oja came over with the dress in hand as I untied the robe she helped me step into the dress, zipping it up a perfect fit. She looked at me her eyes beaming   
"A work of art" she smiled "I know your going to hate this but heels"  
Right those I spent the last few days breaking them in. I stepped into them wearing black sparkly strappy heels, the heel chrome with red underneath a side project of Oja's. I was now complete turning around facing the three panel mirrors seeing myself for the first time. My face was done up with a red double winged liner and black lips. My hair down with braids on the side, the dress black silver sequins sewn into the fabric with a plunge v neckline and the slit showing my right leg and heel.   
"You look stunning" Oja gasped her face glowing with a large smile  
"Oja thank you" i was speechless it took me a while to be around her thinking she was stern but not really  
"You are welcome dear" she smiled Commander is waiting for you. The heels clacked against the tiles stepping out the door I saw Kylo standing his hands grasped together in front of him. He wearing a black uniform that was different from usual, his lighgsaber sitting on beside his waist, no mask, his hair wavy full of volume. 

[Kylo's POV]

I stood patiently, nervously, hearing Xen's thoughts.  
The door slid open hearing Oja's voice. Xena stepped in to the vacant room, she was gorgeous, almost making me fall to my knees. Her walk was a bit awkward given the the heels . Taking her face into my hands I looked into her eyes.  
"You're beautiful" I whispered kissing her lightly hearing her thoughts knowing she is upset with me about this so called torture. Letting out a laugh.  
"I dont feel this is right, I feel like a traitor" she explained   
"I know" I told her  
"What if someone sees me and rumors spread I would be hated on, I don't belong here" she was worried   
"You belong to me" I mentioned I placed my finger on her chin as her thoughts swirl.   
I heard her thoughts rumor spreading about her sleeping with me. Feeling upset. No not the time for that  
"There are other people at this party that aren't a part of the Star Destroyer you're going to be fine." I said calmly  
I took Xena's hand walking outward to the passageway heading to the hall.

[Xena's POV]  
Letting go of my hand as I walked close by Kylo getting closer, outside the doors guarded by stormtroopers.  
"When we step inside, you only address me by Commander and don't get to close to me." He said knowing he wants to keep us secret   
"Yes sir"   
"Good Girl"  
"Evening Commander and guest" one of the stormtroopers welcomed us  
Kylo nodded at them to open the door. As the pushed a button on the panel the door opening, moving into a grand hall, dark walls and flooring with red and white decor the ceiling high multiple chandeliers made of crystal glass and a full quartet playing music on the stage. Taking in the lavish space.   
So many people, generals, elites, I was out of place their eyes on me. I felt over the top as others were only wearing black and greys, some even wore their day to day uniforms  
Women had little to no makeup, not even a bit of sparkle. Dammit Kylo making me look like a disco ball. A waiter came by with a tray of champagne taking a glass sipping on it, not really enjoying it as it wasn't sweet.   
"S'cuse me for a second" Kylo moved away from me going over to a group of people. Feeling awkward standing alone two women were eyeing me speaking to themselves.   
Kylo came back with another gentleman  
"General Hux this is Xena" Commander introduced me, General Hux a man a bit shorter than Kylo red hair cut short he looked like Flick but more attractive. Hux lent out his hand as I shooked it  
"It's a pleasure to meet you" Hux gave me a look and turned to Kylo  
"Pardon Commander isn't she a mechanic or..."   
"She is. I invited her to show how amazing these crew members are" Kylo stared at me, his eyes hungry we haven't touched in over a week and this was the first time he actually saw me. "How such hard workers and most importantly the structure of our army crew.  
"Well then" Hux said "why don't we take our seats"

Finding our dinner table it was round small centerpieces with glowing gems ages with folded napkins on top as there were many forks and knives feeling confused. Kylo sat across from me beside him was Hux as I sat next to another gentleman and a lady. Again Kylo was staring I ordered him to stop as people would know via mind. Before Dinner a speeches were presented, Kylo gave a speech so did General Hux and the Captain, after what felt like forever diner was served. Many courses were placed down starting with a salad from a certain plant that was foreign,hor d'oeuvres artistically placed, meat from an unknown animal, the flavor of the entrees was amaculate very well plated normally dinner was a slop of something this is so posh. A few more speeches were given, another year of success being the rebels afterward dessert was served. Tables conservstions during dessert were political, war talk, work talk, boring looking up seeing Kylo staring at me again as he took a sip of wine. Then a sensation emerged from my sweet slot. Kylo was using his force to inappropriately toy with me. Stop I commanded through my head Kylo mouthed No.  
"So miss Xena" the lady next to me spoke her skin dark with curly dark brown hair   
"You work with the pilots and crew members correct?" She asked  
"Yes ma'am" the force became stronger trying to get a grip  
"Well it is such a pleasure you seem, be such a hard worker glad Commander invited you" she smiled  
"Yes I am very privileged by the invited" the force was unbearable clenching my thighs as the force became stronger  
"I can't cum here" sharply saying it my mind Kylo stopped.

Dance music started to play as guest exited the tables to the opening of the room.   
"Dance with me" Kylo's gloved hand was out waiting for me to take it. Rolling my eyes sighing I as I took it getting up heading over the dance floor  
"I dont know how to-" I tried to explain  
"Just follow my lead" he placed my right hand on his waist with my left on his shoulder Kylo started the steps as I matched his. I can feel people eyes on us again feeling hot, looking into his eyes seeing light calmness not knowing he was good at this. The music stopped as people applauded. Heading back to our seats Kylo pulled me into the opposite direction.  
"I think you've had enough" Kylo smiled but there was something behind it  
"Please this was torture" I said in a sarcastic tone   
Ky's lips were against my ear warm his voice husky "besides I would love a second serving of dessert"  
Feeling flutters in my lower abdomen as I was arousing again  
"Would they notice you left?" I questioned  
"Yes, but I will explain to them that I escorted you back to your quarters." He told me  
We left the hall entering the passageway   
"Wait" I bent down taking off the heels my feet were killing me  
"Proceed Commander Ren" I giggled as we proceeded to his quarters....


	8. Tear You Apart

Without hesitation Kylo pushed me against a wall the moment we stepped foot in quarters. his hand on my throat his lips next to my ear  
"Finally I can be alone without" he growled "you look so fucking divine"  
"What do You do have in mind Commander?" I giggled  
"I want to fucking tear you apart"   
Kylo's lips against me neck his teeth grazing I missed this side of him feeling my self getting wet  
"Rip me" I begged  
"My pleasure" Kylo moaned   
His hands were on the neckline of the dress hearing the material rip. No stop fuck it my breasts became exposed Kylo taking in a nipple with his mouth biting it hard   
"Ah" I cried out   
The dress fell off leaving a dark pool of destroyed fabric. My legs wrapped around his waist carrying me to his bed throwing me down.   
"You're enjoying this aren't you slut" he laughed put  
"Yes Commander" I sighed  
Kylo unbuckled his trouser freeing himself   
"Get to work I want that pretty face sloppy"  
"Yes sir" getting on my knees on the floor my lips on his cock taking it in slowly, looking at him pushing through until his length was hitting the back of my throat   
"Fuck" Kylo hissed his hands on the back of my head. Pulling away going lower, taking in one of his balls in his mouth slobbering all over, my makeup being destroyed eyeliner streaming  
"That's a good girl" he spit out going back to his cock sucking him

Kylo picked me up putting me on the bed his lips trailing downward sucking biting until his mouth stopped near my pussy his eyes dark eyes full of hunger   
"Beg for me whore" he commanded   
"Please?" I whimpered   
"Please, what?" He asked again  
"Please Commander" I answered I watched as his mouth began devouring me tasting me it's been so fucking long  
"Ky" I moaned his tongue flickering entering me rimming the edge   
I wanted him inside of me, my pussy throbbing   
Just like that Kylo began undressing I watched as he took off layers of the uniform traveling his pale pink skin.  
Coming back to me he went to his side table pulling out the drawer seeing he had rope in hand and gag ball. Toys this time.  
"Wrists" giving him my wrists as he bound them behind my back placing me on my knees. Pulling my hair back   
"Open" I opened my mouth the gag ball inserted in my mouth buckling the straps. A hard slap on my ass burning as I moaned and shivered. His cock grazing the opening of my pussy   
Put it in damn it  
"Patience" he hissed  
Slowly pushing in,breathing in deeply his size feeling me up. Pushing in slow but hard against my walls hitting my cervix.   
Whimpering   
"So responsive" Kylo thrusted harder  
picking my head up grasping my neck as he whispered in my ear harshly.   
"You're fucking mine, you don't belong to anyone else"   
His free hand on my clit circulating driving me crazy. His speed picked up going faster the thrusts softening my cries echoing.  
I was ready to cum but he wasn't   
"Not yet, you cum when I say so" Kylo bit out  
Taking the ball out my mouth unbinding my hands placing me on my back. His cock in between his legs large the tip red eager for more. My legs wrapped around his waist as he continued my body building up again. His force toying with my clit   
"Fuck" whimpering the bed shifting my body ready to explode  
"Cum for me" he roared my body continued building in my core tightening   
"Cum inside of me Commander, I want you to cum inside of me"  
Kylo moaned loudly, his lips fell on mine as we kissed, my body climaxed eyes shut seeing a flash of white my back arching up against him as he pinned me down by his weight the kiss softening my scream as I felt Kylo jerked a broken moan breaking from his lips.  
Falling over catching our breaths, minutes passed rolling over to my side brushing away his hair seeing his face red and damp. My head on my his chest  
"How was your dessert?" I asked him  
"Fucking Delicious" he huffed


	9. Wildfire

Arriving on base during morning shift a few workers gave me looks and whispered to themselves, the rumor spreading rapidly like wildfire.   
Ignore them, I told myself. It was the start of the week although time is uncertain here. Loud drilling and clanks echoed throughout the port, an incoming battle scheduled in approximately two days as all crew members were on deck.   
Busy tightening up the bolts and re-wiring a piece of a fighter engine, sitting on the concrete ground as I worked on my patch work. Nova plopped herself down next to me pulling out a wrench from her tool belt and started to work on her section of the engine.  
“You didn’t come” there was some bitterness in her voice as she was busing replacing the belts  
“Nov, I’m sorry” trying to apologize not looking at her continuing my work “Kylo invited me to the stupid Celebration and I had no choice but to go” I continued, my voice was flat  
“I just” I sighed thinking about the men “ I felt uncomfortable that’s all” I told her hoping she will understand.

Tightening the final bolt and tucking away a web of green wires, Nova looked at me as if she didn’t believe me I know I have been a untrustworthy friend in the last couple weeks but I am being honest.  
Stopping work for a short break, sitting up with my knees to my chest  
“What did you mean, uncomfortable?” Nova asked continuing her section of the engine   
I sat quiet looking up at the ceiling lights then looking back down at my feet taking a deep breath  
“There is this rumor floating around that I am sleeping with Kylo” I explained “of course it is true but, I don’t want our relationship to be open” I said Nova nodded her head as she was listening.  
“There were a few guys talking about you” she told me “no names were said, but it sounded just like you” Nova became a bit angry “I didn't intervene with them”  
I could tell this conversation was getting serious, I decided to change the subject   
“Besides, did you have fun at the gathering?” I asked rocking on my heels  
“Not really” Nova shooked her head “I felt over the top, and it was really mediocre. People just wanted to get wasted” she giggled, Nova became quiet her leg bouncing as her facial expression changed  
“Nicolas and I broke up” she said shakily her eyes were glazed over  
My head turned not a time to be a jerk  
“What?” I gasped she bobbed her head  
“The past few weeks we began distancing” she mumbled her cheeks turning red “but I try to keep the fire kindled, we thought this party would help but nope” she cried a bit sniffling “We both came in and tried to make peace with ourselves but we left in two separate directions”  
“Nov, I’m sorry” I apologized  
“Don’t be” she sniffed wiping away her tears “besides I am now a certified pilot” her reddened face turned into a smile with a small laugh  
“Oh my god!" I exclaimed “Nov Congrats” I crawled over to her hugging her  
“Thanks” she replied

Our objection for the day was completed, leaving work early during lunch hour heading back to our bunkers for lunch and to talk more about the weekend.

[Kylo’s POV]

MY anger built up inside of me,, being on the hunt for the man that spread the nasty rumor about Xena. Sick bastard. Ordering three stormtroopers to search for him as I waited for my victim. I wanted to have a little talk with him. A while later one of them came back with the man in cuffs, he looked rough as if he was trying to fight away.   
Observing his badge Richard was his name, he fell to his knees as the stormtrooper pushed him in the room. I could feel his anger feeding in his energy.  
“Why did you bring me here” he spat out still wrestling at the restraints   
“Why?” I questioned “Creating false allegations” I stepped forward to the man as he looked up his dark hair covering his he look up his forehead wrinkled  
“What the fuck are you talking about, man?” Richard asked, getting frustrated reaching out my arm. Richard flew back to the wall, suffocating , bringing him close to me holding him above me. The fear in his eyes as his face became red as he gasped, choking for air  
“About me sleeping with a worker” I tilted my head crushing him more “How you called her a scamp” I told him tightening my grip knowing he had enough  
Dropping him he looked at me his face turning purple as he coughed   
“Commander you have the wrong person” focusing on his thoughts pulling away his memories liked pages in a book I found it   
“Ah, I don’t believe I do” I crouched down staring at my prey “And yes I am sleeping with a worker” his eyes shot up as my hands fell onto his head and neck twisting it hearing a snap as Richard laid lifeless.  
I stepped out of the room the troopers standing guard  
“Discard the body” I ordered. I made my way to the other man Nial knowing exactly where he is located.

[Xena’s POV]

Nova and I continued our chat about the Celebration, how I told her it was boring, political, and stern. I mentioned what I was wearing and the torture I had to go through Nova listened with interess and bits of jealousy knowing she would love to be primmed and proppered like I was .   
“Do you still have the dress” she asked sketching in her journal  
“I left it at Kylo’s” I didn’t want to mention he tore it off of me and now it is destroyed  
“Darn” she replied the room fell silent hearing the scratch of her pen as the over head light buzzed  
“What did you wear to the gathering?” I asked a smile formed on Nova’s face as she lit up. Going on to the metal floors pulling out a cardboard box from underneath her bed. Pulling off the top she lifted up a bundle of fabric of sage green, and creme.  
“Where did you get this dress?” I gasped, that it isn't common to be a scavenger and to steal.  
“I made it” Nova beamed taking the dress out completely the fabric  
“You’re lying.” I told her  
“Nope” she shook her head “the moment I heard of a gathering I knew I wanted to make a dress given the short time” she explained  
“I found some fabric and tools and bonus a working sew machine floating around, odd to find green and beige here” holding up the dress high over her head “Working on it was the hard part given my odd, chaotic schedule, so I worked early in the morning, breaks, and late nights” she told me   
“Is that why you were gone most of last week?” I frowned   
“Yeah” Nova looked pleased about the dress she looked up excitedly “would you like to see it on me, I can recreate the look it won’t take long”  
“Yes i would love to see it”   
Nova left the room with the box and other items as she was going to get ready in the crew washroom, I sat on the bed patiently.  
The door popped open, Nova came back as I saw the entire dress. It was off the shoulder flowy, the sage green blending with the mix of creme in the loose fabric. Her wavy blonde hair is down with two small braids tied in the back, her eyes painted with a slight shimmer not knowing where she found the makeup. The color brought out her tiny light freckles and her light brown eyes almost making them appear hazel. Even though there wasn't a direct sun her skin seemed to be sunkissed.   
“You mean to tell me no one gave you a compliment?”   
“ A few did, but mostly everyone was wearing their uniforms or basic clothes”  
“Well you look stunning” I complemented   
“Thank you” she did a curtsy 

….

Nova and I ditched work the following day, staying in our bunkers for breakfast and running around in the corridors trying to not get caught by the head General or whoever is in control of us.   
Nova found a place a secret hideout she went to for studying while on breaks or once she was done with her shift. Odd it wasn't heavily guarded, we had to go through a narrow passage, up a steel ladder opening a hatched door. Climbing into a large empty storage space, it was dark but the ceiling was domed angular windows.   
“How did you find this place?” I questioned feeling adventurous   
“I found some blue prints of this section of the ship” she told me "it was supposed to be some form of secret office area but then that plan was shut down”  
Turning on some led lanterns, setting down a blanket and lying on our backs, looking outward? the stars twinkling in the distance, seeing some TIEs floating around. We were quiet, as it felt soothing the room perfectly temperatured, lost in a trance of my thoughts.

“Xena, have you ever had thoughts of wanting to run away?” I asked quietly   
“At times” she replied  
“I kinda want to steal a fighter and just fly off to a habitable planet, hoping life will get better”  
“Why haven't you?” I questioned  
“I don't want to leave you behind” she replied   
“I'm willing to runaway with you” I told her   
“No, you have Kylo” Nova Turner over on her side I let out a huff  
“It would hurt like a bitch to leave him but we can’t be on this ship for the rest of our lives”   
“I always have dreams of running from this place" Nova continued " dreams of going to a planet that is woodsy, that we will grow old together with our children by the side”  
“Is that why you wanted to be a pilot to get the skills to fly”   
“Mostly, but I do want to be a fighter, and stealing a TIE means dealing with an ambush” Nova smiled   
“Is it terrifying to fly those things?” looking out seeing more of them  
“Yeah at first but after training you get used to it you just have to believe in yourself”  
"Hm"   
We became silent, staring back out at the stars  
“Nov, are you scared going to battle”  
"Fuck, yes"

  
Later that evening we looked over books on planets for human life, a place that felt right but there were so many it became overwhelming. While sleeping that night I can hear Nova sniffling turning on the overhead lamp going over to her bed. She sat up crying, wrapping my arms around her comforting her she turned to me her eyes puffy and nose red. 

“I don’t want to die” was all she whispered burying her head in my neck.

Don't let her die  



	10. Nova

Incoming battle alarms buzzed throughout Star Destroyer, ringing loud in my ears, pilots rushed to base getting into position. Nova jumped up from her seat "fuck I need to go" she shouted putting her hair up in a messy bun. It was her first official day in battle. Stumbling around the breakroom zipping up her dark grey jumpsuit and stepping into her boots. When finished she looked at me there was sorrow in her eyes. She hugged me her arms wrapping me tightly.  
"You're going to come back" I whispered, tears started forming no time for crying.  
"I am" she said as she let go running out the door, I followed behind slowly entering the main corridor chaotic with pilots and crewmembers. Making my way through to the ports the alarms were still buzzing as red and white lights flashed. Making my way to the base gates peering through the window seeing the fighter leaving base. I moved into to the break room next door sitting down my head in my hands trying to hold back tears.  
"Please come back," I said softly. 

[Kylo's POV]  
Bombs bursted in the distance, green and red lasers were fired all around by passing them controlling the speed of my aircraft keeping focus on my targets. My mind full of the thoughts of pilots screams and shouts during combat shutting them out. Firing at the opponents hitting them successfully. Another voice came in it was Nova's something's wrong she sounded scared. Her fighter was having malfunctions someone didn't fix her gears properly before take off. Her gears were jamming. Fuck. I connected my radio signal to her head set.   
"Nova this is Commander Ren" I could see her aircraft in the distance struggling to budge "you need to head back to base now! Your fighter is incapable of battle" There was static non answer "do you copy?" My heart racing as her voice came through the radio staticy   
"Yes,copy" her shuttle began moving her mind on heading back  
Until BOOM an opponent fighter hit her fighter only damaging a wing. A sudden pain ruptured in my chest. I can hear her crying, scared. Trying reaching back to her   
"Nova?" I called out "You're going to be okay just calm down you still have enough energy to move, continuing heading back" there was another static silence my heart was pounding I was feeling an emotion I haven't felt fear, broken promise, guilt . That is when I saw another opponent fighter I aimed ready to shoot a blaster but too late another green laser fired, blowing the second wing of Nova's fighter completely off. Her craft falling out of control being sucked into the gravitational pull of the planet's atmosphere hearing her screams and cries over the radio the connection breaking up. Cutting of the signal completly  
Anger tore theough me as I blasted away the the opponents  
"Fuckers" I yelled   
I knew I had to go after her, into the planet to see if Nova survived but knowing the speed and impact of the damage she wouldn't have survived. My fists balled up punching the roof indebting the metal. Anger boiled inside of me.  
I'm so sorry Xena

[Xena's POV]  
My leg bounced nervously sitting in the break room on a sofa trying to remember how to breath. Occasionally a battle would take 15 minutes to a few days give or take the travel. Medics were on standby as I sat my thoughts running hearing the clank of the launch gates opening a fighter landing back in port severely damaged as medics on deck pulled out an injured pilot. Another flew right after flames ignited as the emergency crew extinguished the flames finding the pilot dead. Minutes later a few more flew in damaged five other registered spots were still empty. This was a bad fight the pit of my stomach in knots. I kept waiting, nothing, more minutes passed another flown in. Nova's spot was still vacant please I begged holding everything in... then Kylo's fighter flew in. The exit gates closed, finalizing the battle. Jumping up rushing to Kylo, his hatched open stomping on board. He was still sitting in the cockpit as I stood silent raging cursing at him in my mind.   
"Where is she?" I asked my teeth clenched  
No answers  
"Where is Nova?" I asked again tears rolling down my cheeks  
Still no replied  
"Answer me!" I screamed   
Kylo stood up,coming towards me, he wasn't wearing his helmet but holding it in his hand. He looked at me tired, his eyes heavy as if he didn't get much sleep.   
"There was nothing I could do" Kylo spoke softly   
Without a thought my hand striked his face feeling the sting on my palm, angered by my action he hurled his helmet to end of his shuttle hearing it bang on the back window.  
"I said there was nothing I could do" he yelled  
"You made a promise to protect the ones I love" I sobbed "you said you wouldn't allow nothing to happen to her or to me"  
"You don't think I was protecting" he screamed "I'm the first and last to leave this fucking ship because I am making sure no intruders set foot on this ship. I am protecting everybody, if a pilot or trooper gets killed that's on them. It's a part of the protocol."   
There was silence except for my sniffles   
"Well we should at least retrieve her body" my voice was shaky a heavy lump sat in my throat  
"No use her fighter was shot, it was pulled into a planets gravity force"  
I looked at him   
"And" I bit out " we could track down her fighter and get her"   
Kylo breathed in heavily; he was annoyed with me seeing his lightsaber on his belt, the silver shining just a bit. I reached for it since he isn't giving me a valid answer but too late I was punched down by him blood filled my mouth it's been so long since he had a temper it shooked me   
"Don't ever touch my shit" he yelled. I sat there crying blood dripping as he went to the back getting his helmet and walking off the shuttle.   
"Fuck you" I screamed

....

Entering the dark bunk, Nova's bed was neatly made up just how she left it from this morning, always organized and clean. Getting on my knees feeling for the box where she placed her dress in. Finding it and pulling it out taking the top off seeing the pile of sage green and creme holding the material against me remembering how she looked crying my eyes out. Her first and last battle, sadness mixed with anger as I stood up my fist punching into the metal walls knowing they will be bruised. Tearing the room apart screaming hearing things break not caring. I didn't sleep at all that night, waiting for her. My mind racing maybe she got lost coming back, but fighters have autopilot and automatic navigation. What if she did fall into a planet and what if she is alive. Pulling my data tablet out looking for the file where I registered all the fighters in trying to see if her navigation system was still connected. Nothing I turned on the notifications to see if anything showed up but empty, no dot or sound recorded.

Five days had passed being a wreck, I hadn't left the room, only to take a shower and to eat but I just sulked into a ball. Hammering knocks banged on the door reminding me to go into work but I didn't bother not caring about the cut in pay. Kylo hasn't spoken to me since the battle such a dick, the room was silent and still. Missing the sound of the scratch of Nova's pen her giggles our talks. I laid there questioning why. There wasn't even a memorial for her, of course there wasn't no one cares if you died here, just another person gone. Staying up late staring at the pad eyes straining from the screen, waiting for a sound or dot to flash.   
Nothing  
Two more days passed finding the courage to move and go to work my chest heavy as I wasn't focusing. I ended up cutting my arm by accident on an exposed edge of torn metal spending the rest of the day in the medic quarters being stitched up and bandaged. That night while trying to sleep easing my mind to something good, my eyes slowly fluttering to sleep until I heard a faint beep coming from the pad. I jumped up so fast my heart was trembled, turning over to the pad seeing a notification from Nova's fighter navigation system. I let out a sigh of relief, maybe we weren't close to the signal but now we are. Jumping up out of bed throwing on a shirt and pants quickly rushing to the port, I saw two stormtroopers guarding the gates as it was off hours, knowing there is another way through dipping to the right finding the door leading into a montior room that leads into the port. Hurrying my way through, I didn't want to take any other fighter I'm going to take Kylo's sure its complex but I don't fucking care fuck him anyways. 

Finding the button to open the hatch stepping inside going to the cockpit buckling my self in. I need to move fast as I could see the gates opening, looking at the command buttons to remember which ones were which. Putting in the coordinates of where the signal is located. Pushing down on a yellow button, opening up the exit gates finding the switch to turn on the engines hearing the ship hum. I began moving carefully, positioning my way out then I pushed on the launch control shooting out my back against the seat of the fighter switching over to autopilot. The shuttle slowed as the shift gears moved on their own to the direction of the coordinates. Eyes wandering around looking at all the stars hearing the silent hum feeling relaxed. However there was an odd feeling as it felt I was being watchedwatched, as if I wasn't alone on the shuttle. 

Don't look back I told myself looking down at the pad the length was only 100 miles.

Just sit back,rest,grab Nov and head back or just grab Nov and live together in peace. Again fuck Kylo Ren

25 miles in I heard something fall rolling up to the cockpit ignoring it thinking it was just a supply that fell while in movement odd the shuttle was still. Only to look down the object was dark but with silver cross design my brows furrowed, it was a lightsaber picking it up carefully not to blow my arm off. I inspected it realizing it was Kylo's that strange he never leaves his weapon on board he always has it...  
My heart dropped to my stomach and my breathing became low. I turned back around finding him sitting in the passenger seat. 

Keep still you're seeing things

"You're not seeing things" Kylo voice broke the silence standing behind me "get up" Kylo commanded  
"No" I tried to ignore him, pain ripped through me holding me down, choking me. My body crushing against the power, Kylo's hand on the buckle of the seat unbuckling me   
"Get...up...now" he growled his face against my skull  
Letting me go grasping reality I stood up walking to the center of the shuttle Kylo sat down taking the pad off the command board snapping it in half.   
"What the fuck are you doing" I screamed trying to stop him, Kylo switched the shuttle ontp manual without out a warning Kylo swung the shuttle as I slammed into a metal frame. Lifting the craft upward as I slid back skidding along the grates. Hitting the back wall of the shuttle letting out a grunt, can he give me a second. Before I knew it the shuttle began spinning as my body hit the roof fucking psycho then dropping on the floor hard once the shuttle balanced out. My body numb tastes of iron in my mouth and my vision blurred.   
Bastard I yelled in my head, another sharp turn was made throwing me against another wall hitting my head falling unconscious. 

....

Vivid dreams sprung from my head slowly drifting away, head throbbing eyes opening up slowly letting out a small groan lifting myself up only to collapse on the bed my whole body sore. Wait I'm not in my room, or am I dreaming still, Kylo walked in sitting on the edge of his bed. Feeling his weight trying to push him away only to fail  
"Why did you stop me" my voice was hoarse dry my throat felt like sandpaper, his hand on my back rubbing lightly  
"I was trying to protect you" he said calmly   
My vision was blurred having a hard time keeping them open  
"Protect me?" I was confused so much violence for protection "I was so close" I mumbled   
"The signal was false" there was a tone in his voice I couldn't figure out  
"What?" I managed to sit up this time, my head throbbed hard  
"It was a scavenger" Kylo didn't look at me "it hijacked the navigation system to lure in whatever they can" Kylo passed me a glass of water that was in his hand taking it gulping down the cold fluid finishing it coughing my chest hurting.  
"So you think I couldn't defend myself" I said   
"No" Kylo said  
Kylo stood up as I tried getting out of bed, falling on the ground, my legs were weak as he scooped me up in his arms. Carrying me into the bathroom setting me down as he began drawing a warm bath. Looking at my reflection in the mirror wall I was wearing a loose garment, I wasn't wearing this last night.   
"I changed you" Kylo was quiet, standing up regaining strength, I began peeling away the cloth seeing the purplish-blue bruises I had on my shoulders and a big one on my hip close to the rim of my butt. Poking the area feeling the soreness and tenderness. There were small cuts aswell scratches that were scabbing checking my sutures they weren't bothered.  
The bath was ready, stepping into the warm water Kylo's hands on my waist guiding and helping me sit down the aroma of lavender and peppermint filled my nose resting my head against Kylo's chest.   
"I'm so sorry" he apologized calmly kissing my scalp  
"Ky-" my eyes felt heavy   
"I know" Kylo rubbed my thighs "Rest"   
My eyes closed as I fell asleep again.


	11. Journals

didn't want to leave the aromatic warmth, him holding me I wanted to sleep more...

Kylo placed a plate of food in front of me, pulling out a chair sitting down next to me as I stared at the plate of eggs, bread and fruit.  
"I'm not hungry" I was sore still tired not sleepy emotionally tired.  
"You need to eat," he pushed over a fork, as I picked up the fork, jabbing the food in front of me and putting some eggs in my mouth. It felt wrong to eat. Kylo inhaled deeply letting out a loud exhale  
"You are on probation for a month" Kylo said his arms crossed over his body  
I swallowed a bite of food ooking up at him frowning  
"Stealing the commanders ship is against protocol" he continued  
"Wouldn't you want to kill me, that sounds more like death penalty than punishment" I said, my face rested on my fist as I pushed the chunks fruit with the fork.  
"Yes, but I don't want to kill you" he explained  
I let out a sigh "Just take me out of my misery Kylo" envisioning him slicing me in half with his lightsaber the red fiery blade cutting me.  
There was a silence he knew I wasn't joking  
"You are not allowed to go into work for two weeks and after you aren't allowed to work around base for three weeks" he continued   
I took another bite of food feeling the squishy texture of the eggs  
"So what am I going to do?" asking annoyed  
"Stay here, I have read your thoughts about living in the bunks. It didn't do you good however you are only allowed to go into certain rooms. I'll figure out you can do after that" Kylo told me  
Finishing breakfast Kylo left to yell at people, I mean work. I went back into the bedroom sitting on the bed. My fingers tracing the black sheet making drawings as the cloth wrinkled with my movements. I was curious about the panel that stretched across the wall. A remote tucked in a holder beside the screen turning on the panel. There wasn't really anything on but camera footages of the passageways and major rooms of the ship. I guess this is what he gets himself off too.  
My body was hurting again moving towards the bathroom searching for medicine to ease the pain opening a cabinet where there were pills but not exactly knowing what it was for.   
I just went back to bed lying down.  
Kylo must of came back as I heard commotion from the living room not bothering to get up.  
Seeing his figure in the door frame knowing this isn't going to be helpful.   
“Xen” his voice broke the silence I burrowed my head under the sheets and pillow “there is something I want to show you”  
I groaned, rolling out of bed practically waddling over to him.

Kylo walked me to another room down the long narrow hallway the walls bare nothing to observe. He lead me to a small office, inside it was very plain with a black and white scheme. I guess he didn't use it as much. There was a desk, a love seat and sitting chairs, a few books in a glass shelf with trinkets of artifacts neatly placed. On the desk was a beige woven bag there was something familiar about it as if I had seen it before and then it clicked, it belonged to Nova. Kylo moved away from me leaning his back against a wall.  
"She left it in one of the common rooms, I believed it may have been left before battle,a cleaner found it and I retrieved it, besides they were going to toss it." Kylo told his voice monotone.  
I went over to the bag looking inside finding two thick leather bound journals. My chest became heavy, there was a tin box with her writing supplies pens, pencils, and markers. Smaller items and a book were also in there.   
I scanned the journals as they were filled with front to back writing, sketches and cutouts taped in. The paper crinkled as I turned feeling the indentation of the pen.  
"There was a malfunction with her gears" Kylo spoke quietly   
I turned around tears swelling up,  
"She was struggling and I told her she needed to head back to base but she was shot down"  
"Did she scream?" I asked biting my lip feeling my heart beat heavily, my body trembling with anger and sadness  
"She did" his voice broke  
It shattered me. She died in fear, alone wishing I was there to hold her lifeless body pulling her way from the wreck giving her a proper burial. Someplace with trees burying her in her sage dress, I just wanted to hold her one last time. Not realizing it I crumbled to the ground crying as Kylo held me.   
"I'm sorry baby" he comforted "I'm so sorry"  
My mind went blank not knowing what happened next.

I felt numb Kylo thought sex would help but I pushed him away. He understood, as he just held me.   
Early morning came feeling the bed shift, Kylo lips against my ear,   
"I have to go to work I won't be back for another day." He whispered I nodded my head sleepily.

Kylo left for a mission. I never questioned him where we went or did just kept it to myself. A nurse came over dropping off meds and ointments as the refrigerator was stocked with food not going into much mental capacity on how or where they get it from. Stormtroopers guarded the doors since Kylo isn't sure what I will do. Is this protection or am I a prisoner? There was a note on the bathroom counter his handwriting was almost like scribbles  
Reading the note while brushing my teeth

DO NOT GO INTO MY ARTIFACTS ROOM. AND DON'T HURT YOURSELF OR RUNOFF.

I rolled my eyes fine. Wondering how I can spend my time here. I decided to try to read Nova's journals.

Sitting with my legs sideways on the circular couch as I read through the journals. The first one was just a few months after her planet was destroyed. Her father was a mechanic and pilot while her older sister followed the same path taking her skills to even be in the army. Her mother was a seamstress selling clothes at the local market. She even had a younger brother who was 12. He didn't do much but he enjoyed fishing and bothering Nova.

When her planet was attacked her family tried to flee only getting caught, Nova managed to escape taking her father's aircraft. Running low on fuel stopping in another planet only to get stopped by a group of stormtroopers she tried to fight with them but no use. Taking her onto Star Destroyer where she was sent to work in the boiler room working her way up to being a mechanic. Her first couple months here was a nightmare she hated it trying to find ways to escape but failing. The second journal mentioned her life on the Star Destroyer as she became costumed to her new life, meeting me, and her studies. The last thing she wrote was about me, how she admired me and felt I gave her a second home a second family. Sketches of myself filled that part of the journal. Turning more pages there was a chunk left blank. My chest felt empty as if nothing was there as if it was an empty hole. Closing the journal tucking it back in the bag I sat there feeling numb incapable to move. Lying my head down. 

....

Morning came again bored out of my mind as my body was used to being up a certain hour ready for the commands of rebuilding, my ears used to the loudness of the ports. My legs itching to walk the miles back and forth sending off demands. Being only allowed in a few rooms there wasn't much I can do. Having piece of bread and a pear shaped fruit for breakfast, my mind ticked. I want to explore. Leaving the table heading to the small office trying to see if I can find something to read. The books in the cases were just encyclopedias of different planets and regions. Carefully opening the glass shelf picking out one sitting on the leather loveseat flipping the pages. The encyclopedia was well illustrated colorful and descriptive. I found my home planet, it's been so long since I have been home almost a full year. My planet wasn't destroyed, I just felt it was time for me to leave to explore but something happened and I couldn't remember how I got here. I read the chapter of my home,of my people. The book gave me too many memories of when I was young and not feeling right about it. Feeling guilty I left without a trace feeling homesick. I put the book back trying to find something about Kylo but there was no evidence, so I moved out of the office going down the opposite end of the hallway across the living room. 

Finding another room there wasn't a door just open,steps leading down. I figured it must've been Kylo's artifacts room. He told me to avoid this room but why, it's just items right. Going down the stairs automatic light chirped on, the room was white with black increatments and design.   
Knives sat on top a glass case, blasters and weaponry displaced on the front wall. On another wall was maps of the galaxies and maps of planets. A poster of the blueprints of the Star Destroyer and Kylo's Tie aswell another aircraft. There were more books sitting on a shelf by the opposite wall peering at them they were written in codes and languages I didn't know. There were journals bounded in leather as well a material unknown laying down unorganized not standing up. Pulling one out it was written by a man named Ben Solo. The journal had sketches and filled with information I was confused it was from a man named Ben although it described Kylo very similarly.

Wait his name was Ben Solo?

Pulling another one out and the names changed to Kylo I didn’t read much knowing I should leave soon.  
Taking in only glimpses of words of Jedi, Snoke, and dark forces. My brain couldn't take in the information as I closed it putting the journal back turning around ready to leave.

That is when I saw it in the middle of the room on a raised platform resting on a pedestal was something black and crumpled. I stepped up seeing what it was, it was a mask heavily damaged and moltened. I didn't like the feeling it gave off. The mask felt sinister and dark. 

Why did Kylo have this? was it his early design that was brutally destroyed?

Picking the mask up the weight of it was heavy, the mask was ice cold, ash dusted my fingers staring at it. Seeing something evil behind it chaos filled my mind.  
Before I knew it the mask flew out of my hand I stood frozen.   
Kylo walk past me in full uniform putting the helmet back on the pedestal. He was silent   
"I told you not to come in here" his synthetic voice was loud vibrating the room.  
I moved away from him, too late I fell to my knees my head tight from his force pressure my body paralyzed.  
"Bored huh" Kylo crouched in front of me, he laughed darkly   
I couldn't tell if he is teasing me or being serious  
"I can't even leave for a full day before you have to wander around"   
My head tightened more as I grunted  
"Always the explorer" he lifted my head up my eyes with tears  
"P-please" I stammered Kylo stood up pacing around me.  
"Your home was such a delightful visit, didn't get to stay around long"  
Kylo let go of me as I fell gasping   
"You were so young, funny I found you here wondering why did you leave, was it because you got bored and started exploring"  
He crouched down in front of me again lifting my head up   
"You see what happens when you get bored and explore too much" he let out a chuckle.

"I won't do it again" I gasped 

“Sure you won't, that's what I love about you, never listen and then I get to punish you.” I felt a flutter in my stomach. Kylo took off his mask standing up, reaching his hand out to help me up placing his hand on my jaw as I looked away. He looked at me hard waiting for me to say something.

"I want to be punished" I looked up at him pouting  
"Oh you do" a crooked smile formed on his face his eyes narrowed   
"Please Commander" my hand went down to his crotch rubbing him feeling him underneath moving my other hand upward underneath his jacket  
"Hm" Kylo huffed   
"Punish me right here" I went down on my knees ready to unbutton him, his eyes following me only to shift away to the direction of the mask  
"No" he said sharply making me feel I did something wrong "Not here" he said calmly picking me up onto my feet  
"Why not" I whined   
"This isn't my playroom" he told ne  
Kylo picked me up in my arms taking me to his bedroom.  
"Can you wear your mask please" I begged  
He gave me a look rolling his eyes


	12. Punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I wasn't originally planning on writing this chapter but I figured why not since I ended last chapter with an edge so let me, let me add uh, uh a little spice too that . This whole chapter is just sexual content)

Kylo placed me by the frame of the bedroom door, as he walked over to the fire place turning it on as the room went aglow then towards the bed undressing himself. Taking off his thick jacket and undershirt revealing is large bare chest kicking off his boots. I told him what I wanted him to wear as he placed his chrome helmet back on over his head the blue flames reflected off the silver. He sat on the edge of his bed his legs spread open leaning back a bit propping himself up with his hands seeing his pecs and abs flex. My stomach fluttered feeling myself tighten at the sight of him of his large muscular body.   
"Is this what you want" Kylo spoke his synthetic voice making me more hungrier.  
This is what I needed to ease my mind to pass the slow time.  
"Yes Commander" I said my mouth was wet  
"Crawl to me slut" he commanded the way he said it I immediately did what I was told. Getting on all fours feeling the coolness of the tiles beneath my knees crawling to him.   
Looking up at him as he looked down at me the mask making him anonymous, but now wishing I can see his face, to see his eyes but the mask held something different.   
"Beg" he commanded  
"Please Commander?" I begged   
"Please Commander what?" He bit out  
"Please commander can I have your cock" I begged again frustrated   
"You may" he said  
Unbuttoning his trousers pulling him out hearing Kylo curse under his breath, stroking him as he became hard. Wondering when was the last time we touched, it has been merely weeks, my strokes became faster as I placed his tip to my mouth sucking him slow looking up at him.   
"Good slut" he moaned his hand on the back of my head taking in more of his length. Kylo slapped me not hard just small as I looked at him smiling.   
"Of course you would like that" he groaned   
I continued sucking gagging drooling over myself.  
"Enough" he bit out  
Kylo stood up as he went over to his side table pulling out the bundle of rope   
"Take your clothes off" he commanded   
I followed his instructions peeling off the fabric standing before him naked  
My hands behind my back as he tied the rope to my wrists. Standing in front of me, looking down at me.   
"I miss these" his fingers going to my nipples pinching them letting out a whimper   
"Hm, this is your punishment remember"  
He went back to the side table pulling a flogger out. Trailing the leather whips up my back thigh hitting my bottoms a bit hard   
"Ah" I cried out my bottom stung   
"Enjoying this slut?" he asked with a small laugh  
"Yes Commander" he struck again feeling another sting wanting more  
He went to my front the leather brasing my skin as goosebumps erected.  
Hitting my thighs and lower stomach, going up ward softly hitting my breasts.  
"Mmm" you want more don't you  
"Yes"  
Kylo rubbed himself as I looked at him   
"I'm not going to allow you to cum until I say so" his breath ragged  
Letting out a whimper I could feel his force on my clit making my legs weak.  
"Hold yourself together" he told me  
Continuing to watch him   
"How bad do you want me?" He asked feeling annoyed   
"Bad Commander" I begged  
The force became more intense feeling it now in me  
Kylo let out a chuckle   
"Dont fucking cum" he groaned   
Trying not to but I can't hold it in any longer, my breaths became ragged trying to not focus on it, only then to cum spilling my self.  
"Pathetic whore" Kylo spat out coming over to me walking me to the bed pushing me down. Lifting my bottom upwards   
"Now you done it" he said "Why don't we try this again"   
Kylo rubbed him self against me as I moaned, the force coming back this time whole body.   
"Please" I moaned my body was tired building up again. Kylo rubbed slow dipping him self just a bit in my opening  
"How bad do you want me?" He asked again his voice deep   
"So fucking bad" I whined   
"Mmmm" he growled "Are you going to be a good whore for Commander?"  
"Yes just fuck me please!" I cried out   
His hand striked my bottom letting out a cry. He still continued to rub himself the force intensified.  
"Fuck me Kylo Ren" I begged  
"That's what I wanted to hear" I can feel the rope being loosened flipping me on my back as I faced him mask staring at me cold. He hit my swollen clit as I let out a yelp wanting him to just fuck me already.  
Pulling me to the edge of the bed placing my legs on his waist as he slowly pushed feeling his size and warmth feeling me up.  
"Fuck" I sighed   
Kylo's strokes were slow but hard hearing him grunt with each push. Then becoming faster the force stopping as Kylo's fingers worked on my clit. My hands going to my breasts toying with them. The room filled with my cries and his growls. I was ready to come again his hand going to my throat gentling squeezing staring up at him his mask dark with the blue flame. My vision having a glaze  
"Cum for me slut" he groaned "you've been good cum"  
My body shattered eyes clenching tight a flash of white, feeling him still pumping, stretching the orgasm out more. He pulled out stroking himself as he came on my belly feeling the warm droplets of his seed on my skin. He took off the helmet throwing it down on the ground making a loud thud his face red and sweaty as his lips fell onto mine kissing me hard. His body ontop of me as I hugged him.  
"I love you" he breathed out,brushing away some of my hair. It was the first time he said he loved me, I looked into his eyes seeing a lightness as he smiled.  
"I love you too"


	13. Electric Love

Practice makes perfection, but this was insane

Probation was over, well only the first two weeks, Kylo had thoughts I should become his secretary. I looked at him as if he was a mad man, which of course he is. Sitting across from him on the black rounded couch the firepit glowing blue the lights were dimmed. 

Kylo took in a deep breath, his face hard in thought "I've made the decision to officially make you my secretary" his eyes staring into me  
"Why" I whined " I like working on base with pilots and the TIES"  
"Well you still aren't allowed on base and besides you were harassed" he told me  
"Ky it was only a rumor" I mummbled chewing on my lip  
"Sure it was" there was a look on his face that seemed concerning   
"As secretary" he cleared his throat and continued as his demeanor changed "You will be my shadow, you will stand by me, come with me on missions unless I say otherwise and to make it more exciting I will give you a lightsaber" he grinned  
I squinted at Kylo "does this mean I am an elite worker now?" I asked shifting my sitting position   
Kylo nodded his head side to side "Yes, until I change my mind"  
"Fine" I told him  
"Good Girl" his face beamed "I will have Oja design a few uniforms for you"

I felt like a traitor, sure Nova was the only one I was close to on base but there were so many people I met that I related to, now I am one of elites. They seemed sterned while I am more laid back. They are posh, born in higher power while I am a low class citizen my people never had difference with classes we all were equal.

Kylo insisted I needed training, never owning a weapon and not once had I gotten in a physical fight. Leading me into an unknown room in his quarters it was large empty, the walls made of mirror material reflecting us eternity, high ceilings with the same mirror like wall the floor was black tile. Kylo went over to a pad. Lights turning on the mirrors shifting in into plain walls just like the ones in the living room they were some form of panels.   
"Is this your dance studio" I joked but Kylo didn't think it was funny going over to the back, opening a mirror panel he pulled out two poles designed like lightsabers tossing me one as I missed hearing it clank to the ground  
"Exactly" Kylo said sarcastically "These are for practice" he pushed a button as it glowed red "they are replicated like lightsabers but aren't equipped to kill so they wont hurt you if they come across your skin" Kylo took off his shirt I rolled my eyes knowing he is trying to distract me "When in combat there are times you aren't going to be in moveable clothing which will make it harder for movements and strikes"  
He paused swinging the pole playfully "If you do get hit with a lightsaber there isn't much time to worry about wounds you can't be a cry baby. Understand"  
"Yes" I replied  
"Yes what" Kylo looked at me hard  
"Ky-" I guessed but Kylo shook his head no "Commander" I corrected   
"Yes Commander"

Kylo positioned himself into a stance holding the mock saber in both of his hands as I turned mine on seeing it was an icy blue wait. Why is his red not...  
Thwack   
Kylo struck my back "Don't get distracted about the colors" he told me  
"Try again"  
Repositioning this time not distracted as Kylo swung again my reflexes quicker as my mock saber hit his colliding feeling good only for him to push mine away hitting my wrist hard, becoming annoyed I swung hitting his side he quickly turned hitting me again.  
Letting out a groan Kylo laughed he was enjoying this. My footwork was off tripping over myself and my reflexes were slow. Falling over getting hit, and Kylo stepping on my feet  
"I don't want to do this anymore" I whined after falling again I sounded like a child but Kylo wasn't playing fairly he had years of skill.

He mocked me rolling his eyes

"Practice again tomorrow" he helped me up knodded my head.

Water poured over my body in the shower as the steamed fogged the entire bathroom. By now I didn't miss the jacked up showers in the bunks. Kylo stepped in front of me his naked body arousing me as I controlled my thoughts. Lathering myself in soap and rinsing my self. I looked at Kylo again not his face, but his cock it was arousing I stepped over to him taking it in my hands caressing it. Kylo moaned loudly, getting on my knees taking him in my mouth as the water poured over my head Kylo purred in pleasure. His hands on the back of my head   
"Dont stop" he whimpered keeping my pace slow my hand cupping his balls.  
"F-Fuck" he moaned his pitch getting higher,I stopped, looking up at him as I stood up his hands on my face, his body pushing me against the wall. Hearing a beep the the ceiling shower head turned on as Kylo turned me around my hand against my back legs widened just a bit. The water drenching our bodies as Kylos cock pushed through me, letting out a cry.  
He pounded himself in me his body hitting my ass, my chest against the cool tiles.   
"You're loving this aren't you whore" Kylo groaned in my ear  
"Yes commander" I moaned lut  
"Mmm I love when you call me that" his thrusts became harder his force on my clit and nipples fuck  
I was ready to cum my knees weakening as Kylo held me together   
"Cum you little slut" he commanded  
My head jolted back hitting Kylo's hard chest as I screamed his name in pleasure.  
Kylo kept going as I heard a broken cry knowing he came in me. It felt so dirty even though we were both in a place for cleansing.   
....

Days had passed and I was getting better with foot work and strikes, blocks and speed. For a man that doesn't seem to have a lot of patience has patience, a teacher that sees your flaws and will help you work through them. Would've been nice if he helped me when he busted his TIE but that was months ago. After every trial Kylo looked pleased.

There was a white box on the dining table tied with a black bow. Kylo stood behind me his arms wrapped around my waist  
"Open it" he spoke softly   
Untying the bow lifting the box up seeing a black handle a lightsaber tucked in black paper. I picked it up gently with two hands holding it, finding the button to turn it on as it buzzed the flame a icy blue.  
A large smile grew on my face feeling the vibration and power of the sword. Kylo looked concerned, probably thinking this was a mistake but knowing this is the happiest I've been in weeks.   
"Shall we practice" a crooked smiled formed on his face.

Entering the mirror studio Kylo turned the lights off, the mirrored panels turned into space the stars twinkling. It was breathtaking to say the least but why in the dark  
"I want to see how well you can do this without light, given fights can happen in darkness" Kylo pulled out his lightsaber drom the handle in his waist belt, turning it on it flamed bright red his face glowing being lost. His light saber was more power the buzz louder, brightern much more lethal.  
"Focus Xena" he said  
Clicking the button the blue color of my saber glowed, buzzing I felt nervous afraid I would get hurt. Kylo positioned himself as I prepared myself taking deep breaths. I nodded to him I'm ready as he cocked his body, heading towards to me, I swung, hitting his saber, hearing the electric clash, feeling the electricity and heat given off of both of them. Moving away,we moved in a rhythmic way as if we were dancing the red and blue glowing against our skin and the black tiles. The star scattered mirrors as our back drop, the sound of the buzz and whirs mixed together creating a voltic song. Lost in the thought of practice being a bit too concentrated, I pushed Kylo down forcefully, his saber dropping still buzzing pointing my saber at him. The blue flame glowing on his face glistening, forgetting it was just a play fight. Kylo looked at me with fear, his eyes looking up at me like a sad puppy, his face sweaty, his dark hair sticking to his skin breathing heavily his eyes shifted from fear to light he smiled at me.  
"There's that little fighter in you" he laughed  
I turned my saber off as Kylo reached for his turning it off. Getting on the floor crawling to Kylo my lips on his as I kissed him softly. Taking his shirt off as my fingers trailed his hard chest. My lips on his neck

"Not here"

....

Laying in bed resting my head on Kylo's chest   
"Whose Ben Solo" I asked thinking of nothing, Kylo shifted moving away from me propping himself up  
"Nobody" he replied  
"Is he a brother of yours" I continued   
"Don't worry about it Xena"   
"Is Kylo Ren not your real name?"  
"Dammit Xena drop it" Kylo grumbled rolling over on his side his back facing me   
Great I made him mad   
Steam arose from the mug of coffee, Kylo must have left for work as the bed was empty, there were journals on the dining table as I observed them. They were the ones from Kylo's storage room, being tempted to pick them up I knew I shouldn't. He placed them there as a ploy for me to touch them and have him yell at me. 

"My parents are Han solo and Princess Leia" Kylo came around the corner scaring the mess out of me "I am there only child Ben Solo"  
Gathering myself resting my back on the counter  
"My mothers side has this power running from my grandfather, the force, and my uncle was training me but he saw something in me and he wanted to kill me" he continued, I took a sip of coffee taking the information   
"Wait, your mother is a princess?" I was being side tracked  
"Yes, well she was" he paused pressing his lips"My uncle's teachings didn't fit me, my power is lethal and there are sides too it-"  
"If your mother was a princess, wouldn't that make you a prince" cutting him off again sidetracked  
"Sort of" Kylo looked at me annoyed "Can you just listen, please"  
"There are sides too it and I have chosen the "bad" side, my grandfather was Darth Vader"  
I've heard of Darth Vader a long running stories from my people but never came across him

"So you mean all this time I am with royalty?" I asked   
"I guess," Kylo shrugged his shoulders "are you paying attention?"   
"Something about bad side, your grandfather Darth Vader"  
"Good" he nodded his head "I chosen the bad side I disguised my name as Kylo Ren because Ben Solo is not apart of me anymore"  
"So, Kylo Ren is an Ego?" I questioned confusedly   
"Yes" he told me "But that doesn't allow you to call me Ben"  
"I have a big plan but I don't think you will understand" he continued   
"That helmet in your room was that your's or..."  
"I don't want to continue the discussion right now"  
Kylo turned away going into another room leaving me with the journals.


	14. Something Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xena's first day as secretary she discovers something eye opening about the Kylo, herself and the rebels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hated writing this chapter nothing bad happened it was just not feeling right. I wrote a bit of it deleted it in my DOCs brought it back out had it sit in my DOCs for like a month untouched. But I was like I need this chapter it has to be in the story so I worked it through.

The final weeks of probation were over, spending the last weeks being trained to be Kylo’s secretary. Examining over files and paperwork, filling me about what I am about to get into. Kylo felt confident that he was ready and knew I would do an excellent job since I had been the only one close to him the past couple of months. 

Oja’s assistant dropped off the new uniforms, Kylo insisted I should wear them during my time as secretary.The uniforms hung up on a clothes rack by a wall in the bathroom, Kylo suggested I should try them on to see how they feel and look on me. Analysing the first outfit, a hooded black coat going down to my knees, high necked made of a soft wool type material, silver buttons on the front creating a diagonal line. A belt with a silver buckle across the waist and Chevron patterned charcoal grey leather on the mid arm on the sleeves and trim of the coat. Underneath was a blackshirt and tights and for my feet there were sturdy and heavy duty black army boots. Guessing this outfit is supposed to have similarities to look like Kylo's uniform, he told me what I would wear on a daily basis. A cloth mask would cover my face to hide my identity as well black gloves. A lightsaber holster would be on my waist to hold my weapon.

The second outfit was just black leggings with black tone mesh in the pattern of the sleeves and thighs. A black long sleeve v neck top with thumb cut outs. Below that were boots that seemed more athletic than the first pair. This was my mission and fighting outfit. I could wear this under the jacket. The material is strong but can still be damaged.

Then there was a final piece. It wasn't hanging, it was in a box on the bottom shelf next to the boots, opening the box seeing there were black and red lace undergarments with see through mesh so the material can look as if it's the only thing covering me. Confused as if this was to be worn underneath my outfits or only for-  
"Kylo" I groaned

…..

The night before Kylo insisted I should do more lightsaber training since, an attack can happen unexpectedly. I was getting better at my stances and my strikes but it's almost as if Kylo doesn’t want to actually hurt me. We ran over what I needed to do and my role as his secretary.  
Morning came too fast or was it because it was an early shift, no alarm went off, just the light from the bedroom as I groaned rolling over. Hearing the shower turn on knowing that I have to get up. I didn't feel ready, scared I wouldn’t fit in, when I was on the ports I was comfortable on my first day, probably because Angie was there. I felt sad that everyone I loved was gone, shaking my head to ignore the thought, getting dressed in the jacket uniform feeling the weight of it. Going out into the kitchen seeing Kylo already to go, he passed me a cup of coffee and some food as I sat and ate quietly.

We were heading to the main section of Star Destroyer, the corridors were oddly bright this morning unless it’s because I haven’t been out of Kylo’s quarters in a month. This morning the passageways were busy with stormtroopers as they marched in groups and elite workers heading to their stations. I followed behind Kylo like his shadow, his steps too quick for me to keep up the way he walked were flawless while my walk was awkward. The heavy coat and hard army boots hitting the ground made it hard for me to walk as I was getting hot and sweaty, the mask covering making it hard to breath a bit, entering the front lead seeing it was the headquarters and control system of the ship. Eyes were on us, not in curiosity but fear, accidentally bumping into Kylo not realizing he stopped, he turned around judging his body language he was annoyed. Some faces of the workers were familiar from the celebration, I spotted General Hux coming over to us.

“Ah Commander” Hux looked at Kylo with a stern face, he turned to me “I see you have your new secretary with you”  
“Yes for now i am giving her a tour” Kylo’s synthetic voice boomed  
“Wasn’t she a mechanic, a bottom worker?” Hux looked at me eyes squinting  
“She was but she works under me now” Kylo told him  
“Well then, why don’t we get started on the agenda today” Hux smiled as we began walking again

General Hux and Kylo walked together as I followed behind them keeping focus to not bump into Kylo again. I didn’t grasp at what they were saying but eventually more generals came around talking to them.. Around 15:00 a meeting was scheduled, entering a small meeting room with machines and controls on the walls I sat in a corner. A data tablet was given to me and my job was to write down valuable information. Kylo sat in the head chair while Hux sat beside hi,, more men entered the room, mostly older men, their eyes on me. The meeting began as I stayed quiet, not jumping into the conversation, typing away as Kylo mostly spoke, hearing about Supreme Leader Snoke, the Resistance and another upcoming battle. Everything sounded foreign to me. Hux mentioned a mission is planned in the near future and how pilots and stormtroopers should be gathered. As I was typing the room fell silent, I looked up seeing why an older gentleman was looking at me with a creepy grin. Kylo noticed, he force choked him lifting him up, his face red, eyes bulging, I have seen graphic material on base but seeing this was disturbing. The man was gasping as Kylo stood up to speak to him  
“I didn't bring her here to look at” Kylo said  
“I-I am s-sorry sir” the man stuttered  
Kylo let go of him as he fell to ground hard gasping for air  
“The meeting is over,” Kylo said. I sat there in shock at what I just witnessed. the members left the room in a group as if they are used to this. Getting up to leave i looked back

Is no one going to assist the man? 

“Are we going back to your quarters?” I asked Kylo, this was the first time we actually spoke in hours  
“No we are going to have dinner with Hux and a few others, pull yourself together please” he told me

Dinner was held in the dining hall, however this dining hall was more extravagant than the mechanics. Food also looked to be more palatable but I wasn’t feeling hungry at the least.  
We sat in a private room as food was on actual plates not trays and it wasn’t slop. General Hux and Kylo still spoke about what was discussed in the meeting feeling alone at the table. I wanted to be put back on probation.

….

Stepping into the foyer of Kylo’s quarters, feeling the cool tiles on my sore feet carrying the boots in my hands. Kylo headed to the living room  
“I don’t want to do this” I mumbled  
Kylo looked at me, his dark hair blocking some of his face  
“Xena it’s only your first day” he assured me “besides you don't get a choice”  
There goes that stupid word again  
“Well I should and I choose not to be your secretary” I argued keeping my voice mild  
“Did you get a choice to be a mechanic?” he questioned me his eyes squinting  
“No” I replied  
“Well, you don’t get a choice to be my secretary, you better be grateful i gave you this job,"  
I rolled my eyes hard feeling them reach the back of my sockets  
"Xena I don't have time for your attitude"  
"Well I don't have time for your violent acts” I said loudly “everything on this ship is violent sitting through that hour long meeting hearing about war, killing people destroying planets all so you can be a ruler of the galaxy like some pathetic child" I stamped my foot he never mentioned it in the meeting, but that is what I read in his journals everything was lining up  
Kylos eyes burned with rage  
Fuck  
“I call quits I don't want to be on this ship anymore” my voice shaking with anger  
“You cannot leave” he shouted his face turning red  
"Why not, why can't I" I yelled back tears forming  
"Because, when you stepped foot on this ship you are here forever" he yelled  
"I don't even know how I got here" I cried  
"I fucking saved you, when I was on your planet because your people were dying off"  
"Then why don't I remember it, why don't I remember the chaos" my brain scrambled to remember memories but nothing, and then it clicked Nova’s planet underwent the same situation.  
"No” shaking my head “No" I sobbed "You had killed my people off, because you are searching for something, you killed my family and Nova's family and probably others and dragged them on this ship so we all can be your slaves" Nova was right he was setting me up for a trap and it’s too late now “And you brainwashed us so we don’t have no clue how we got here or our purpose here.” I could tell Kylo was ready to force choke me to stop but I continued “We are hidden away like rats because if we knew what was behind all of this we would resist and we would overthrow you” I screamed my face hot my body trembling  
Kylo stood there no reaction nothing to say his eyes still dark and furious  
"I'm here trying to survive” i sniffed calming down gritting my teeth “I’m trying to regain my losses while you Ben Solo want to kill for no good reason"  
There was a expression of shock on his face almost close to sadness his eyes looked glassy no I didn’t mean it  
"I'm sorry" I sniffed grasping what I just said  
"I don't want to discuss this anymore" Kylo moved away going into his artifacts room.

….

Sitting on his bed I know arguments happen in relationships but I felt I blew it, I felt like an ass. Maybe work and love should be two separate things, I was ready to apologize heading to the bedroom door seeing Kylo right in front of me almost running into his large body.

“I’m sorry” he said calmly  
“Me too” I said back  
“So you now know what I deal with on a daily basis huh”  
“I guess” I nodded my head shrugging my shoulders  
“You are still mourning maybe it wasn’t good for you yet to work” he hugged me  
“Ky-” I let out a sigh “I went through your personal life and I-” pushing away looking up at him  
“It’s alright you should know about me, and I should tell you about you” he said

I was confused, we headed to the bathroom as he began drawing a bath, the water pooling into the tub, seeing him get undressed as I stood by. Climbing into the tub once filled, facing Kylo as I sat on the opposite end,the soft bubbles and scent of lavender soothing me. Kylo was in a thought.

“You’re planet wasn’t destroyed, but there was a illness” Kylo said looking at me figments of memories came back slowly “you wandered off because you wanted to explore, and you fell into the hands of the stormtroopers they were ordered to bring recruiters for new ship crew” I remembered now but why don’t I “while on the ship you suffered with amnesia and that is why you don’t remember much” Kylo was rubbing my foot, I took in what he said “I was in your town a few years back I saw you but I didn’t kill anyone” he became silent “When I saw you here I was perplexed, but there is something about you, you never seem to give up on me sure you are a handful but you never want to leave me. You see something good in me, you see that I am still Ben” Kylo took in a deep breath his face worried “You can leave if you want, I won’t stop you”

“Kylo I am not going to leave” moving towards him resting my head on his chest “Sure you are an ass but I am not going to leave" he let out a laugh moving my head upwards to his lips kissing him  
"I will try to be nicer at work and around you" he told me  
Kissing my forehead


	15. Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in the middle of a move and chaos so writing will be slow as I still need to finish up 5 more

My feet dangled while sitting on the bench as I looked around the medic room, nervous, thinking I should've thought this through but it should be done. A medic worker stepped in, she had a tag that read RN-0987 no name given so I will name her Rene. She was about my height, curvy her hair in a low bun.  
“Alright Xena, I am going to ask you some questions” my mouth felt dry as I looked at her, she pulled out her data pad tapping quickly on the screen   
“Are you sexually active?” she asked looking down at the pad  
“Yes” I answered her fingers poked at the pad  
“When was your last time you engaged with sexual activity?” continuing the questionnaire   
“Er, two days ago” I said  
“When was your last menstrual cycle?”  
My brain thought back counting  
“Um last week” I told her  
“And how was the flow?" The pad beeped as she inputted the answer  
Taking some time to think   
“Light flow, only lasting a few days." It was a very odd cycle, never was I this light, Maybe my body was under stress from work, it wasn’t my regular flow.  
“Before I can give you the contraceptive I will be needing a sample for a pregnancy test” she passed me a specimen cup to pee in. I went into the small restroom connected to the medic room, concentrating looking up at the ceiling.

Handing back the cup Rene left the room as I sat back on the bench my leg shaking ten minutes passed as she came with a tray in her hand placing it on a table seeing the needle, a swab, and bandage.  
“The test came back negative” she told me as I let out a sigh of relief, "we can go forward with the contraceptive.” Rene continued “There will be a slight burning sensation but nothing major, the contraceptive will be in your arm for approximately three years. You will have light or no periods at all, and there are some side effects for the first few weeks to few months on the contraceptive such as nausea, fatigue, and lightheadedness. There is a chance the contraceptive can fail if your body rejected it.” 

I held out my arm as she opened the alcohol swab smelling it as it burned my nose feeling the coldness on my skin. She picked up the needle taking off the cap, as Rene pinched the area of skin inserting the needle feeling the bite and burn in my arm but it only lasted fifteen seconds. A bandage was placed over once it was done.

“All set, I recommend taking the rest of the day off as you may feel dizzy and unwell” Rene said going back to her tablet putting in more information.

Many women on Star Destroyer would have a contraceptive placed in since this isn't the place for children, hearing stories on how children born here or on the base of the rebels are taken away to be trained up as a stormtrooper, an elite or well advanced pilot. Another time I heard pregnant women would just be killed off, it made me shudder and sad. Others would go beyond and become completely sterile both men and women to keep focus on work and child free but those who want a family would have to risk fully leaving. Beside Kylo and I aren’t ready for children I am still young and he is still mentally unstable. Having a child here would be miserable, dressed in dark uniforms, speaking like an elite leader at a young age being raised around violence. It’s both depressing and downright creepy. Also the fact both Kylo and I are very busy at the moment. Speaking of Kylo he was out on a mission that was scheduled, he didn't want me to follow along since it may go violent so I stayed behind. I didn’t mention to him that I scheduled this appointment. Heading back to his quarters entering the front doors, I began to feel queasy knowing it was from the shot so I laid on the bed closing my eyes. 

Kylo came back in the middle of the night feeling the bed shift his hand around me, in the morning he wasn’t in bed finding him having breakfast. I figured we should have the talk,  
I sat down as he looked at me, shoveling a whole forkful of food, my head wandering knowing he could hear my jumbled head. 

“Is there something you want to say” he asked chewing, my leg shocked looking down at the table hoping I won’t anger him

“Um,What were parents like growing up” I asked looking up at him his fist was balled up oh boy  
“They weren't around most of the time very busy kinda forgot about me” he said flatly 

“What were you like as a child?” I asked again  
“Uh, wild I guess normal boy, I used to shoot at things like cans, ran around got into fights”   
He didn't seem mad at me so I continued as he finished eating

“Kylo what are opinions on children?”  
He gave me a look of shock his eyebrows raised   
“Um- well they are small and fragile, annoying haven’t been around them” he told me  
“I meant like if you want to have children?”   
“Why are you asking me these questions, you’re not pregnant are you?” there was a look on his face that almost made me laugh  
“God no Kylo I just” I took in a deep breath sighing out “I had a contraceptive in placed”   
"Oh, good for you" he said   
"I decided to do it for precaution, so you can no fill me up like your little cum bucket"  
Kylo made a gross expression   
"Please don't say that again, and contraceptives aren't just so I can fill you up"  
"I know I just thought why not since we are so busy and I'm not ready for children. I should've told you beforehand"  
"No" he shook his head "that is your body your decision"

….

Weeks have passed, I was getting better on my role as secretary. Enjoying being Kylo's shadow, he was pleased that my work ethics was improving. A mission was scheduled in the coming weeks, Kylo wanted me to be partnered with him on this one as I was excited and prepared for what is ahead. Kylo didn't give me much information on what he had planned or the reasoning of why we need to go, all was mentioned is the planet is called Noku a small but adaptable planet 200 light years from base. It will only be the two of us unless otherwise he will have stormtroopers and generals recruited. 

My position for the day was to gather supplies and stock them in an aircraft we will be using. A group of stormtroopers guarded me as I briskly walked through the passageways going over to a different medic quarters gathering first aid kits and sanitizers. Making my way into the medic quarters the room all white as workers wore masks. They gave me a look as if they feared me stepping away from me.  
They know I work for Kylo but there is no need to fear me. A nurse came to me short dark haired in a bun her uniform were black scrubs  
"You must be Commander's secretary" her voice was shaky "I heard he needed medical supplies for a mission"  
"Yes" I replied "I came here to pick them up"  
"Right this way" she said, she led me into a large room stacked high with supplies, medicines and medical gear. She went over to the back as I stood quietly.  
"Here we are" she handed me a cloth bag as I took it into my hands "oh um, if a serious medical emergency occurs you need to come back to base immediately so medic can inspect both Commander Ren and you"  
"Will do," I told her, as I left the medical quarters as people still stood afraid.  
Moving onto the supplement quarters realizing it was on the opposite ends from the medic quarters. I let out a groan as the stormtroopers came back in formation.   
While at the supplement quarters the crew gave me the same reaction of fear while giving me a bundle of food. I thanked them while leaving.

Heading over to the base where the shuttle is ported I never heard of this vehicle or even the port given I had been hear for a while now. The base was tucked away secretly having to go through a door down a passageway into another door seeing the aircraft. It was beautiful, black and sleek, the wings were up right and tall. Same red geometric shield like Kylo's tie, but this aircraft was much bigger. Unlatching the ramp hearing is whirr out, climbing up on board I can see the front had two captain seats, the back had only four black passenger seats. Behind the seats towards the back was a large space for a sleeping area. Shelves and compartments against the walls and overhead for supplies and equipment. Unloading the bags filling in the shelves with medicine,dehydrated meals and water. Finding a closet stocked with bedding and emergency landing gear. Trying not to spend to much time moving to the back of the vacant space. The ceiling looked as if it could be open, and a divider to close off the seat area. I felt excited as if we were going on a trip but it was work. Some much work.

The day had ended and I was exhausted, packing away clothes and uniforms for the mission in a duffle bag. I haven't been feeling okay a little queasy and fatigued but it was probably my nerves working up. 

"All packed" Kylo's said softly entering the room  
"Yeah" I said back   
Kylo stood behind me his head resting on mine  
"Why don't you show me that third outfit?" a slight pressure formed around my head he was reading me.  
"Seems to me you've worn it when I'm not around, enjoying it" Kylo said huskily letting go of me stepping back as I turned around his eyes read hunger for me.  
"Fine" I said ready to go to the bathroom,  
Kylo grabbed me by my wrist as I looked at him knowing what he wanted me to say  
"Commander"  
"Good girl, I'll be waiting" he smiled 

Looking at my reflection the way the lingerie piece fitted my body though it seemed a bit tight doesn't matter, stepping out seeing Kylo, shirtless presumably naked under the sheets  
His pale skin made him stand out from the black sheets.

[Kylo's POV]

Xena stood by the doorway of the bathroom. The lingerie perfectly fitting her body frame, resting on her curves, her full breasts, the way the lace hid her parts feeling my cock getting hard.   
Biting my lip   
"Come to me" I said  
She walked over, climbing onto the bed sitting herself on my lap feeling the warmth of her as she slowly grinded herself. Her curls fell over her shoulder as I slowly caressed her tan skin.  
"Your beautiful" looking into her brown eyes "so fucking beautiful"  
My lip conjoined to hers full lips as we kissed my tongue intertwined with hers. finding the latch to unbuckle the bra freeing the fabric from her skin. Taking in her nipple in my mouth sucking and biting hearing her moan. She continued to grind as my hand went over to her free breast cupping it. Pinching her nipple as my lips went back to hers. Moving off of me, pulling back the sheets exposing myself, her lips kissed the head of my cock as she stroked it. Sucking me looking up at me my hand tangled in her curls.  
"Fuck baby" I moaned pushing her down further hearing her gag pulling up see her messy face  
"Let me see that pussy" I told her  
Rolling over on her side as I positioned myself her folds hidden behind the thin lace. Pulling it away, her pink folds inviting me, her clit budded, thumbing it, hardening as I took it into my mouth sucking, my tongue flickered, hand on her thighs holding her in place. Hearing her cry out, whimpering.  
My fingers slipping into her feeling the wetness of her opening her warmth tasting her she was ready I pulled her up  
"Fuck me" I commanded she gave me a look her eyebrows furrowed   
"I want you to ride me" I explained her face changed to a smile  
Laying down again, my back against the bed frame, Xena straddled herself slipping onto me feeling my cock go into her.   
Letting out a groan her hips began rocking my hands on her hips holding her. My lips on her neck nipping, her moans loud, taking her nipples into my hands toying them.  
"Don't stop baby" I moaned "please don't stop"  
I focused my force on her clit as she giggled a little   
The bed rocked with our movements, so close to cumming Xena's hand went to my through squeezing it closing my eyes as she continued  
"F-Fuck" I choked out letting out a loud groan as I came in her she still continued as my head fell back she wasn't done and I was ready for a second time. intensing the force hearing her cry out my name as I let out a deep growl cumming again, her walls contracting around me as she fell onto me breathless. Kissing her scalp   
"You did amazing baby" I laughed "so fucking amazing"  
….

[Kylo's POV]

Xena laid perfectly on me as my hand strummed her back, knowing I should sleep as a mission was ahead of us in the following days. Thinking back to the talk we had a month back, laughing to myself about the thought of having a baby with her. Maybe in the next three years when the contraceptive dissolves, but I sensed something that it may even be sooner. I looked down at her, going into her dreams, she moved onto her back, her head a bit crooked on the pillow. Slowly, placing my shaky hand on her stomach… sensing it.


	16. Noku

"Now remember sir you must find the piece" Hux said to Kylo walking beside him  
"I know what I must find Hux" Kylo's synthetic voice echoed off the corridor walls  
"You sure you want to bring her along,she doesn't seem equipped" Hux said with a sly tone  
Wow really I'm right here kylo stopped pointing a finger at him, I thought their love hatred friendship was funny  
"Hux she is my secretary you have you own generals" he said to him  
"Alright sir" Hux replied looking at me

Around 10:00 Kylo and I arrived on the isolated base for departure of the mission. General Hux followed behind Kylo as I was standing by. My shoulders were killing me carrying the bags of supplies and clothes, feeling fatigued again. Entering the passageway having to walk some ways into base. A few mechanics were on call as they saw me. I didn't recognize them,the ramp was open for us to enter as Kylo gave me the nod to go ahead. Climbing on board putting the bags in the secure compartments. Kylo and Hux were still discussing the mission. I couldn't grasp the conversation as I sat down in one of the passenger seats taking a breath.

Kylo stepped foot on the shuttle after a few minutes of speaking, closing the ramp after him getting himself in position for take off. He looked back at me taking off his helmet.  
"Upfront" he told me  
Going up to the cockpit sitting down in the second captain seat as Kylo prepared the aircraft for flight. Feeling the craft lifting ready for take off. The thick jacket and mask made it uncomfortable while sitting in the passenger seat taking them off feeling better. Buckling myself in preparing for the g-force ahead, the shuttle rattled and hummed preparing for take off, as usual I still felt the wave of nausea and head tensions. Kylo flipped switches and buttons putting the craft in auto pilot unbuckling himself and going towards the back  
"How long is this going to take?" I asked feeling a bit queasy my fingers fumbling  
"Not long, about two hours" he replied hearing him go through the cabinets "I am going to set some rules down" he said coming back sitting down, handing me tablets they were for the nausea taking them jnto my mouth.  
Ugh not again Kylo crossed his arms looking at me very serious  
“where we are going it may not be safe. Have your weapons on hand stay close to camp and you are only allowed to leave when I say so got it"  
"Yes"  
He looked at me   
"Commander"

The flight was a bit boring, there really was nothing to entertain us. Just looking out the shield but it was straining since it was all a blur from the speed. I glance over a few times at Kylo seeing him being serious piloting it was hot to say the least. I did take a small nap curling up in the chair, only then to wake up to a beeping sound coming from the navigation system notifying we are close to our destination. 

Kylo placed the system back into manual, feeling the shuttle shift breaking through Noku's atmosphere. Keeping the craft at a decent altitude searching for a clearing to safely land and make a camp. Landing in an opening turning off the engines sitting in silence as the shuttle made its final hum.   
"Get dressed in your mission uniform," Kylo told me, throwing the duffle bag my way nearly hitting.  
“Please don’t have me punish you”

After getting dressed in the leggings and the long black shirt pulling my hair up in two small buns. Ready to explore.

“I'm heading out to check the surrounding area, I need you to set camp outside and begin to prepare shelter for rest” Kylo ordered me “Only stay close if an intruder comes use your weapon and get back on the shuttle”   
“Yes commander”  
Kylo left the shuttle as I slumped down so much for an adventure

First I worked on the inside opening the storage compartments in the back . setting down cushioned pads on the vacant space, following along with blankets and pillows against the back wall windows. 

going down the ramp of the shuttle feeling the weight of the gravitational pull set in being overtaken by the surroundings, the tall pine trees, the coolness of the wind seeing the sky pinkish in color from a sun setting. The beauty and awe of it made me want to cry but there wasn't time for that. Digging up a small pit using a collapsible shovel for fire feet away from the shuttle. Scavergening fallen twigs and wood brush for fuel from the nearby trees.  
Kylo came back moments later"Were safe no is around" pulling out his saber the flame ablaze as he lit the bundle of twigs. Show off.   
"I will get dinner started" I said  
Finding the packages of dehydrated meals picking up two of the same meal. Going down for the waters and pots. Setting up the pot of water over the fire practically just needing to heat the water and pour into the packages to rehydrate. The sounds of real fire were different than the ones on Starkiller. The pops crack the flames flying up in red and orange.

"You miss this don't you?" Kylo asked the his face glowing from the flame  
I nodded my head  
"I made a stupid mistake" I scoffed   
"There was no mistake" Kylo looked at me hard "everything happens for a reason"  
"Have you ever camped?" I asked him  
"I guess when I was younger" he drew into the dirt with a fallen stick. As I was lost in the flames sipping on my tea.

Kylo wasn't around camp in the morning figuring he left for his journey.

What is he searching for?

Making breakfast of just a roll and fruit chugging down water from a cateen going outside taking in the pine air. My feet wobbled from the gravity shift this was so much better than being in Star Destoryer. I decided to take a walk making sure my weapons were on hand as I wondered off going the same distance leaving tags on the trees to show my way back. Hearing the birds hight above in the trees the sound of water nearby the sun on my skin being lost in the surroundings. Continuing my steps until I heard a snap not knowing where it came from only turning around finding an alien creature looking at me. Tall massive muscular, it looked like a mixture of a hippo but skin was yellow orange dressed in leather clothing he wasn't happy he snarled at me and spoke an alien language as I reached for my lightsaber pulling it out activating it. Only to my surprise he had a similar weapon except it was made of electricity, hearing it crackle getting into position, I swung at him only missing. My blade grazed my leg burning through the material of the legging frying the skin of my thigh no time to check…again  
dodging his swing and twirling to strike again hitting his blade successfully. Only to then have him backfire and hit my saber out of hand.  
Standing in fear as the creature came closer cursing me, falling back over a exposedroot, his blade buzzing against me the electric sparks shooting off . I should've stayed on camp like what Kylo said.  
Before my eyes a red saber blade cut through him as the creature turned over dead.  
Kylo lifted the body with his force throwing him out of the way.  
He was upset " I told you to stay put" he shouted at me  
Trying to grasp at what just happened   
"I wanted to-"   
"Explore" Kylo said softly, picking up my saber tucking it in his belt.  
Scooping me up in his arms I could see he was in a nasty fight. He was wet as if he was in water hair damp covering his face curling up. Small cuts and bruises on his neck. As he looked back at me I was lost in his eyes, my hand on his face as I kissed him. Then I remember the burn wincing as it stung.  
"I have to take you back" Kylo said concerned.

....

Setting me down on the pad as he went into the compartments for supplies. I looked at the wound seeing my flesh exposed blood oozing, aswell a clear liquid. The material of the pants burned clean but particles of it were in the wound. Kylo came back with a damp rag   
"Bite down" placed it in my mouth and his hand tore the leg of the leggings off.  
The smell of rubbing alcohol filled the shuttle.  
"Deep breaths" Kylo said  
Inhaling deeply as I felt a burning sting once Kylo place the pad on the wound, my screams muffled by the rag, tears formed in my eyes.  
There was another smell, it was sweeter, feeling Kylo's fingers prodding the perimeter of the wound with a thick glob of ointment, the cream numbing my skin.  
I turned facing Kylo as he was bandaging my leg. Wrapping it around, taking the rag out of my mouth he looked at me and eyes looked lighten in the sun glaze.

"Stay here please, I need to go out again"

"but" 

Kylo took my face in his hands "Xena please" he kissed my forehead as he left closing the hatch my eyes closed

I don't know how long I slept judging the darkness of the Shuttle. The hatch opened as I saw Kylo entered with a jar of some sort. He came over to me sitting down drink this  
"What is it?" I asked opening the canister smelling it smelt good  
"Bone broth" he said  
Placing my lips to the rim,sipping the broth, it was warm strong in flavor

"Why did you bring me here if you don't want me to leave?" I asked hoping I am not going to anger him he took in a deep breath  
"Well I do but first I am checking if the area is okay to explore and then I will give you the a okay" he explained   
"We are the bad guys aren't we" I said taking another sip of broth  
"Yes, mostly tresspassing"  
I passed the jar over as Kylo took a sip  
"Do you like being on Star Destroyer" in asked while looking down at my wound  
"Of course I do"   
"Because I feel you are forcing yourself at times"  
"What?" He snapped   
"Like I know deep down you are still Ben Solo"  
Kylo looked at me, he wasn't angered but something switched. He go up stepping away from me, going out the shuttle  
I blew it   
Standing up my leg wobbly as I followed out  
"Ky I'm sorry, I didn't mean"  
He was just standing there looking up at the moon   
"Maybe you are right Star Destroyer isn't my home all of this isn't"  
I went to his side hugging him nestling my head in his arm the cool night wind blowing through the trees  
"Is that why you are exploring for a home a sense of something to regain Ben Solo"  
"Possibly"  
Fireflies were swarming around above the grass. Going back inside finding a empty glass jar as I went back out collecting a couple,Kylo looked at me confused  
"Don't bring those bugs inside" he said, it almost seemed as if he was afraid of them  
"Look at them" I said Kylo held the jar "they have light in them and so do you"  
Kylo continued looking at them taking off the jar freeing them as they glowed away.

....

Laying together on the pad the roof screen opened, as we laid under the stars watching them twinkle. Kylo's head rested on my shoulder as my fingers trailed through my hair. He looked up at me his lips on my neck as he slowly kissed me lifting my shirt up feeling my breasts. Massaging it softly, his lips trailing down my abdomen peeling off the band of the sweat pants. Careful going over my wound he pulled off his shirt unbuttoning his trousers he layed beside me as I took his cock in my hand.  
His lips parted as he moaned, I kissed him his hands on my breasts again as he fell ontop of me my legs opening as he pushed through letting out a soft moan. The way he moved was different not forceful not hard. His thrusts were slow, gentle, loving. His force stimulating my clit scaring me a bit   
"Still not use to it" he laughed  
"No I whimpered"  
Continuing, his thrusts became faster my body tightening   
"I going to cum" I gasped   
"You are cum for me"  
Our lips locked together as Kylo thrusted harder, my body exploding hearing his grunts.  
Looking into his eyes I didn't see Kylo I saw Ben he smiled at me as he rested himself on my shoulder.

....

Birds chirped loudly in the morning, again finding Kylo not present, my body was ready for food. Going to the front making oats with fruit I decided why not eat outside. Stepping off the ship sitting on a fallen log enjoying my breakfast. Seeing a squirrel-like creature run out of the bushes. Something rustled in the trees junpin up and backing away reaching for my lightsaber only nothing crap it's on the ship. Running back on the shuttle looking for it, finding it on a counter going back out, waiting for the sound. Then it happened again igniting the weapon ready to strike when the creature came out. I swung missing seeing it was Kylo and he looked scared.   
"I'm sorry" I said startled my heart racing  
"We have to leave,now" Kylo said brethlessly  
Then there was more rustling   
"Get on the ship start the engines" Kylo commanded   
Running back onto the shuttle as Kylo was fighting off the creatures.  
I went to the cockpit pushing on the start button feeling the engine purred and the shuttle vibrate.  
Kylo ran back on closing the ramp running to the passenger seat   
I lifted the aircraft upwards as Kylo controlled the pistols on the passenger side  
"Ky I can't fly" I said franticly  
"You're doing fine just keep it balanced" he was confident in me,Kylo continued firing feeling the drops, the speed picking up feeling sick   
"Ky" I calles  
His finger moved to the navigation system inputting the coordinates leaving the atmosphere, hyper space jumping back to base.  
The shuttle was now in autopilot, regulating to the course  
I sat back taking deep breaths, looking over at Kylo   
"You did good" he made a smile at me  
Sure enough I ran to the back where the toilet was, throwing up   
Kylo came to me with water in his hands and tablets  
"Motion sickness" he groaned  
"Yeah" I sighed   
Gaining enough strength to get up lying down on the pads Kylo sat down beside me.

Xen I need to tell you something  
What I said sleepily my mouth still lingering with the taste there was a silence 

"Nothing I forgot, sleep"


	17. Strain

Back to work … Noku wasn't some little getaway vacation, it was a mission a part of the job but it didn’t feel like working. The rest of the flight back I already began to feel low moods knowing it was back to the typical routine of meetings, non stop traveling through the corridors, politics and war. The whole life and vessel of Star Destroyer was about war but I didn’t want to accept it was. Landing back on the small isolated base around 14:00, General Hux and other generals were present as Kylo immediately began discussing his discoveries on Noku leaving me behind. Grabbing the bags leaving the shuttle trying to figure out what is next on the agenda.   
“Take the bags back to my quarters, and be prepared for a meeting by 16:00” Kylo told me.  
Letting out a sigh as I traveled to his quarters hauling the supplies, I was still tired even though I took a small nap. Having to leave so unexpectedly this morning I wasn’t adjusted to the pace of relaxed to busy mode. 

Opening the doors of the quarters making my way into the bedroom, dropping down the bags and basically collapsing on the bed dozing off forgetting about the meeting. A small nap won’t cause any damage, until I woke up seeing the time as it was 15:45. Crap! only having less than ten minutes to get ready plus it would take me ten minutes to walk to the Meeting room if I charged. Hurriedly trying to wash up, get dressed and rushing out the door the time was 15:59 great making my way through finding the meeting room stepping inside seeing it had just started. All of the members looked at me as Kylo lifted his helmeted head up the large time bar on the wall read 16:12. No time to say any excuses finding my seat sitting down ready to take notes when   
Fuck I forgot the data pad my face burned hot,  
Kylo proceeded with the meeting knowing he was pissed as I sat dumbiliy. The meeting ended as the members left Kylo taking off his mask as I sat there holding it together. 

“Kylo I am so sorry I lost track of time and-” trying make up an excuse  
“Xena, I need you to be professional” he told me his synthetic voice was harsh  
“Yes Commander” I said quietly

Days have passed, meetings were stacked on top of one another, traveling through the never ending labyrinth of the ship. Battles were called left to right, I was becoming exhausted, and drained. Waking up feeling warm, a bit stuffy and nauseous, Star Destroyer is a very sanitized vessel no one ever gets sick here. During breakfast my head began to hurt, as the nausea worsened. Poking around the eggs on my plate not bothered to eat them as the smell was unbearable 

“Kylo, i don’t think I can work today” I told him   
He looked at me with a bit of annoyance, what happened to him caring about me  
"Xena there is alot I have to get done today" he said scratching his head  
I can feel I was ready to throw up, taking in deep breaths closing my eyes trying not to think about it, a wave of heat covering me.   
"Kylo I am serious, I haven't been feeling well in the last couple of days please" I whined   
He came over to me placing his hand on my head "you do feel warm and sweaty" he looked at me for second "I will have a stormtrooper escort you to the medic quarters, I have to go to a meeting"

Wait, he doesn't want to escort me. I could be seriously sick and he isn't showing any sympathy.

There was a medic quarters not far from Kylo’s quarters but the walk made me feel worse, the overhead lighting seemed brighter today, and the scents that I never even noticed smelled sour. Entering into a secluded corridor closed off from the main corridor, the crew members wore dark scrubs hair neatly done, a nurse came over from behind a receptionist desk. She was shorter than me, her black hair in a low bun.   
"You must be Kylo Ren's secretary, he mentioned you would come in today, all was mentioned was you weren't feeling well” she explained her voice a bit high pitch  
"Yes, that’s me” so he came here to give them a notice but not to take me  
“I’m nurse RN-097” she introduced herself “follow me I will take you to a room to get checked with vitals" I nodded my head leaving the stormtrooper behind

Walking down the hallway seeing there were beds only closed off by curtains we kept walking towards the back where there were more private rooms. RN-097 pulled out a card hovering it over a reader as the door beeped. The hospital room was small all white with a medical bed in the center, a sink and cabinets against the wall. My eyes were sensitive to the white as the lights made the room blinding, causing the nausea to continue

"Have a seat on the bed" the nurse instructed me

Going over to the bed sitting down as RN-097 took my hand placing a monitor on my wrist pushing down on a button hearing it beep on.

"This will check your heart rate, oxygen levels and blood pressure" pulling out a data pad from her scrub pocket tapping on the screen reading it   
"You were out on a mission with the Commander correct?” she asked  
"Yes it was about a few weeks back" I told her as she pushed on the screen   
"What are your symptoms?"  
I thought of the list of them   
"Um nausea, feeling hot like a fever, chills, drained, fatigued" I told her 

She then pulled out another monitor, holding it up my forehead hearing it beep after a few seconds  
"Temperature is normal” she said looking at it typing in the results onto her tablet “I will have a phlebotomist come to run blood tests"

She left the room as I sat there my leg bouncing,minutes passed as the phlebotomist came in with a box of supplies. I couldn’t see a name tag and there were no formal introduction  
"I'm going to take some blood samples" he said his peppered and her wore glasses  
Setting up the supplies watching him pullout tubes, needles, and pulling out a stand from underneath the cabinets for my arm to rest on. Laying my right arm down on the arm rest as the phlebotomist wrapped a blue rubber band around my arm flicking the dent of my elbow placing the needle into my skin. Seeing my blood oozed out into the small vial tubes, making me feel more queasy and drained. Once done, he told me the results would take some time. Laying down my head on the bed shutting my eyes taking deep breaths, only too late I threw up thankfully in the sink washing it down. 

The nurse that was with me earlier came in  
"Are all right?" she said my body crouching over the sink as I was coughing up spit   
"Yeah I'm fine" I replied my head feeling dizzy 

Here sit down, she aided me back to the bed,  
“your tests will be notified shortly but for now you will need to stay here.” she told me “I was looking back at your log and you had a contraceptive placed a few months ago.”  
“I did” I told   
“Well there are a few side effects: nausea, heat flashes, headaches, missed periods or lighter periods.” she explained to me 

“Yeah” I haven't had a period in a while I was relieved no more back stabbing cramps 

“Well the contraceptive must be working correctly” she mentioned "But we still need to see what the tests results may say”

The nurse left again as I was left alone, hearing the hum of the vents and nearby staff.   
A while later another worker came in another male this time dark haired a bit tan,he had a cup of water in his hand and some tablets  
"How are we feeling” he asked, he was titled as D-089 passing me the water and tablets taking them  
“A bit better” I replied now I was getting tired again, the taste lingering in my mouth  
He checked the monitor on my wrist turning it back on “seems normal” pulling out the same gadget to check my temperature “again normal”  
“Your test came back” he pulled out a tablet peering over it “ looks to me you may have gotten a strain of a virus when you went to Noku a few weeks back”  
“It wasn't airborne may have been caused by an insect or an amoeba if you drank any water”  
Racking up my brain remembering the fireflies and no I didn’t drink the water but I did kiss Kylo when he was wet but that was just a drop  
“Am I going to be okay” my voice became shaky  
“yes you are, but medicine and antibiotics will be given and a 14 day quaratine will be ordered”   
“Does that I have to stay here?” I asked my throat scratchy  
“No you can go back to your quarters and a nurse will assist you with medications and vitals” he told me “If it worsens then we may have to redo tests and refigure what it could be. I say it is best to lay out here for a few more hours until then to keep track of your vitals and for the nausea to pass”

I nodded my head as D-089 left laying my head back down trying not to start crying about the fact I have a strain of a virus that can be lethal 

RN-097 came back with a warm towel over my head, I also was given an IV for hydration. She asked if I wanted to eat anything since it was lunch hour and I said no. My head rested on the pillow as I slept.

The nurse that was going to assist me told me I needed bedrest, no heavy walking, and stressful subjects. Kylo was being an ass stuck in meetings with generals, another mission scheduled for three days and. I could be dying but this man is becoming selfish, his quarters were becoming lonesome as I focused on not dying and hoping everything will reside in the next few weeks. Hoping this doesn’t become a bigger issue than it is. Warm baths helped with the queasy muscles, broth filled me and herbal tea helped the nausea. The medicine was bitter as the antibiotic was a sweet liquid, taking long naps and pacing around the rooms trying to not turn into a sloth. Please don’t let this be serious. 

[Kylo’s POV]

“That Girl” Snoke snarled as I kneeled before him “She is pulling you into the light”  
“Yes I know” I told him looking upwards to his deformed wrinkle face  
“Hmmm”Snoke looked down at me thinking “and she has something within her that is powerful”  
“Yes she does” my gut clenched   
“Kylo Ren, she is no good for you” Snoke advised “You must destroy her, kill her”   
“Do I have to prove evidence” I told him shaking with anger   
“Mmmm, yes you should” Snoke sat back, as I swallowed hard  
“When should I do it sir?”   
“Soon young master”

I left, rushing back to my quarters I can’t, I won’t… Hux stopped me in the middle of the corridors  
“Uh, Commander” Hux said   
“What” I yelled, Hux looked at me with fear   
“Just a reminder there are meetings scheduled today one at 14:00 and another at 17:00 aswell dinner with captain at 19:00”  
The time now was 12:45   
“I’ll think about it”  
“Um sir you have to be present” Hux mentioned making me want to strangle him   
“Look I’m just busy right now”  
“Oh, yes sir” Hux moved out my way as I began marching again, stupid meetings, stupid Snoke trying to calm myself before entering the doors.

I found Xena curled in a ball by the toilet, finding a towel damping it with some water sitting beside her. Wiping her face, she looked tired,exhausted   
“It’s not fair” she sniffed “why didn’t you get the virus too”  
“Shh” taking her into my arms rocking her softly thinking back to what Snoke said  
“I’m so tired” Xena cried in my arms there was nothing I could do but to just hold her

Going over to the bath pulling on the handle filling the tub with water and soap, helping get undressed, picking her up and carefully putting her in the tub. Her eyes,nose, and lips were red swollen letting her soak, letting the warm water soothe her aching belling. After some time I picked her up, dried her off and took her to the bed covering her. The time now was 13:50, forget the meetings, the dinner, Xena needs me. In the kitchen I warmed up some broth and rice hearing the door click seeing it was the nurse.   
“She’s resting right now” I told her as she went into the room, shortly after I went in to feed her, still thinking about Snoke’s request   
Xena lied back down on the bed sleeping as I sat beside her rubbing her stomach   
“I’m so sorry” I whispered 

I have to get rid of her


	18. Sanctuary I

Laying on the couch, my mind empty as my eyes stared at the low blue glow of the fire pit, nausea seemed to be going down a bit but I still felt sick. The nurse came in earlier today to give me my last dose of antibiotics and tracked my vitals. Kylo has been distant again, meetings, solo missions back and forth, I began to hate him again. Jealous that he still hasn’t caught the strain, why me. Quarantine is almost up, even though I will be on some precautions in the following weeks. I still felt cold bundled in a blanket watching the glowing embers pulse. Hearing the front door click hearing the familiar boots on the floor not even perked up as Kylo stepped down sitting by my head. His hand going through my loose strands as it annoyed me.  
“Leave me alone” I grumbled  
“Xen, I need to you to come with me on a mission by the end of the week” he spoke softly   
“Me” I mumbled feeling angry “Why me?” I sat up looking at Kylo “So i can get sick again”  
“Xen listen, you are healthy and traveling can be a risk but I need you to come with me”  
“Why don’t you ask someone else another general or crew member” my tone became loud  
“I know you are upset with me but please Xena, trust me”  
“Fine whatever” I mumbled laying my head down

The following days to this mission Kylo seemed to go off alone not exactly a meeting or whatever else but hiding away in the office or his artifact room. Being busy packing my clothes and items with no information on where we are going. Just anxious I would get sick again, anxious I would get killed. 

[Kylo’s POV]

The days were going by so fast, the final moments with Xena, hearing Snoke’s words remembering the test results that put me in a shock. There wasn’t much time left. Trying to hold myself together hiding away only to then break down into tears. I was in love, and now I had to destroy it. I sat down late at night, while Xena slept pulling out some paper and a pen writing at least ten pages full of a letter to give to her. I’m so sorry Xen.

[Xena’s POV]

Trailing behind Kylo as we walked to the port, my arms full of bags and supplies but why so much. Base was quiet, must have been off hours as Kylo and began loading the TIE fighter, sitting myself in the only passenger seat as Kylo prepared for lift off. A wave of nausea hit it’s been a while since I felt it grasping myself redirecting my mind. The TIE rattled as we were positioned for a space jump feeling the G-Force knocking me back my stomach swirling more resting my head on the head rest trying to calm myself. The ship regulated as it was quiet Kylo didn’t speak as I sat there lost in my thoughts. Shortly the navigation system made a beep notifying our destination feeling the jolt entering the atmosphere softly landing. Kylo opened the hatch door seeing a glimpse of the outside as he stepped off.   
“Grab your things” he called out, picking up the bags as I stepped off surprised to find clear blue skies with puffs of white clouds. Knee high grass that swayed with the wind, tall mountains with snow caps.   
“What’s on the agenda Commander?” I asked him, Kylo looked down his face was uncertain  
“Xena” his voice cracked “Xen, I’m leaving you hear” he looked up at me his eyes were glassy  
“Is that the mission, you’re leaving so I can look for something” I asked with a laugh  
“No” he pressed his lips shaking his head “You aren’t coming back on Star Destroyer”  
My facial expression changed “What are you saying?” I questioned seriously   
He was silent with no response “Ky what are you saying?” I asked again  
“I have to leave you Xen” he said his voice breaking “Star Destroyer isn't your home and you shouldn’t be with me” the way he said it I felt a tug at my heart  
“So you are breaking up with me” I replied small my eyes burning “Not only that but leaving me on a unfamiliar planet” I bit out  
“You won’t be alone” Kylo looked into my eyes hard trying to persuade calmness “there is a woman, a miracle worker her name is Maire, she is willing to take you in she lives in the village not far from here” he advised  
I looked around the grassland seeing a speck of a town miles away  
“Are you crazy” I yelled “You are going to leave me”  
“I will come back baby” Kylo took my hand hand “ but not for a while” I pulled my hand away  
“No!” I yelled,   
“Xen please trust me” the words felt mocking that is what he said about me trusting about this so called mission  
“No! I won’t” I shouted   
“Xen please” Kylo took my face in his hands as I fought away the grip “Don’t come after me or look for me” I looked at him and his lips fell onto mine as he kissed me. There was something different, a goodbye kiss. Kylo broke away as i looked at him his eyes watery  
“Please go” he whispered I didn’t follow “GO” he shouted pushing me away a little heading back to his TIE. Before stepping back on he turned around the wind blowing through his dark black hair “Please go and take care of us” I stood there sobbing “I love you Xen” was the last thing he said to me. Kylo’s TIE flew off making a tiny dot as I stood in the grass crying cursing him. Plopping down on the ground my heart shattered…

Time has passed knowing that time shouldn’t be wasted, getting up looking at the small speck of the town ahead, Gathering the bags making my way to the village calculating it was only about a mile away. The sun was still high, as I threaded through the tall grass the breeze was not too harsh. Entering the stone gates of the village stepping onto a gravel road. The villagers looked at me, their clothing were earth and berry toned as I was an outcast with my black athletic wear. I had my head down as I continued to walk seeing many villagers turn their heads. It was a mixture of human people and aliens, roadside shops and markets stood along the side of the dirt road, animal drawn wagons pulled through the street. I didn't feel I was going the right way, matter of fact where I was going I turned to a villager. A man that was tan short crop of dark hair and a beard

“Excuse me?” I asked the man looked up at me “I am looking for a woman named Marie”  
“Oh,Marie” he seemed to know her “she lives that way” he pointed to the other end of the street “She lives in a stone cottage close to the edge of town, great woman”  
“Oh thank you” i sighed with relief   
“No problem, miss uh”   
“Xena” I replied  
“Xena” the man chirped up as he had a smile on his face taking my hand to shake it “Name’s Flynn” he paused for a while “Listen, do you need help with those bags”  
“Oh, uh” I didn’t trust him “no not all but thank you”  
“Alright then I should let you go on your way”  
I nodded heading my way to Marie’s

Finding the small stone cottage I knocked on the wooden door not waiting long, an old woman came out with a smile. Her hair was long black with streaks of silver, short about four foot nine wearing a beige cotton dress.  
"Ah, you must be Xena come in" she said welcominly   
How did she know my name   
Walking into a sitting area “please have a seat” she told me as she went into the kitchen. The cottage is open floor quaint and calming, stone and carved wood designed for the interior. Sitting on a small couch she came over with a wooden tray setting it down on the table.  
She began pouring tea from a floral tea pot into a matching cup, taking it and passing it to me. I took a sip of tea. The taste was herbal sweet as the liquid was blue-ish. Marie sat down picking up a crochet needle and began crocheting, I didn’t notice at first but a young gray cat jumped up on the couch beside her as Marie petted it’s head.

"A man came to me a few weeks ago asking for help” Marie said “I asked what is it you need help with and he replied a safe home for his love. He told me, she needed protection because she is carrying something very valuable”

I looked at her confused placing the tea down as it was getting to warm in my hands,did Kylo put something in one of the bags   
"I don't understand?” I asked bewildered  
"You haven't been feeling unwell lately have you?” she asked putting down the needles and pouring herself more tea  
“No I haven't” I told her “I must've caught a bug when I went to-”   
“It wasn’t a bug or illness dear” she let out a small laugh “you are expecting” Marie smiled   
“Expecting what?” I asked still confused   
“A baby, dear” Marie laughed gleefully pointing at my stomach  
“the man that sent you he sensed you are pregnant and knew you wouldn't be in a safe position so he brought you here, to what is called sanctuary”   
“I can't be pregnant” I explained to her “I am on a contraceptive” but then it clicked the symptoms of the strain are very similar to pregnancy  
Marie smiled at me then it dawned on me that he mentioned taking care of us before leaving. I thought it was odd but didn’t think any of it.  
“Yes you are, and I am so glad to take you in dear” she took a long sip of her tea "Oh” Marie jumped up “The man brought some of your things so the room I’m offering you will make you comfortable"  
Walking up the wooden steps that creaked slightly, into a room basically an attic space, large and spacious.  
“What do I have to do to live here?” I asked   
“Oh not much just some house work, cook, and run errands, for me” she explained   
“But don’t stress to much dear”

Night fell,Marie made stew for dinner. It has been so long since I had a home cooked meal. The bed was comfortable big enough for two people, pulling up the covers over my head sleeping peacefully only to have a head full of odd pregnancy dreams. In the morning Marie was going to take me to a Medic tent not far from her cottage for a scan as well checkup to officialize the pregnancy. The town was busy this morning, the streets filled with people, children playing by their homes, people in the market buying goods, hearing animals in the distance.. It’s been so long since I was around humanity, around life. We walked together to another stone-like house, as Marie knocked on the door, a woman opened the door. She is tall slender dark skin

“Marie, it’s good to see you” she wecomedly said with a smile  
“Elaina this is Xena" Marie introduced me to her " I brought her in this morning for a checkup”  
“Oh yes, I had heard about your guest coming" Elaina folded her arm leaning against the door "come on inside” Entering the clinic the front space was small with a few chairs and a desk  
“Marie you can have a seat” Xena come with me  
Going to the back closed off by a curtain entering a small room, a bed was in the center against a window. There were monitors of some sort and cabinets. The walls were clay with exposed stone as the floor was wood.

“Take a seat for me” Elania told me, climbing onto the bed as Elania pulled out a journal book and pen.

“So Marie told me you are expecting” she looked at me with a gentle smile  
“I guess, um” my feet started shaking  
“Alright question time, when was your last menstrual cycle?” she asked   
“Um, a few months ago, I can’t remember”   
“That’s alright” Elaina wrote in the journal “Lie down for me please”  
I did what I was told being so accustomed to Kylo’s commands, Elaina pulled out a screen turning it out and typing in information  
“This old thing works just as new” she laughed as the screen was booting up as she went into one of the cabinets coming over to me.  
“Lift your shirt up for me please” I lifted my shirt as Elaina placed a glob of some form of ointment down, taking what looked to be a scan reader. Placing the reader on my lower abdomen pushing down slightly, the screen on the monitor was all black except for a few text on the side. Elaina moved the scanner around a bit, then I saw it. A white graining figure showed up but it wasn’t small like a bean shape, it had the silhouette of a baby but odd looking.   
“Judging by the length and by other scans looks like you are about fifteen weeks pregnant about a week you will be in your second trimester” she told me still scanning  
Doing the mental math that was a little over three months, Noku was about four weeks ago which means I was eleven weeks on Noku.   
“That is impossible, I have a contraceptive” I told Elaina “I had it placed in about three months back”  
“Well it’s most likely it rejected because it knew you are pregnant, or it failed” she explained   
“But I had a pregnancy test it came back negative” I told her anxiously   
“False negative possibly” Elaina told me, she was done scanning wiping off the ointment   
“I had a period”   
“What was it like?” She asked  
“Light, barely there minimal cramping”  
“Spotting, when the embryo is embedding into the uterine walls there is likely some blood and cramping but not alot”  
My head was spinning trying to grasp the fact I am pregnant, the fact that I am this far. The medicine, stressing the baby isn’t going to be okay. I was beginning to feel dizzy. Taking in deep breaths   
“I am not ready to have a baby” I said a lump formed in my throat trying to relax  
“It’s alright Xena there are options” Elaina said  
“I don’t want to kill it” I almost yelled keeping my tone neutral   
“Well there is adoption of course” Elaina tried to comfort me “Sweetie I understand, being a young mom is terrifying. I was in the same position as you. Here we have a wonderful program for young mothers to help them through their pregnancy and postpartum. You are still early so take some time to think about the decision and relax” she advised me  
I nodded my head.

Standing in front of the long narrow mirror in the bedroom I looked at myself, lifting up my shirt I couldn’t see anything. My stomach never was flat, there was always a slight pudge but I could see something. 

….

The planet I am on is called Efil also known as Sanctuary, a place where those who lost their homes can reside for temporary time or be permanent residence. It is a beautiful village. The temperature is just right, clear skies and the people are friendly. They are very fond of Marie; they call her a miracle worker. It's funny I haven't felt sick since living here.   
The village is small and with a low population of three hundred villagers. There are larger towns over the mountains as some would migrate to them after a while. Days had passed since the appointment, I was out running errands for Marie collecting water from the river,not far from her cottage. Walking through the marketplace to purchase bread and food, the diet the villagers mostly eat here are fish and poultry. While in the marketplace scanning the stands for vegetables and meat, I spotted a young woman on the other end. She was wearing a green shawl light yellow dress and her hair wavy blond down passed her shoulders.  
She turned around seeing her face clearly, a man the same one I saw when I arrived was behind her with a small girl.  
It can't be, no it isn’t, she’s dead she has been for eight months   
But she looked up at me 

Nova?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know much about pregnancies so I have to do alot of research. My brain cells are dying and trying to calculate the pregnancy was alot. Also having to do weird Google searches of ultrasounds to see what a 15 week fetus looks like which led me to the science of ultrasounds and creepy ultrasounds photos.


	19. Sanctuary II

“Xena!?!” the woman called out it was Nova she ran to me hugging me only to then realize something was in between us she was pregnant.  
“Nova” I gasped out looking at her shocked no this can’t be, she nodded her head tears in her eyes  
“There’s a lot to explain” she told me

Nova poured tea into white tea cups as she sat across from me, her home was different made of a clay material dome shape on the opposite end of the village. She sat down quietly on the couch, thinking of what to say.

“When I was in battle, my fighter was having malfunctions. It was difficult to use my gears um, Ky-Commander he told me to head back to base and I tried to but I was shot down. I didn’t know I was going to live or die, I crashed on a planet mostly made of desert and I was alone until I saw Flynn.” Flynn sat down beside her putting his arm around her "he was scavenging for parts and he saw the fighter, at first he wanted to kill me because he knew who I worked for but I pleaded not to do so" Nova readjusted herself "Flynn took me in after taking some parts from the TIE and we flew here to his home. I was given immediate medical care, thankfully I wasn't paralyzed or even poorly damaged. Flynn told me he was married and has a daughter Lilia but his wife fell ill and died a few years back." Nova took a sip of her tea "one night about a week after the accident, Flynn was messing around with the navigation box it was deactivated but he ended up activating it on. It was giving off a signal to our location."

The moment Nova said that a chill ran down my spine, thinking back to night of the faint beep and flash of the green dot

"He was scared because he saw another signal from a aircraft trying to come towards it he ended up destroying it and I was bit upset since I thought maybe it was you looking for me, he didn't want to take any chances" Nova rubbed her stomach "oh and the pregnancy wasn't supposed to happen, but I'm grateful" she smiled at me, as tried to process the shock and the story, if Kylo didn’t stop me then I would’ve been here.  
"How many months are you?" I asked taking a sip of the tea swirling around the loose leaves  
"Five going on six months" she paused for a second "what about you how did you come here"  
I wanted to lie but I didn't "Ky broke up with me, he sent me here for safety" looking down at the red carpet my eyes watering  
"Oh, Xen that is horrible, I'm sorry,” Nova said apologetically frowning “listen I hope you don't mind staying for lunch"   
I thought about Marie hoping she wouldn't be upset with me being gone for so long

"No not all" I said taking a sip of the tea

For lunch Flynn made soup and bread and while we ate at the small round kitchen tab;e, Nova talked about her life in Sanctuary, for once I actually fully listened to her. Being so attuned about her stories how she met Flynn, adjusted, accepted such a quick change in her life.

Heading back to Marie's hoping she wasn't going to be mad I was gone. Entering her small cottage she seemed happy, going into the tiny kitchen to put the food away.  
"Sorry I'm late" I said   
"I see you met your friend" she told me while sitting in the chair  
"I thought she was dead for so long" I explained  
Then I remembered Nova’s journals, I didn’t pack them thinking I was going to go back, I left it on Star Destroyer.  
I ignored the thought as I put up the food in the cupboards and started prepping dinner.  
Marie came over helping me peel the potatoes,I felt a wave a sadness hit me as I started crying I know I looked dumb but I knew it was probably hormones  
Marie patted my back softly “Everything will be alright dear” she said calmly

That night going up to my room I saw something on my bed, I didn't know what it was. Getting closer, recognizing what it was, it's the dress Nova made lying perfectly, the green fabric blanketing most of the bed. Not only that but a cardboard box full of my personal stuff. I didn't notice Marie was behind me holding Moon the grey cat in her arms.  
“The man that brought you here dropped off a couple items. I was a bit curious and I saw this dress. Your friend is very talented,oh and there is also another dress.” Marie went over to the wardrobe by the wall opening the wooden door,pulling out a black dress the same one from the Celebration “he had the seamstress fix it for you” she handed me the dress as I held it in my arms, memories flooded as I began crying again. Marie wrapped her arms around me “the days will get better” she comforted me.

Few days had passed as I rummaged through bags and boxes, finding trinkets, the journals, and other small items.   
How many trips did Kylo make?  
How did he get here without people shooting him down or him being tracked?  
Becoming overwhelmed, taking a break,

I just wanted him back, for us.

....

Nova invited me to join her for a picnic by the edge of town. I made some berry jam and a fruit pie although Marie had to help me not to burn anything. She was sitting quietly painting by the window before I left   
“I will be back before sunset” I told her heading out  
“Alright dear” she called out

Sitting on a large white sheet, under a weeping willow tree by the bank of a stream, a spread of food laid out partially eaten, Lilia was sitting quietly picking at the grass as Nova, Flynn, and I were in a conversation.   
“So what do you do for work” I asked Nova  
“Well I try not to do too much but, I sew of course, and help rebuild machines however someone wants me to take it easy” she looked at Flynn and laughed   
I felt a bit jealous she had Flynn to be with her, a whole family   
Flynn stood up going over to Lilia as he started to play with her  
"You remember your journals" I looked off to the distance the breeze blowing my hair softly  
"I do, unfortunately I left them, I tried to rewrite them but no use" Nova turned towards me  
"I have them" I turned to Nova as she looked at me  
"No way," she gasped out, I pulled them out of the beige woven bag next to me, Nova eyes grew as I handed them to her   
"I-I thought they were destroyed or stolen" she exasperated   
"Ky found them and he gave them to me and I brought them"   
"This is fantastic wow" Nova hugged me tightly "Xen you are the best"

Lilia skipped over with a bundle of yellow and white flowers   
“Can we make crowns please” she asked holding them out  
“Oh yes” Nova took the flowers and began weaving them into a O shape, the yellow and white overlapping each other, the stems being a base. Nova worked quickly once finished, she placed it on Lilia's brown hair.  
"Pretty" Lilia said she stood twirling as the bottom of her skirt flowed with her movements  
"Just like a princess" Nova complimented, Lilia took the crown off putting it on Novas hair  
“No you are a princess” Lilia giggled   
Nova is a natural at being a mother. I am not. I wanted to tell Nova that I am pregnant but I decided to not to.

I lost track of time the sun was setting, we began packing up and heading back to the main road  
Fire flies started swarming above the grass. Remembering the night on Noku the night Kylo and I last made love. The last time I saw him. Hitting the main road I split off to Marie's saying my goodbyes.

"Sorry I'm late" I told Marie entering the front door putting away leftovers  
"Oh don't worry dear you were enjoying yourself"   
She was sitting by the fire knitting with blue gray yarn, this woman always has something to do that requires her hands. I watched her as she flawlessly looped the yarn in a rhythmic way   
“Marie, could you teach me how to knit?” I asked bringing a plate of cookies over  
“I would be glad to” She smiled stretching the wrinkles on her face “Come sit by me” patting on the empty seat by her.  
I went to sit by her as she began teaching me feeling comforted and whole.

.... 

Elaina wrapped the yellow measuring tape around my lower stomach,   
“You grew a little bit since the last time I saw you” she told me  
I hated the measuring and weighing part   
Laying down on the bed as Elaina pulled out the monitor lifting up my shirt a bit as she rubbed the ointment on the skin of my stomach. Wondering what I will see this time, the screen showed me the same grainy black and white figure.   
“Entering you’re fifth month” she said “Do you want to know the sex of the baby”  
“No not yet” I mentioned  
“That's okay” she wrote into the journal “ Have you been taking your vitamins, staying hydrated”  
“Yes. I have”   
“We haven’t heard the heartbeat” Elaina turned a dial as the room was filled with a muffled heart beat that sounded extra terrestrial.   
“Strong heart” Elania smiled flashing a white smile “Everything looks healthy no signs of heart issues, baby is developing healthy”  
Another worker came in Kat, Elaina’s second nurse, Kat is pale with shoulder length black hair  
“Morning Elaina and Xena” she greeted going into the other room.

The appointment finished as I headed out to the main front room, Marie was waiting for me.

"I will see you in about two weeks from now" Elaina said holding the door open for us.

I felt insecure walking around town afraid people would know since I am now showing. But it was me being paranoid we stopped at the market for supplies and food. Heading back to Marie's cottage, sitting in the back room by the green plants, painting water color. Getting better at being crafty and discovering I have artistic abilities.

Washing the dishes after dinner I felt a flutter in my lower abdomen. Trying not to panic placing the plate I washed into the dish rack, putting my hand over where I felt it.  
Do it again   
And it happened again, the baby is moving, finishing up the dishes going upstairs for the night as Moon followed jumping up on the bed. Looking at my reflection in the mirror seeing my small noticeable bump. Feeling little Xai moving, it was a weird sensation but it meant that they are doing well. Remembering the heart beat from earlier.

If only Kylo was here to feel the flutters, to hear the heart beat of us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I racked my dead brain cells to try to figure out the time frame, so it won't seem off and Nova's baby isn't Nicholas's.
> 
> Basically this is 8-9 months after Nova chapter


	20. Sanctuary III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xena is struggling with the descion about her pregnancy. Feeling lonely and not ready to be a mother

Seasons here on Sanctuary are a bit odd, some call it forever spring and summer with occasional down pours. Some days are warmer than others but it never goes to the point of snow and cold. Unless if you're in the mountains there is always snow caps or the city over them there will have seasonal snow. 

Weeks have past, gathered in the sand colored living room sprinkled with colors of pink and yellow of Nova’s home celebrating her baby shower. A handful of villagers grouped together as Nova and Flynn sat up front opening gifts, smiling as they pulled up a small dress. Standing somewhat in the middle as they continued showcasing their presents for their new baby girl.Elania and Kat were present as they are also Nova’s nurses thankfully, she hasn’t bumped into me at the clinic. I began to feel lonesome, sure I was gathered around by people but lonely as Nova had her partner, to be with her during this time of her life. Not only that but other women that also had families of her own they weren’t alone like I am. Sure Elaina told me about the classes I can take but I feel I am not ready to be a mother, the responsibilities, the sleepless nights, I already hate the rapid growth of my body. Hiding my pregnancy is becoming difficult from most people, wearing oversized loose clothes, not being too loud about it, not wanting a crowd to hover around me about the fact I was railed months ago. 

Now the fact I am almost seven and a half months, time is ticking to make up my mind. I want to keep Xai since it is Kylo’s baby and who knows what kinda fucked up shit it can do but I’m not all there for the decision.

The baby shower ended as everyone left, I helped to clean up, putting up leftovers, and re-arranging the furniture.

“Hey Xen, you don’t mind coming with me tomorrow to the clinic for a check up do you?” Nova asked willing down the table  
“Um sure." I said "what time?” I question getting tired from pulling the furniture back, jnowing I shouldn't be doing that.  
“In the morning, around 9 am” Nova to me  
Crap I have a appointment tomorrow at 8 am.  
“I am a bit busy tomorrow morning,but I can try to make it” I began to feel nervous chewing on my lip  
“Oh sure no problem, if you can just meet me by the clinic” she told me putting a green vase of white flowers in the center of the table.  
“I see you became friends that are also mothers” I said thinking back to the other two pregnant women that were at the shower.  
“Yeah, Kat, my nurse, she advised me to join this group for expectant moms. They are very helpful and well detailed. Flynn joins me on some days ” she told me “Are you jealous or something? I know it is such a big shift me being a mom and such, but nothing is going to change.” a small side smile formed on her face “Do you want to see the nursery”  
“Sure,yeah” 

Heading to the back of the home, in a small bedroom laid a dark wooden crib in the center of the room, a yellow orange sun painted on the front center wall and dark wood letters over the sun spelling out Auroa. 

“Flynn built the crib and made the letters, it isn’t complete yet but soon it will be”  
“Do you need help decorating?” I asked  
“Oh yeah, maybe tomorrow after my appointment we can go into town to look for things.”

… .

Elaina pulled out the monitor knowing the drill, laying back turning my head to the screen

“Looks like baby is ready for position” Elaina said moving the scanner around  
“What” I was alarmed   
“Oh don’t be alarmed around this time the baby would move downwards, you aren’t ready for birth yet” she finished the scan cleaning me up and going over to the cabinets  
“You know those classes you mentioned?”  
“Yes, are you interested in them,they are held two times a week there is one in the morning and one in the afternoon”  
“I want to join them” I told her sitting up  
“Alright you can come to the one two days from now, what time is best” she pulled out her pen  
“Um the morning, is fine"  
“Alright” Elaina wrote in her journal tearing out a piece of paper handing it to me 

“Kat and I normally assists them, if you change your mind just give me a notice”  
I nodded my head

The time was 8:45 am, taking a sigh of relief, leaving the room and heading out the door waiting just a bit outside seeing Nova heading my way.

“Hey” she side hugged me “Thanks for coming”  
We stepped inside as Elania was behind the desk  
“Morning Nova” she greeted her “Xena you forgot something?" She asked   
“No I am with Nova”  
“Oh” she sounded suprissd “I will get Kat for you Nova”  
"Thank you Elanina" Nova turned to me tilting her head “Wait you come here?” she asked curiously   
“For lady check ups” I said “I had a contraceptive placed in my arm back on SD and I have it checked to see if it’s working”  
“Um, okay” she shrugged her shoulders

Kat came out from the door her dark hair put up in a small bun, “Ready Nova” she called out  
“All set”  
“Do you want me to wait here or?”   
“You can sit with Nova, Xena” Kat told me

Nova gave me a look, as if she was getting a clue, heading to Kat's eximination room, Kat began pulling out equipment as Nova sat on the bed. Nova went over her birth plan as Nova wants a water birth. huh? She doesn't want Lilia present during her labor not to be rude but to not scare her. She would like occasional back massages and walks around to ease and further the labor. I felt I should be taking notes, but there wasn't anything to be worried about.  
After her appointment, we went into town to look for decorations. Finding some baby items that are thrifted a little run down but Nova was pleased. Heading back to her home as we began to decorate. Lilia ran to Nova's legs happy she was back wondering about her baby sister.   
"How much longer?" she asked her brown eyes making puppy dog eyes  
"Just a couple more weeks"   
"Daddy took me fishing this morning and I caught a fish" Lilia squealed  
"Did you" Nova sounded excited   
"Uh huh" Lilia went over to a fish bowl bringing it over to us, seeing a tiny silver fish floating around   
"I'm naming him Speck" Lilia said  
"Well Speck is going to need food and lots of love" Nova confronted her  
"I know"   
"Can Xena color with me" Lilia looked up at me   
"Yeah I can" I told her 

Sitting down with Lila in her room on a childs sized table, my legs to big for the chair, drawing on paper with nubbed crayons.   
She was drawing a family potrait, as I was drawing the picnic spot.  
"Xena are you going to have a baby?" Lilia asked she was sitting on her knees holding a pink crayon   
"Um-not for a while no" I told  
"Oh, Mommy told me babies come from magical fairies, that both mommies and daddies wish on" she told me I was trying to hold in a laugh "when the baby is ready to be born they will wish on the same fairy to pop the baby out" she continued "poof baby is born"  
"What do you think fairies look like" I asked  
"Like those bugs that have glowy butts, but prettier"  
Lilia is adorable and has her wits hopefully Xai will be the same. She finish drawing holding up her picture very odd and disproportionate drawing of her family even I an in it. A fairy was floating around them as so wer afire flies.  
"I want to put this in Arua's room" she told  
Nova was talking to Flynn when Lilia told her she want to put the drawing in the nursery. They loved the idea as Flynn left to find a frame leaving me and Nova in the room together. The voice in my head pushing me to tell Nova my pregnancy trying to gather words but my mout felt dry  
"Nov, I have something I need to tell you"  
"What's up" she was putting away supplies in a chest   
Taking in a deep breath um-" I could hear Lilia laugh "uh-" I can't, just say it "I'm pregnant" I said softly staring at the yellow orange sun on the wall.  
"I knew it" Nova laughed "I fucking knew it"  
"You know" I sounded scared   
"Xena you've been acting weird lately and you were at the clinic" she paused "wait is this Ky's baby or?"  
"It's his"  
"Wait how long are you?" She asked   
"Almost 8 months"   
"Are you serious" she gasped "that means our babies are going to be about 2 months apart. Do you know what you are having"  
"No I dont want to know yet although I think it may be a boy" I guessed   
"Is okay if I could feel"   
"Sure"   
Nova's placed her hands around my stomach as Xai moved. She smiled   
"Wow, that's crazy"  
I started to laugh a little  
"What?"  
"Nothing just you telling Lilia babies are made by fairies"  
"That was a conversation I wasn't prepared for"

Flynn came back with the drawing in a frame and a nail and hammer nailing the picture on the wall. He hung it up neatly as I looked at it I do have a family.

…..

Morning of the class hesitated to go, but Marie thinks it’s for the best

Sitting down on straw mats in a larger room in the clinic there were two other women that were pregnant the same ones from the baby shower. Their partners were not with then, I felt better that I wasn’t alone but it changed when they started mentioning them. They were older than me probably in their thirties,married, and already have kids.

“Birth is the worst, my first took a whole day to be born, hopefully this one doesn’t take long” one with brown hair said  
“Let me tell you my first labor was hard the pain was intense and I did have some complications” the other one said 

I sat there scared, feeling anxious

“And those sleepless nights, took a toll but it was all worth it”  
“Then they become toddlers, no breaks for us mommas”

Great, my life is over done, especially when you're carrying Kylo’s baby. A little hellraiser is going to break loose by the terrible two's. 

The class started as Kat sat down introducing the class, we started off by talking about the final months of the pregnancy, precautions, and the readiness of birth. A hand sheet was handed out to be filled out about the birth plan. Staring at the sheet, not ready to fill it in just only my name.

“Xena since this is your first baby I can go over some birthing options?” Kat asked me  
“Sure” looking down at the sheet seeing various options such as water birth, sitting, squatting.  
Kat came over sitting beside me   
“Since this is your first baby I know it can be overwhelming” trying to calm my nerves  
“What’s the easiest option?” I asked  
“Well there isn’t really an easy option but if you would like a water birth can soothe you or we can do epidural” she looked at the sheet “But don’t stress you still have time”

The other women babbled about their first birth being done natural, as I felt judged that I wanted pain meds. The class ended leaving going back to Marie’s finding her in her back garden weeding. She took a break sitting under shade pouring a glass of iced tea as I sat down next to her.

“Marie, did you have children?" I asked hoping the question wasnt too touchy   
“Yes I did but they eventually moved away at times they come back to visit” she told me taking a sip of tea a group of birds chirped in the distance.  
“I don’t think I am ready to be a mother I can’t wrap my head around the fact there is a baby in me still” I explained feeling guilty a bit   
“I know how you feel dear, I had my first when I was 18 and my last when I was 22. I felt I was too young but that's how it was back in the day. By the time I was in my early 40s all of my children moved on. I felt lonely so I opened my home to those who are young, first time mothers and to those who lost their spouses or had none to begin with. They live here until they decide to move on typically once the baby is born or until they are comftorble. You know Elania was on of my house guests she came here with her son when he was just 2 but she was pregnant with her daughter. Her husband was away fighting, she was so young and then she became a mid wife and nurse."

"Were you a mid wife?" I asked   
"Yes until I got to old but I still help out" she told me it became quiet being lost by the sound of the birds  
"I think you feel this way because you feel alone, but you aren't you have me, Nova, Elania, and Kat. You aren't ready because this was such a big change and you are worried because the toddler years can be a handful but it gets so much better. Don't feel you need to change or give up your old ways."

Mary was very optimistic, she made me feel better and whole, loved.

....

I looked over the sheet of paper of birth plans not wanting to think about it; the pain, the length of time of labor, giving birth in a pool of water. Trying to ease my mind away by reading a book although it was boring and hard to read. Until a slip of an envelope flew out, picking it up seeing my name written on it. Opening the letter seeing it was from Kylo,

Xena,

I am so sorry that I have to leave you, Snoke the supreme leader wants me to kill you so I can gain strength with the dark side. There is a powerful force in you I know it, I can't destroy it and I won't kill you. Please forgive me, take care of us, I will be back I promise. I left you in the hands of Marie so you can be safe, I hope I would make it in time for the baby's arrival or at least soon. You may feel you aren't ready but I know you will be such a great mother to the baby. I'm trying Xen to get better and when we meet again call me by the name Ben. There is good in me I feel it. Just give me time dont give up on me please. I love you.

Ben Solo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am struggling writing about this pregnancy like what. I am trying to do as much research to make it sound more realistic.


	21. Human

"Someone is coming" Marie unexpectedly said, I was used to her random sayings but this has been going on for a few days now, multiple times throughout the day. Never questioning her about it, my fingers were jumbled as I tried knitting for the hundredth time, the grey-blue yarn in clumps and knots. I was terrible at this. Marie went back to her book as I sat back hearing the pops of the fire giving up on the knotted mess picking up the tea tray and cleaning up the dishes from dinner. I stared out the window while I scrubbed feeling Xai’s movements. Thinking of proper names from the back of my head, one and half more months. Going upstairs sitting in the dim candle light going over some work. Moon purred in my lap, he has been by my side more now I guess sensing the readiness to give birth. A flash of light flared from the sky out of the round window. It looked to be a falling star but that's silly stars cannot fall. Probably a meteorite passing by, thinking back to when I was a child on how we made a wish on falling stars. I never believed in them but I had hope. So I decided to make a wish, closing my eyes and clearing my mind, taking a deep breath in and sitting upright on the bed.  
“I wish Ben was here, I wish he was with us” I said aloud quietly   
I felt the baby move, but it was different almost like a jolt. My hand flew to my stomach worried, relaxing after a bit once I knew there was nothing wrong .  
"It's okay," I said, blowing out the candle on the nightstand laying on my back. 

Please come back Ben

....

Nova came by in the morning with Aurora and Lilia, setting the table for a late breakfast. Sitting down on the wooden kitchen table eating pancakes, yogurt, chopped fruit, and pieces of fish that Flynn caught.   
“So have you thoughts on having a baby shower?” Nova asked   
“No, I don't think I want one” I said putting a berry in my mouth  
“Why not?”   
I took in a deep breath feeling overwhelmed with all this baby stuff happening so fast  
"I don't know, I just I feel I don't want that kind of attention"   
"Oh I understand you don't have to invite the whole village just me, Flynn, Marie and the nurses. We can have a small gathering and the villagers can still shower you gifts." She explained I let out a sigh  
"That does sound nice but do we have to do all the awkward games and stuff" I shivered at the thought of the diaper game  
"No we'll just have lunch and cake also gift openings"  
"I'll think about it" I told her 

After cleaning up we sat in the sitting room as I held Aurora in my arms. She was still tiny,had grown just a bit given she was only a month old. A slight fuzz of blond hair began growing in she was warm and soft. Her cheeks are slightly rosy.  
Lilia played on the floor with some colored blocks and corn dolls as Moon brushed up against her.   
Aurora squirmed a little seeing her face scrunch up making a big yawn hearing her coos.   
"Is she still struggling to go to sleep at night?" I asked Nova as she helping Lilia dress a doll  
"Yes, she gets up to be fed but Flynn and I switch on nights."  
"Does it hurt when you feed her?" I asked   
"No not really"

Placing my finger in Aurora's hand as she wrapped it around gripping it tightly. I guess she is now giving me baby fever thinking how this could be Xai.

Night fell again, the days feel as if they are slipping away. Being busy in the kitchen making dinner as I was cutting up potatoes and dropping them in boiling water. Pulling out the roast from the oven letting it rest on the counter; we normally don’t eat like this, this was more of a special meal. Marie came back a few hours ago as I told her my plans for a baby shower, she was busy sitting on the couch re-knitting the blanket I failed to make. She loved the idea and didn't mind that I want something small and intimate. Not long she started to then get up standing by the table.   
“Someone is coming”she spoke again now she was scaring me, a knock was at the door, okay maybe she was right I went back checking on the roast as it was done.   
Marie was by the door talking to the stranger, gesturing them to come in not knowing exactly who it was. Was it another house guest, if it was she would’ve told me, or it could be one her children which makes sense why we are having an elaborate meal. I decided to tell her dinner is almost ready, moving out of the kitchen, towards the front by the door.  
"Marie the roast is almost read-" stopping in my tracks as I stared at the stranger. My heart felt it stopped, feeling light headed. My mind comprehending who was in front of me, he looked different, he had a short beard, his clothes were earth toned and he looked a bit tanned. But I recognized him,

“Ben” I sighed

....

[Ben’s POV]

Xena looked at me, her brown eyes wide taken aback, she looked pale, her skin flushed probably by the shock of seeing me after months. She gripped on the table as if she was going to collapse. I went to her hugging her tightly.  
“It’s me Xen” I whispered “I’m here”  
“How what?” she was having a hard time gathering words  
“I will explain later” looking down seeing her belly “You’ve grown a lot”   
“Uh yeah I have” she laughed “It has been growing”  
“Well why don’t we sit and have dinner” Marie said smiling her wrinkles stretching

[Xena's POV]

Sitting besides Ben forgetting how he smelt and felt like, trying to eat but I kept looking at him Marie was watching me smiling. Knowing that I am truly happy, if Marie knew why didn’t she tell me.

After dinner Marie took over the dishes as Ben and I went upstairs, lighting candles, the flames flickering ghostly shadows, going over the bed sitting down. 

“Explain” I said in a sharp tone  
“You’re mad at me and I understand” Ben said his deep voice filled my head  
“Ky-Ben I am not mad at you” I said "yes, I am. Why didn’t you tell me if you knew I was pregnant”?” I asked rubbing my temples   
“Scared you wouldn’t want to leave, scared they may take you away” he told me  
“But the tests?” Still confused   
“There was no strain, but a positive pregnancy” he explained “I knew something was in you before Noku, but I didn’t want to believe it. I sent you here for protection for us, Snoke wanted me to kill you, he wanted me to continue the dark side, I couldn’t, I can’t it made me feel weak, saving you was a power I never felt”  
"The letter"  
“How? How did you escape”  
"I killed the supreme leader Snoke, fled Star Destroyer with my TIE, faked my death, crashed my TIE on a planet blended in with the civilians for a bit, took another aircraft and crashed that one as well. Traveled here by foot took me about a day and a half"  
"Marie kept saying someone was coming"  
"She knew"  
Ben looked down, “Do you want to feel it” I asked him  
“Yeah”  
Lifting my oversized shirt up showing him my swollen stomach  
“It looks kind of gross” I told him the stretch marks and skin discoloration   
“Not to me” he placed his hands around it as Xai moved seeing it push out a bit, Ben smiled a real smile seeing him being lively was groundbreaking “How long are you?” he asked   
“Just entered my eighth month”  
“You’re doing such a great job” his hands moved around as Xai continued to move as if it can sense that is their father.  
“Well it’s getting tiring now” I giggled   
“hmf" Ben looked at me brushing away loose stands, his eyes were telling me something. He kissed me on my lips as I was forgit how it all felt. His hand moving to my back.  
"Wait, should we?" He asked  
"I asked for curiosity and they said it's fine it won't hurt the baby or anything. As long as it's not rough." I told him  
Ben went back kissing me feeling him reach down as I gasped loudly,forgetting where I was trying to keep quiet. My hand going towards Ben's trousers pulling his cock out rubbing him, he cursed under his breath as I giggled. Getting undressed finding a comfortable position as we made love. Keeping our sounds silent. Being together again.

Sunlight broke through the window, sitting up knowing I have a class this morning. Ben was sleeping on his stomach, his back wide and toned, his dark hair covering his face. His cheeks looked shallow as his cheekbones were prominent but his skin had a soft bronze glow. Brushing away some hair as his nose scrunched up, turning his head the other way. 

Getting dressed and ready pulling my hair up as Ben finally woke up, sitting up   
"Where are you going?" he asked his voice sultry  
"I have a class" I explained   
He looked at me confused as I explained it was a baby prep class. He wanted to come to be a part of the pregnancy. Ben dressed in a sand shirt and brown pants, he looked different from his black uniform. Oddly it brought out his eyes and the beard contoured his face,   
Before leaving I cooked eggs and porridge as we sat together to eat. Moon jumped up on the chair next to him as Ben made a face of fear as if he was afraid of cats. I thought it was funny. Marie was out spending time with friends and will not be back until dusk. Taking Ben’s hand as we walked through the gravel street towards the clinic. I could tell he was nervous, afraid people would know who he was but I assured him nothing would happen. Entering the clinic seeing Elaina sitting by the desk filling in a log.

“Morning Elaina” I greeted I sounded happier and peppier this morning  
“Morning Xena”she looked at Ben “Whose this?” she asked with a slight confusion  
“This is Ben, the father of the baby” it felt weird to say those words father Elaina smiled   
“Oh please to meet you Ben” she lend out her hand for him to shake it as Ben followed along  
“Are you all set for class”  
“All set”

Heading to the back of the clinic not seeing the other two women, happy the class would be just us three. Sitting on the straw mats, Elaina went over birth, how to support their partner during labor and practicing holding babies with realistic dolls. Elaina helped us hold them with neck support, how to feed them and swaddle them. At this point I was used to holding a baby while Ben seemed to struggle a bit but he seemed to learn fast. After the class I had another scan moving into Elaina’s room. Ben stood by watching the monitor as Elaina pointed out the parts turning on the sound so we can hear the heartbeat seeing his face being dazed on the screen knowing he is ready, we were ready. Everything felt normal, it felt complete. 

Ben had a hard time going out, still afraid people may recognize him. He told me the way he came here was at night made sense. I wanted to go out for a picnic. The weather was good, no signs of rain, packing up baked goods and drinks I thought Nova should come but it is best if it was the two of us. We walked to the Willow tree by the stream as I filled him in on my life here. He was shocked to know Nova is alive and that she had a baby, how the navigation system devises almost was leading me here as if it was a sign of somesort. Ben didn’t speak much, he kept close to me as if he was shielding me. Laying on a sheet being taken away by the sounds of the stream and the breeze, eating jam filled cookies and tea.   
“I see you have been busy studying...um” he had a hard time thinking of words  
“Baking” I told him “It’s way easier than being a mechanic”  
“That” he opened up the cookie looking at the jam as I let out a laugh telling him what it was as he took a bite telling me it was good.  
“I haven’t eaten like this in over a decade” he told me still poking at the cookie “The space. type food it’s all artificially grown or dehydrated”  
"Yeah, here I can actually taste flavors and textures"

Pulling up some nearby yellow flowers starting to form a crown, Ben looked at me strangely at what I was doing. Weaving the flowers together tieing the ends together. Placing the crown on Bens head the deep yellow contrasting with his dark waves, he is beautiful. Ben laid his head in my lap, my back against the tree bark, it was a bit awkward because of my belly but comfortable, my fingers going through his locks seeing his small freckles on his face as he looked up to me. His eyes looked to be hazel in the light.  
“I feel human again” he spoke calmly   
“Ben, you were always human” I assured him “You were just lost. You sacrificed everything to be Ben Solo”  
“No, I didn't” Ben sat up sitting in a way where his legs were against his chest “I have you, the baby a home” he shooked his head  
“How did you know about this place?” I asked   
“My encyclopedias, the way it is tucked or placed it hardly ever attacked. There is minimal information about life here but it has life they just keep it quiet. A few books does mention life but not all”  
"Marie has done a good job, keeping me safe and providing an open mind about this pregnancy. I wasn't ready to be a mother especially to a child that has this force"  
"I know" Ben laughed his hand went to my stomach as the baby nuddged  
“I found my way home” he said quietly 

[ Ben's POV]

We walked by the stream hearing the water flow as the sun had set casting the sky in a pink glow. The two moons waned over the mountains. We stopped taking a small break kissing Xena on her forehead my hands on her stomach feeling the baby's movement. 

I am home. I am human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to wrap this pregnancy up because I am getting some weird preggo dreams that are so vivid that I think I am actually pregnant like sis you are a virgin relax.


End file.
